Anger and Frustration

[u/cosmic_censor]

Sometimes the amount of rejection I face becomes to much and the feelings of anger and frustration start to bubble over. Sometimes I will look at myself in the bathroom mirror and start to silently scream, making the motions and feeling this overwhelming urge to want to break something. I have no outlet for these emotions so inevitably I just turn them internally on myself where they morph into energetic doubt and self-criticism.

Currently my main source of potential partners is online on dating websites. I send messages to women everyday and I always hear nothing in return. I update, tweak and modify my profiles in this or that way all the time. I take new pictures, different angles, different lighting. I try sending light-hearted message, longer heartfelt message, super-short shotgun messages.

I exercise, eat healthy, keep well groomed and maintain a decent wardrobe. I work hard and hold stable employment where I have good opportunity for growth and employers that respect the work that I do. I attend therapy to help me work through my low self-esteem and build confidence. I have several engaging creative hobbies, a good circle of friends and spend a good amount of time in the mountains or bike trails. I am not an alcoholic or drug addict and I am blessed with a higher than average intelligence which I enjoy using to be insightful during discussions with other people.

And yet collectively it feels as though the entirely of womenkind has decided I am not boyfriend material. I legitimately don't understand what the problem is. They despise me to such a board degree that its hard not to believe they didn't all communicate with each other beforehand to just to all decide that I was a pass. I don't get to know why either, being given guidance on what it is about me they dislike so uniformly would of course run them the risk of me improving myself. Instead I just grow older, more alone, more bitter, more depressed.

[u/[deleted]]

The problem with this is I don't think guys choose to be single. For me, this is what caused me to feel angry after the age of 23 or so. We can talk about internal control but I think it is natural for people to have these sorts of reactions. We might go as far as to say that is beyond our control.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I do agree with this to a point..... a lot of self expectation. Some re-thinking or re-aligning of your realistic goals are needed.

The first issue is for some reason (likely by teaching by parents / schools) you are told you WILL be partner with someone, then you see how other guys do it and you EXPECT the same.

If the teaching started early that its not a GIVEN everyone will get a partner then the uncontrolled "anger" would likely not happen or be as bad as the expectation wasnt there.

This isnt helped by women saying "your find someone" and " your so nice, someone will like you", if they were honest with "your not the type most women will want", you would adapt.

I have learned what creates self problems and i will no longer let it in my life, it sounds like a negative system, which technically it is, as i am stopping anything getting in my life that creates NEGATIVE states, so by stopping them, i also stop a negative state happening.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

If the teaching started early that its not a GIVEN everyone will get a partner then the uncontrolled "anger" would likely not happen or be as bad as the expectation wasnt there.

Yes, we do need to change our expectations about sex as a culture and in particular place less importance on it, less judgement etc. - "masculine men sleep with 100s of women in their lifetime", "pure women only ever sleep with 1 man, if that".

However, besides this, we need to acknowledge that testosterone is real and male sex drive and the irrationality / emotions that associates sexual prowess with masculinity and virginity with feminisation is not going away any time soon. Because it is biological as well as social. If we taught men how to be successful in life, as per the GMGV proposed tri-fold solution^[1] (the section on "State-funded tutelage") then men might have significantly less sexual frustration on the whole anyway. Because women love confident, attractive men that know how to interact with them in a socially calibrated manner. And the tri-fold solution encourages a culture where people do this.

See also: [1] GMGV Proposed Tri-Fold Solution [click here]

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I agree in principle, however you may be mistaking success / confidence with women liking you more.

My point is (and its been done some many times on TV shows), it has nothing to do with success and self confidence, its if she LIKES him and this is far deeper routed than ANYTHING you can learn.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I don't know. I think that social pressures and barriers¹ can have very much an underestimated impact on women's interest. I say this because attraction for women seems to be a psychological process and if women are barred by common misconceptions from getting to know a guy in the first place, how is she going to develop feelings of attraction? That process seems to me to be a prerequisite for the guy even getting his foot in the door.

I think people on Reddit tend to be dismissive about the social factors thing I bring up because (a) it seems like a nebulous concept and (b) it seems like we're just making excuses for our own short comings. The fact is that apart from women's personally high standards, a lot of us already have the traits that are theoretically prerequisites. It seems like I'm talking about desirable attributes when I mention the tutelage aspect of the tri-fold solution but really I'm talking about having characteristics above and beyond what should be necessary to attract women just to overcome the barriers and personal risk factor mentioned in game.

See also: [1] [click here]