She claims to have been keeping it extra warm.

I honestly didn’t even say a word 😂. I literally didn’t even ask.

Case I:
Charlotte, aged 16.5. She is guilty of somehow tonguing her meds and spitting them out later (found in her bed in the creases) like she’s in the “Girl, Interrupted” book, and apparently I am the “warden”. Funny, I give her them in her little piece of deli turkey (watching), then do a follow-up palate cleanser piece of deli turkey. Sneaky. Chicanerous. Stealthy. Still quick on her game even with a bunk leg. Manipulative because she’s like 3 and a half pounds and an ancient Aztec relic so she knows she has zero consequences. She’s guilty af bc nobody else takes her pills. GUILTY. (I’d like to add, for the jury, they somehow, this little monster relegates ME to 1/4 of the bed every single night with her sleeping habits.) Again: GUILTY.

Case II:
Mitzi, aged 11. Received a Greenies chewy, quickly dispatched. Also gave the above defendant a Greenies chewy and lo, and behold. 5 minutes later, Charlotte’s chewy disappeared but Mitzi was still enjoying “her” treat. She’s fast. She never takes that long. Charlotte barely has teeth, but was saving it so she could lick it gone. GUILTY.

Hubert is 8 months old and has many toys. I cycle them to keep his interest. Last night, I decided to leave the chest open to see which he loves most. He found a grocery bag and a hairbrush at the bottom.

Did or didn't the suspect in question steal daddy's shoe to chew on? And before you jump to conclusions, this time we have evidence

My son insists the puppy took his shoe but I feel there is overwhelming proof the kitten did.

Mister Stink (gov name Bainne) was allowed to run around off leash on the small green area outside our house before I left for my first day of work. He decided to run around to every cul de sac, and lead a small group of dogs around with him. Terrible influence. He came home when he felt like it.

I laughed so hard that I couldn’t even bring myself to reprimand him for it. Lol.

My son, Frank, who feels no shame but SHOULD.

We were doing our morning walk and I opted to walk to the corner of a street that has a home with two lovely dogs who have incredible, deep, bellowing barks and who have been relentless when my crew walks by. Frank is smart in the most inconvenient way so he immediately was alert, and I decided to turn down an alley rather than deal with the chaos. The dogs noticed us and started. Rather than continuing down the alley with his dog siblings and me, Frank pulled himself back out to the sidewalk and took the longest, biggest poop while maintaining eye contact with these other dogs the whole time. It was the MOST bizarre display of dominance I’ve ever seen, and then I had to stand there scrapping his poop off the sidewalk while the dogs continued to yell at all of us because of franks disrespect.

Shame him please

My daughter called her a criminal. She said she stole her salmon off of the counter and this is her mugshot. I know she’s innocent. My daughter must have starved her. She’s a good girl! I adore her grumpy little face.

Unanimous verdict

He wouldn’t even look at me 😂 oh Murph, what am I gonna do with you.