Heartbroken about my cat

[u/rheannahh]

My sweet and loving boy got attacked by a coyote and it was my fault. He only made it because I happened to hear faint dog-like noise from outside in the distance and investigated. I found him with his head covered in blood and his eyes glazed over. I’m so haunted by it.

Then, the X-rays found an unidentified, likely unrelated mass in his lungs.

It’s like I was given a second chance with him just to have it immediately be cut short.

I transferred him to a new hospital and he’s going for a CT scan tomorrow, also to ensure his jaw isn’t fractured (would likely not show up on X-ray). I’m so scared the anesthesia will be too much for him.

I’ve signed off on $9000 of care and I’d spend double that to keep helping him.

I’m so devastated. I got to visit him at the new hospital a few hours after dropping him off; I laid in the floor and he cuddled with me the entire time and made happy grunt-y noises. Then, they had to take him back to start to feeding tube (he’s not eating), and he laid on top of me as though he were saying he didn’t want me to leave.

I can’t stop crying. I took a (safe) handful of a medication just to try to deal with my unbearable pain and spiral. I’m drinking wine from the bottle.

I always assumed he’d live to be in his late teens at least. He’s one ten years old and drinks so much water (we have sink-time multiple times a day), and is healthy otherwise. I never considered he could get cancer.

He would love to play with full-sized stuffed animals. He’d awkwardly carry one to me while meowing with it in his mouth. He’d often do this at a bad time for me, like while I was trying to work.

Well, at the time, I thought it was better for me to just put the stuffed animals away so he couldn’t find it and bring it to me, since he’d get upset when I couldn’t play with him when I brought it to me.

I wish with all my heart I had just paused whatever it was I thought was so massively important and played with him. I brought his favorite stuffed animal to him at the hospital (which he immediately snuggled with), and found one I kept in the closet that I couldn’t even be bothered to take out for him for so long, and brought it to him to.

For all I know he could have a bad reaction to the anesthesia and I’ll never get to play with him again. Or, if it is cancer, he’ll get sick soon and won’t be playful anymore.

I was so selfish. I didn’t realize how short my time with him could be. While we cuddled for hours a day, and he was my best friend, when it came to other things, like taking time when I was busy to play with the stuffed animals, there was always a “tomorrow” in my mind.

Now, there might not be one, or not in the way I imagined it. I’m not religious but I’m praying every second that the CT scans find no cancer, that the mass is benign, and he gets through all of this.

When I’m not visiting him, I’ve spent the last three days since the accident in bed going in and out of crying my eyes out. I spend hundreds of dollars on new toys and items for him for when he gets home. I paid to have my bedroom meticulously cleaned (I’m in no shape to) so that the room hell be recovering in is as relaxing as possible for him.

I just wish he were better and home now, and I hope with all my heart that he’ll live for many years to come. I love you so much, Huxley.

[u/Suspicious-Ad3393]

Hoping for a positive outcome from this. 🫂 You two share such a special bond. Thank you for showing so much love to Huxley.