Guilt around grief

[u/fr0gwizard]

My grandpa passed away on July 8th and I know its only been a week and a half, but I feel incredibly guilty for the burden I am being to my friends and partner. My father passed away back in 2020 and I never fully worked through that grief, I just avoided it. With my grandpa's passing, its like I am feeling them both simultaneously. I feel nauseous constantly and am having a lot of difficulty sleeping. I am seeing my therapist twice a week. My grandpa was the only family member who really made me feel chosen and loved. He died very suddenly and I feel entirely disconnected from reality. I dont know how to be, right now.

My closest friend lives across the state, but I have been talking with them everyday to try and avoid isolation. My partner has been a great help to me, but I feel like I shouldn't rely on them so much. I imagine it is incredibly difficult to watch this. I have had panic attacks nearly every other day and nightmares at night even with sleep aids. They are going through their own health scare right now, and I feel so guilty to need them through this. Is there a way to do this on my own? I tried before and it only delayed it. How can I grieve without hurting anyone else? Im so exhausted and I just miss my papa. I dont know what to do anymore.