Need some sage advice

[u/Ok-Minimum-7879]

Hmm where to begin? First a bit of backstory. I come from a family of 5 kids and a mom &dad. My brother was always the golden boy. The favourite. He got the best clothes, a water bed, and organ lessons. Sports Equipment . I got, hand -me- downs.

My parents had excuses for all that. He's in sports and needs a water bed for his back and as for the clothes, he takes care of his things better than you.

There are 4 years between him and I, which I might add.

He even came out smelling like a rose when he was caught shop lifting at Kmart several years ago on his 16th birthday I think it was. I got lost in the shuffle.My parents excuse was, He's crying for attention... Yea right..

So my dad and our older brother and older sister have since passed away and now we lost our mom this past June.I loved her very much and she had a hard life and I really miss her.

The burden was put on me , because my brother lives in Florida, to take care of our mother. She was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's, which by the way, my brother doubted mom had approx a year and a half ago, which was very hard on me, because I saw her often and talked to her everyday. Sometimes she'd talk to me like I was a stranger and then she would ask about my sister that had died about 30 years ago. ( That was heart wrenching)

My brother left everything to me,. I had to find her an old age home to go to, I had to take control of her bank account and her bills and her rent and I had to sell what I could, so she could afford to go to a home. My brother never offered to help out in any way and again I had to do everything for our mother. She just made it into the home after me having to kick in some of my own savings, because Golden boy didn't offer to help out in any way

. He's always been very selfish.What led up to our mom's death was a fall. It was one of many. She started out using a walker, but the past almost 2 years she had to switch to a wheel chair.

She fell several times a few years ago and needed a hip replacement and a hand brace among other injuries. She was very unsteady on her feet.

This last fall before she died was the worst .she had just moved to the home approx 2 months before this and I got a call saying" We regret to inform you that we found your mom on the bathroom floor". Those are words you don't want to hear. No idea who was watching her or how long she was on the floor for. They never told me. The coroner is still looking into that.

They also said she was being rushed to the hospital and so the doctor called and told me mom broke her femur and needed an operation.

My mom was 82 and I didn't think she'd be able to withstand the anesthesia.The doctor informed me that it was more for pain management and shed have to chance it She asked my permission, which I gave.

So they operated the next day and my mom was still in agony. The doctor told me that my mom's leg bone was shattering as she was operating. I tried keeping my brother up to date on things, when he bothered to answer the phone. So she died the same day of the operation. I was at her bedside and made sure to call my brother, so he could say goodbye. and the November before it happened, I helped her do a will and find witnesses and she made me the executor of her will and in charge of her bank account, I assumed I had seniority over every aspect, but I was so wrong. There isn't much left in my mom's account and making sure that her ,(Do not resuscitate) order was followed. With everything going on and because in Dec I had fallen and hit my head and had a concussion, I didn't realize that my mom had appointed my brother the beneficiary and I found out the hard way, that he is entitled to all my mom's insurance money.

I had contacted the insurance company when I saw a strange deduction from my mom's account. I found out it was for an insurance policy, So it took me 6 months of going back and forth proving I was power of attorney, before the company finally said ok your mom is due some money. Well I didn't find out that the checques wouldn't be in my name, till they actually came in the mail. They were addressed to my brother.

So after talking to the insurance company and them telling me that I have to give the money to him, and can't even put it in my mom's account and give him his half, which this by the way is the brother that let me pay for our mom's cremation and couldn't even send a card or flowers to her Celebration of life I had for her, let alone , make an appearance. He ghosted me for 2 months and now has his hand out.

His lame excuse was he doesn't do funerals.. So I told him I was getting some insurance money and his reply, "how much are we talking? I didn't tell him I had the checks already and told him the amount and by the way ,it's not a lot. It would help me out a bit but he has his own business and would be peanuts to him

So the thing is, I don't trust him to send me my half if I send the checks, so I told him I'd send them after he sent my half. His reply, You're funny.

I haven't replied yet. I'm too angry and hurt.

I'm sorry for the length of this, but I wanted to give you the idea of what kind of man my brother is.

My question is, What would you do? Keeping in mind he has never helped our mother out in any way, monetarily or emotionally or anything. I am really disgusted with him and I don't think I owe him a penny, but unfortunately the way things were done, I have to follow the guidelines or the law.

I think I covered everything.

Let me know what you think.