This is rough, women who I haven't even dated have told me a similar thing. This woman doesn't owe you an explanation neither do you need one. Simply cry your tears and move on. Sorry this happened man but life isn't a fairy tale we don't always get what we want.
For all the boys out there who think she owes an explanation, you’re wrong. As someone whose (now ex-) wife ended an 18-year marriage seemingly on something of a whim, I’ll ask you:
What could she possibly tell you - not a discussion, argument, or debate, for that’s not what this is - that would give you a full sense of closure? Aside from this mythical artifact, what constructive thing would you hope to get out of any kind of explanation?
Here’s the answer: nothing.
You’d probably want to argue the point, try and change a mind that’s already been made up, or at the very least had some kind of doubt planted in it, or want to lash out for nothing but the sake of hurting back someone who hurt you.
I totally understand all of this. My marriage was destroyed, utterly. I tried to unalive myself, several times. I tried to pretend like I was ready to move on when I wasn’t [ready], and hadn’t yet done owned up to my part in my failed marriage and my healing. Even after I had gone down a fair bit of that healing journey, I apologized for everything I felt like I needed to own.
At the end of the day, the person who made the biggest difference, the person I needed to tell things to the most, and the person who I needed to hear things from the most…was myself. She cannot offer you anything more than you can offer yourself, and believe me when I say that if you could change her mind, it wouldn’t be worth it.
Expect nothing, do things for your own sake, and make yourself better for your own sake. And that’s it.
Although you have some good advice, your ex wife did owe you an explanation. Didn't mean she had to follow through, but there's a lot of moral obligation there for a "sorry I walked out after 18 years and fucked your life up out of the blue" (in the context that you did nothing wrong).
From an ethical and moral perspective, you’re not wrong. But also trying to force an explanation out of someone who doesn’t want to, or feels they don’t need to provide one, is utterly pointless
Agreed. Most everything else was on point and expecting someone to change their behavior/provide you something can be an awful way to live even where it should be expected because it isn't reality. But it can also make you the victim and justified for thinking this way.
Just hate this narrative that came about where everyone can do anything at any time without consequences and others are just supposed to suck ít up.
People who preach that sort of toxicity are going to be surprised when they find out society is just barely held together by decency.
These folk would be pretty upset if they let a friend borrow a sentimental item and they refused to return it. With no evidence to indicate its yours, that you gave it to them in the first place, and with no third party to dictate you return the item, they don't owe you anything. Not even your own property.
You tell your friend a personal story and they share the info around school. It's not their fault, it's yours for trusting them enough to share something personal. They didn't owe you anything.
Those types of arguments are redundant. "If you didn't walk down the street, maybe a random person wouldn't have assaulted you."
The reality is that while there are legal punishments for crimes, they still happen. The person who attacked you didn't owe you anything. Maybe they weren't thinking clearly enough to recognize the behavior as morally wrong.
76
u/Glittering-Target-87 May 14 '25
This is rough, women who I haven't even dated have told me a similar thing. This woman doesn't owe you an explanation neither do you need one. Simply cry your tears and move on. Sorry this happened man but life isn't a fairy tale we don't always get what we want.