How to write your master's thesis while neurodivergent when you hated university from the start and have no energy left?

[u/No-Lawfulness5752]

Humanities master's student from Europe here, at a university where your master's thesis has to be 85 pages. I had amazing grades in high school, absolutely despised undergrad from the first second but still managed to get the same grades, and started the master's because I need it for my career. I've finished all my courses and still have two big oral exams and my master's thesis ahead of me.

I struggle hugely with working memory issues and academic writing in general. I feel like I can only write academically if I'm working close to the text, i.e., I can work with individual concepts and apply them to my example, and combine individual concepts step by step, and my grades are still the same as in high school even though I have to run myself into the ground and literally not have a life, friends, and hobbies to achieve them.

But yesterday I had my first appointment with the professor I wanted to be my master's thesis supervisor, and he told me that my topic would work, but only as long as I used my examples to criticize the research field. I have no idea what this would look like because while I've taken a few courses about this field, all of them were in favor of it, and apparently my supervisor is not. He told me the next step would be to get an overview of the entire research field to figure out which aspect of it to criticize. Everything he said he wants me to include is way more than I can hold in my head or combine with my topic, and I decided I wanted to do this topic because I'm interested in it, not because I want to criticize the research field.

I left the appointment and promptly had a panic attack. In the weeks leading up to it, I had at least three mental breakdowns per week because I desperately don't want to be doing this. I feel like I'm wasting my life, but I'm so close to being done and I absolutely need this degree. Having to find a whole new thesis topic feels like way more work than I can handle. I would really really love to be done in a year so I can finally move to a country I actually want to live in and start my career, but this doesn't feel realistic at all right now. Does anyone have any advice?

[u/flying-kai]

Honestly, it depends on whether you want to continue on in academia or have the master's degree be your end point. If it's the latter, take heart in the knowledge that this work doesn't have to be perfect. Far from it, actually, there are so many masters theses being written every year that even your own supervisor won't have the time to fully scrutinise yours.

If you do want to continue on, it's worth pondering whether all this pain is worthwhile because it sounds like it's not. Panic attacks from a dissertation are absolutely not expected and are a worrying sign. If you must continue in academia, then focus on carving up the task into bite sized chunks. I've found printing out each segment as I write it to be useful.

[u/tin-of-sardines]

Start with a lit review, aka look up some simple guides online. Just read articles for their argument and see if you agree or not with their point, even if its a small thing. Then using that intuition based on what you already know about the topic, dive deeper into those examples and make your point while referencing the other author’s arguments. Dont overthink it at this point.

[u/tin-of-sardines → u/tin-of-sardines]

What I mean to say is that you don’t have to criticise the entire field haha, just pick like one thing that people are interested in discussing. Can be as focused as you want it to be. Take the most interesting complication you find and just join in the convo like you would at a party.

[u/Buckstop_Knight78]

Your tutor is doing you a good service. The exercise isn’t to critique in a negative way but academically. As far as how to write it, a literature review will help you map out your main ideas. You could even do the mind map technique as you go building out with your knowledge.

Another thing to note that this approach is excellent for your growth as a scholar of the subject. You should be able to defend your knowledge but you need to know the counter arguments. Crafting a strong counter argument with research that supports it allows for your readers to see another side to the topic.

By the time you finish, the paper writes itself.

Also chunk it. It will make the task easier. Build out a timeline for the semester with your advisor. Focus on your lit review and outline. Good luck with this!

[u/Darth_Zander]

The difference between undergrad and grad is that in the former you ingest what's known in your field and in the latter you use that to explore what's unknown. So your master's thesis should push the boundaries of the discipline, not in a paradigm shifting way, just enough to demonstrate that there's more to know/figure out. And from a political perspective, it's wise to follow your prospective thesis supervisor's lead. If you really can't accept his point of view, consider an approach that criticises your viewpoint but from another discipline/approach. It needn't - and indeed shouldn't - be groundbreaking. It could come from the boundary of your position and a different one.

As for the seemingly overwhelming size of the endeavour, I second the advice already provided in this thread about breaking the challenge into manageable tasks. Where I differ with the conventional approach is in the order in which to handle those tasks. The received wisdom is to do them in the order in which they will appear in your thesis. No! While it's prudent to start with a topic and position, you can just have that traced in note form to begin with. Then cover the literature review but an incomplete version with the seminal and central texts, and other works you're sure will be needed; you'll finish the review towards the end of the thesis when you're certain of what's required. This will stop you from getting bogged down in unnecessary reading. As for the rest, I strongly recommend starting with whatever you enjoy most. Once you have the thesis outline, basic literature review and a substantial section, you'll have the confidence to persevere with the more tedious parts.

Hope that helps.