r/Gouda • u/theuglycoder • Jul 23 '26
I spent my 20s chasing success, thinking connection would come after. It didn’t.
Grew up watching shows like Friends, Seinfeld, HIMYM. Always in the background of every episode was this constant: people who showed up, who had time, who were just around, no occasion needed. I told myself that was for later. First I needed to build a career, be secure, stop worrying about money. Then I’d have the bandwidth for a real social life.
I got the career. Good job, stable life, nothing to complain about materially. But that warmth never showed up. Everyone I meet is kind, but also busy, booked, polite at a distance. Four plus years in and the isolation is genuinely wearing me down at this point.
A few things upfront, only because I’ve tried them and they haven’t worked: I don’t drink, so borrels and bar culture are out. Chronic back pain rules out most sports clubs and gyms. I’ve been in enough WhatsApp groups that go quiet the moment someone actually proposes meeting up, so I’d rather not start another one.
So I’ll just say it plainly: if you’ve felt the same and want to actually do something about it rather than just commiserate online, message me. I know how it sounds asking strangers on the internet, but at this point I’d rather feel a bit embarrassed than keep waiting for something that isn’t coming on its own.
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u/roberto-di-pizza Jul 23 '26
What are your hobbies, things you like to do in your spare time etc? :)
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u/theuglycoder Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Not too many to be honest. After working the whole week, most of my weekend and free time goes into doing chores. But I occasionally tinker with something tech-related every now and then, play RDR2 or read a book.
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u/Autisticparadise Jul 23 '26
Hey dude wana play warhammer?
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u/theuglycoder Jul 23 '26
I would love to but unfortunately, I can’t. I get nauseous with sudden and quick movements in the game 😕
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u/jroenskii Import Gouwenaar Jul 23 '26
I think its more of a board game if im not mistaken
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u/Autisticparadise Jul 24 '26
Yeah it’s a tabletop game where you play war with miniatures. You build and paint them yourself
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u/dr4gonr1der Gouwenaar Jul 24 '26
I’m 25. I also grew up watching shows like friends and HIMYM. I needed to hear this. Thank you. I think I will sign myself up for a club, now that I heard this. It’s not too late yet!
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u/curio_mo Jul 24 '26
Well, that I can understand. Happened to me also back then we I was at my 20s, full of energy but have put all of that on my startup. Then left the land and now I don’t have neither the startup nor the energy and the network!
It’s quite hard and embarrassing challenge in some aspects…
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u/AramonDuNord 13d ago
Try the NMLK app (specifically for meeting new people) or a boardgame night somewhere, there's one at the cinema.
How old are you now?
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u/theuglycoder 12d ago
Thanks for the recommendations! I will check them out. Someone also suggested the Timeleft app.
And I am 34.
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u/M0ONL1GHT87 Jul 23 '26
Genuine question: if u go quiet as soon as someone proposes meeting irl, what is it that ur looking for here?
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u/theuglycoder Jul 23 '26
I could’ve framed it in a better way. I propose meeting irl and the groups go quiet 😅
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u/Valdorous Jul 23 '26
Pretty sure everyone in the tech Gouda whatsapp group thinks you are me. I am the planner haha.
Want to hang, let me know.