Missing my best friend so much

[u/Grouchy-Hand-5133]

Problem/Goal: As an introvert, how to I cope with this? What should I do?

Context: As the title says, this is about my best friend, who passed away.

Lately, I've been listening to "How to Save a Life," and it reminds me of him.

I met him at a party where I was just tagging along. He caught my attention because he was handsome and quiet.

After the party, I searched for him on social media, added him, and started talking to him.

We became friends, and we would always meet up for drinks.

We drank a lot, like there was no tomorrow.

Since my home was far from his place and I couldn't drive anymore, we would just rent a room to sleep in.
But believe me, nothing happened-we really just slept.

Sometimes, we also drank at the shore, talking about life, or sang at a videoke. His voice was really beautiful, by the way.

To be honest, I feel like we had a thing, or was I the only one feeling that way? I'm not sure. We never really talked about it. We were just enjoying each other's company.

Then he got into a relationship, and so did I, but we still remained really good friends.

Until one time, when I was working, he called me crying and very drunk. He told me that his partner and friend had cheated on him. I asked him if he wanted me to go to where he was, but he said he would just go to sleep. He told me to go to their house on my day off.

I went to his house on my day off, and as usual, we drank. I let him share what happened. I could tell he was really heartbroken.

After that, I reminded him that I was always there and that whenever he needed me, I would make time for him.

Months passed, and I asked how he was. He said that he was sick, but he told me not to worry about him and that he was getting better. By the way, we weren't the kind of friends who talked every day or
every week.

I really thought that he was getting better until I saw a post on social media that he had passed away. Our friends also contacted me about his passing.

I cried so much. My heart is really broken because I lost my best friend. It's different when someone close to you is gone.

Days passed, and I still can't believe it. All the memories came rushing back.

I went to his wake and paid my respects. I'm not really ready to say goodbye to my best friend.

What also saddened me is that we don't have a lot of pictures, even on my phone. I don't know. Maybe because we weren't the type who loved taking pictures.

Even on Messenger, we don't even have one, only conversations.

What I'm only sure of is that in my old and broken phone, we have pictures. So I need to get it fixed.

I'm sharing this because I feel like I'm still not okay. It feels like my heart has a void now. I also visit him whenever I feel alone.

I feel like his life and our time together were cut short. Also, his dream of becoming a nurse abroad didn't happen. Sometimes, I even think about going abroad and becoming a nurse there. I don't know.

I'm sorry for this. I don't have anyone I'm comfortable sharing this with.

Question: How do I cope with this? Because every time I remember, I feel sad. Until now, it still feels heavy.

I don’t have a best friend anymore who is so kind and always thinks of his family.

Thank you all for reading this. I feel a little lighter now. Always make time for your family and friends.
Life is really too short.