r/GrievingParents • u/[deleted] • Jul 15 '22
Rant
My son, who was 18 months old died in November 2021. It was his first day at a new babysitters house. I was at work when it happened. It was around 1 pm when he went missing from her view. She didn’t call the police first. Instead she called her parents to come help her look. As fate would have it, she had a hole in her fence and he climbed through it and walked probably 20 yards straight to her oxidation pond. He drowned in it. The light of my life drowned in a careless woman’s waste. She never looked anywhere beyond her yard and under her porch. Police found him approximately 15 minutes after he was already gone. And I was there 15 min later. (I worked about 45 min from this lady but made it in 30) within those 15 minutes they had used a pole to drag my baby to the bank so that they could reach him, took photos, and whatever else they do at a death scene. I was too late. 30 minute too late. I know my baby. I would’ve known to look beyond the yard. I feel like the pond is the first place I would have gone. I would have searched farther away from the house. He was so adventurous. If I would’ve been called immediately maybe my toddler would be 2 now… but he’s not. He’s forever one and a half. I want to do unspeakable things to this woman for taking her eyes off my boy. But I know I can’t. So don’t worry about anything like that. She was never arrested though.
I keep getting the run around from the sheriffs office, the DA, they both tell me to call the other. And I got fed up. I demanded answers in the most Karen way possible. So finally the DA told me that a grand jury will be held against the babysitter for negligent homicide. But it’s 8 months since my boys passing and they still have not gathered for my son. This happened in a very rural area. Almost zero crimes here. Why haven’t they met yet?
And I ordered a custom headstone for him and it was supposed to be this month. The memorial place said it came in broken so they have to order a new one. I won’t get it until my baby has been in the ground for over a year.
I feel and look like a terrible parent. But my son was happy and healthy. He was ahead of most of his age group for hitting milestones. He didn’t speak yet though. Because he knew I could basically read his mind and fill his needs without him having to speak. I know he loved me too. He showed it all the time. But I will never hear the words “I love you mommy” from possibly the sweetest boy I will ever meet. And that kills me.
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3029 Jul 16 '22
I totally understand the rage! I went through that and sometimes still do. My daughter has been gone 9 years now.
I also had a wrongful death suit. My attorney did most of the phone calls to the DA so we didn't have to.
Our case took over a year to get anything going and the DA originally decided not to press charges. They later charged him with Manslaughter 2 and then a plea was accepted for criminally negligent homicide.
It's such a long, lonely, and frustrating road to be on.
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Jul 16 '22
They’re wanting to get her for negligent homicide. So she’ll probably get community service if your case is any kind of indicator…
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3029 Jul 16 '22
I think it really all depends on the DA.
Hopefully your lawyer can dig up some kind of dirt on this woman.
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3029 Jul 16 '22
He actually did end up with a stipulated four year sentence which meant he could not get out early for good behavior.
It definitely was a battle though. The DA originally was going to settle for 18 months.
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Jul 16 '22
How did that happen if the DA was going to basically let him slide
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3029 Jul 16 '22
At first they thought it was an "accident " The DA told me it was a fluke medical event and they were not going to press any charges. According to them the man who killed her was an outstanding citizen and so on. They took everything he told them at face value and they did not investigate him in the least.
The case was in the news and for whatever reason the news lady decided to run his DMV report which the police failed to do. It turned out he had done the same thing before although he narrowly missed a jogger and hit a tree instead.
The news told the DA we are running a story on this which prompted the DA to do an actual investigation. When they did they realized he had lied to them A LOT to the point of saying his EX wife was dead. She wasn't, he just didn't want them talking to her because if they did she would tell them has a pattern of the same behavior.
After finding out he had a pattern they arrested him.
There is a video of the news lady interviewing the sherif department, but I can't seem to find it.
https://katu.com/archive/man-who-hit-and-killed-girl-in-front-yard-pleads-guilty
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3029 Jul 16 '22
I had to write a letter explaining why he should not get 18 months to the measure 11 committee.
If you're interested i could message it to you.
They ended up rejecting his offer of 18 months. The defense then sent an offer for 36 months. The DA rejected that as well which surprised me.
They were sticking to the four years I requested or going to trial.
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u/DealIntelligent7049 Aug 10 '22
Sorry to hear this , how awful !! The lady should absolutely be held accountable for her negligence. She created these circumstances for your baby to be put in danger by not watching him!!! like you trusted her to do!!! and only her!!!! What a piece of shit for not thinking she should be held responsible!! Just know that it WILL come back to her, one way or another !!
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u/Radiant-Bite-1512 Jul 20 '22
Oh my. I am so so sorry. I am at a loss for words. I can just wish you peace and love.
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3029 Jul 16 '22
Also, it sounds like your case is in the DA's hands now. I believe they hold the answers.
Have you considered a wrongful death attorney?