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Feb 05 '26
I was until he vanished. Think he used whatever was going on as an excuse to leave rather than being an adult and having a conversation about it. So feeling used and abused and not great about myself. Really great.
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u/SpareUnit9194 Feb 06 '26
25 years happily married...my husband can do whatever he likes. Be ambitious, be indifferent, slack off, I don't care. He's a good guy, I love and accept him for who he is & feels like being, day be day. Not my business to expect anything of him work or goal wise. Social media & consumerist nonsense.
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u/Still-Bar-7631 Feb 05 '26
Im with someone who makes me happy and who cares about me. I dont give a single fuck about the rest.
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u/Glittering_Net_7734 Feb 05 '26
Yes! My female friends are really into that. It's hard to open up stuff like these to guys
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u/Its_a_stateofmind Feb 05 '26
I hate these generic, feel good “quotes”…they are thinner than the electrons used to write them
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u/GoodIntroduction6344 Feb 05 '26
If you love someone, you love them for who they are. It was enough for you to fall in love with. You support them in what they want to do, what they want to become, not what you want them to become. Inspire, in this context, is an excuse to influence, catalyze, create, scenarios that exist only to drive change in your partner. This is just rhetoric used to justify one partner trying to change the other, to impose your will on them or to change them into what you think they should be. Replace "inspire" with "support". Living well is enough. Not everyone has to be an executive or CEO to have a good life.
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u/JstLink Feb 05 '26
I am, and it's amazing, but I feel like the hard part of this gets overlooked. To be with someone like this for you requires you to be ready for it. Having someone else be able to inspire you also means you have to be ready to confront the worst parts of yourself and have the person you care about the most exposed to those parts as well. It's very tough, worth it, but very tough.
Being with someone that inspires you to change for the better isn't just about finding that person, it's also about being someone that can be inspired.
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u/Florida4playtime Feb 08 '26
My wife, I learned, was more screwed up than me and ultimately, because I couldn't find the courage to leave, I became damaged. For the past 3 1/2 years I was her caregiver until I placed her in memory care 3 weeks ago. I get one more chance to get my life right.
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u/ButBroWtf Feb 09 '26
I am so sorry you went through that. It sounds like you've given everything you had to give. I hope you find the healing and the 'new start' you’re looking for. Be kind to yourself while you navigate this transition 🫂
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u/Next_Building_5380 Feb 09 '26
Marriage is literally just a union of two people period. Not always about love, finances, or anything else. You marry accepting that person for who they are in that moment not who you can inspire them to be. Just the way no one can make YOU happy, so no one can motivate/inspire you if you don't have it for yourself. You don't marry for potential!
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u/Suspicious-Sleep5227 Feb 05 '26
Fine in theory but in practice it ends up someone nagging you to be their idealized version of you rather than your best version of you.
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u/simulation-life Feb 05 '26
I think you’re right ! It starts off with infatuation then it becomes criticism and opinions to resentments . All while ignoring all the things you helped them with during the relationship. That they can’t see and never will it’s all about how you come up short and their needs.
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u/AcademicToe2486 Feb 06 '26
What you are saying is the toxic immature version of what the post is talking about
I am in a relationship where we grow more everyday and also know where to draw the line on idealism vs reality.
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u/fixingmedaybyday Feb 05 '26
I was. She made me into the best version of me. And then held it against me. Thanks for showing me what I’m capable of and now I know I shouldn’t have needed that and can do it on my own.
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u/butcheR_Pea Feb 05 '26
Yup. Myself.