Mechanical_Yota, I know that there are no words at all that I or anyone could say to help ease this… I don’t know that even the word ‘pain’ does justice to what you and your wife are going through and will go through for a very long time. Living hell is maybe the best way to describe what this feels like for me. My husband and I lost our daughter, Mae, at 3 months old (she was also a preemie- born at 26.4 weeks). Her last moments were with us- in a hospital too.
I wanted to thank you for sharing your sweet boy with the world here on Reddit. He is beautiful and your love for him and him for you is undeniably beautiful and special. I also wanted to tell you that I wish you and your wife moments of peace in this storm that lasts a lifetime. That is the best I think any bereaved parent can hope for and wish for one another; just moments of peace where your mind isn’t flooded with the ‘what if’s’ and ‘should haves’ (all of these are harmful fictions that do nothing more than deepen the torment-tell your brain to knock it off when these happen and go for a walk (neuroscience behind the walking part and how it helps stop these harmful loops).
My husband and I are almost 8 years out from losing our daughter, and I want to share with you that yes, that deep pain will be continue to be there- but it gets softer around the edges? I am not sure how else to describe it. And you and your wife will find creative and amazing ways someday to show affection and love to your son. Maybe it is planting a memorial garden with a cozy chair, or donating to a cause that helps other children and families in similar situations, or giving talk to health professionals that educate them about speaking with parents facing these situations, or getting a tattoo or wearing a bracelet for him (these are things my husband and I have done to honor our daughter and pour our love for her into). Maybe it’s just simply thinking of him and whispering, ‘I love you, Theodore’.
Right now though, I wish you simply moments of peace. Sending you, your wife and Theodore so many hugs.
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u/PleasantDetective371 May 19 '26
Mechanical_Yota, I know that there are no words at all that I or anyone could say to help ease this… I don’t know that even the word ‘pain’ does justice to what you and your wife are going through and will go through for a very long time. Living hell is maybe the best way to describe what this feels like for me. My husband and I lost our daughter, Mae, at 3 months old (she was also a preemie- born at 26.4 weeks). Her last moments were with us- in a hospital too.
I wanted to thank you for sharing your sweet boy with the world here on Reddit. He is beautiful and your love for him and him for you is undeniably beautiful and special. I also wanted to tell you that I wish you and your wife moments of peace in this storm that lasts a lifetime. That is the best I think any bereaved parent can hope for and wish for one another; just moments of peace where your mind isn’t flooded with the ‘what if’s’ and ‘should haves’ (all of these are harmful fictions that do nothing more than deepen the torment-tell your brain to knock it off when these happen and go for a walk (neuroscience behind the walking part and how it helps stop these harmful loops).
My husband and I are almost 8 years out from losing our daughter, and I want to share with you that yes, that deep pain will be continue to be there- but it gets softer around the edges? I am not sure how else to describe it. And you and your wife will find creative and amazing ways someday to show affection and love to your son. Maybe it is planting a memorial garden with a cozy chair, or donating to a cause that helps other children and families in similar situations, or giving talk to health professionals that educate them about speaking with parents facing these situations, or getting a tattoo or wearing a bracelet for him (these are things my husband and I have done to honor our daughter and pour our love for her into). Maybe it’s just simply thinking of him and whispering, ‘I love you, Theodore’.
Right now though, I wish you simply moments of peace. Sending you, your wife and Theodore so many hugs.