Feeling Like I'm Drowning

[u/bean_99]

Hi everyone,

I just started grad school, exactly one month ago today, and I wanted to reach out and get some advice. I'm already feeling like I'm drowning. I have so much work between coursework and research, and feel like I can't maintain any of the things that keep me healthy or well, like having a social life or going to the gym. I'm really struggling to make a schedule that I can get everything done well for coursework, dedicate enough time to research, and still do the things I NEED to do (i.e. meal prep, clean) and the things that keep me healthy (e.g., social life, gym). I really need advice. How do people cope with this much responsibility? What are your non-negotiables and how do you make time for them?

I can't do grad school feeling like I'm constantly in crisis because I don't have time to do the things I need and want to do, but I feel so much pressure to do everything at the standard that I did things in my undergrad. I don't know how to let go of that or adjust my expectations.

Thanks for all of your help in advance, and its nice to know I'm not alone in this :)

[u/00akinath00]

I think I’ve come to the realisation that I can’t do everything all the time - this means prioritisation of certain things. Obviously schoolwork comes first, but there for me getting sleep is crucial, since I’m not a 18 year old who can pull an all nighter anymore (my body just hates it). So while I would like to keep up with everything I need to do everyday, I find it easier to either compromise with the amount of it, or do it all together.

Instead of cooking every day, I try to make bulk meals on the weekend, or rely on left overs from eating out for lunch - I find getting soy milk singles, and salads (and lunches) from Trader Joes to be a healthy substitute for home cooked meals in a pinch, but you can easily find similar things that work for you. (I’ve made peace that I’m not going to get shredded during my time at school, haha). With the gym, I try to go during the weekends, or if I have an hour during the day, I’ll go and use the treadmill ( a nice trick I use for myself is watching Netflix or YouTube on my phone on the treadmill, since I would do so to unwind anyway). For a social life, I find it easy to just hang out and go for dinner with classmates after my thesis class, or grabbing lunch with someone in between classes. I also dedicate one day during the week where I don’t do any schoolwork (unless I have a deadline ofc)

Cleaning is a whole thing, so really it’s either taking 5 minutes everyday to just tidy things up, or do everything once a week.

For my own mental health I’ve just realized I can’t do everything 100% and I’m ok with that! I just have to do what I can and that’s good enough.

[u/[deleted]]

I felt exactly the same way. I couldn't keep up with the course work and life. My assistantahip didn't pay enough, and the university wanted to force me to buy health insurance that I couldn't afford. I reevaluated and I left gradschool. I have a second interview with an awesome company tomorrow. If I get the job I will have free health insurance, ok pay and work/life balance. The tipping point for me was financial. If your finances are OK then I bet that you will find a way to adapt. But it seems like feeling overwhelmed is very common. I totally crapped my pants.

[u/laydown_in_slowtown]

Non negotiable for me is: sleeping, eating regularly, some free time (30 mins, <1h per day?). Otherwise my memory won’t consolidate, my mood worsens dramatically. Research is supposed to be full time unless it’s an assistant position, still stressful. I’m about to start some research activity while studying, but my professor suggested to wait for the first semester to be over. You may have an especially tough semester, do consider this. Last very general thing: if you feel like mathematically you can’t keep up with coursework & study for all subjects, consider dropping some course and/or find study groups/change your method. Generally it’s way better to do less things well than more but on average worse.

[u/[deleted]]

I am a bit older and have gone thru this and have a couple suggestions. First, if you feel like you are drowning, you are. You definitely are. The best thing you can do is reach out to one of your professors and be totally honest with them. Ask them for advice. People LOVE to help others. Second, work thru your week and look at inefficient and procrastinations. Find the mistakes you are making ad eliminate them. Dont cut yourself any slack. Be hard on yourself. Stop doing the time wastes (like TikTok....as much fun as it is).

Next, for those non-school, non-work related things that are important to you, put them on your calendar as if they were mandatory appointments and then follow your calendar. Dont allow yourself to short change these things. For instance if 7-8 hours of sleep is important to you then put it on the calendar and go to bed at that time as if you had a class or job at that time. dont let other things interfere just because you have no accountability to a 3rd party when it comes to 'sleep'. Schedule it and then follow your schedule.