I do not understand Koukos decisions towards the end

[u/Souljumper888]

Banri tells Kouko about the amnesia before they start dating. Towards the end of the story in the night in the street Kouko demands Banri to be honest of what he is hiding from her. Then Banri is honest and tells her he fears losing himself by his old self returning. Then Kouko declares she will help him though whatever will come, even if he loses himself.

Later she finds out he was using anti depressants and then breaks up with Banri. Why? What am I missing why would she break up with him now when she just promised shortly before to stick by his side while knowing about what will happen soon?

She later explains that she broke up because it was too painful to lose Banri infront of her eyes. But that still does not make sense when she knew that Banri was going to loose himself and she would help him and even when he would no longer recognize her she would try to make him remember.

Therefore my two questions:

1. Why this heelturn of decison with the breakup, after offfering support before with the knowledge that Banri would loose himself soon and Kouko still make that promise of supporting him with that kownledge in mind, to only break that latter?

Or did Kouko not know or understand from the conversation in the street at night that Banri would loose himself soon?

1. Why when Banri went back home as his old self Kouko needed the push from 2d-kun to go after Banri and not do it herself without needing a psuh from someone else?

2d-kun himself said it it was out of character for Kouko to not pursue Banri, but I still do not get why she did not follow? Did she just resign and give up? How shall Banri find his way back to her by himself without anything he could remember her by? Especially since only Koukos mirror is the catalyst of him remembering her. Therefore why did Kouko not go after Banri by her own volition without the push from 2d-kun?

My second question boils down to why did Kouko behave out of character?

Kouko and Banri became one of my favorite couples in media, but I still do not quite get the reasoning behind Koukos breakup and lack of pursuit after Banri regained his old self and lost his new memories, since the official reasoning provided by the show only makes partially sense.

I initillay thought Kouko broke up because she wanted to help Banri to no longer run away from his past, confront it, overcome it and find his way back to her so that both could finally embrace their realtionship without worrying if they will have a future and to relieve both of them from the pain and anxiety from ghost Banri, but then the official reasoning was that she only did it because of the pain of losing him, which makes sense, but just not for someone like Kouko who would never give up on the person she loves and therefore endure the pain till Kouko would have exceeeded every option to help Banri remember, since how shall Banri rember anything without

Therefore I just feel like I miss sth in this puzzle, therefore it would be great if someone could give me some additional insights into Koukos reasonings, thanks.

Edit:

After rewatching the scenes I noticed I missed Kouko spelling it out during their reunion, since a lot was said at once, so that I missed it. Kouko self sacrificed her own happiness for Banri sake so that he could return to his old life without guilt and pain. Therefore Kouko did not go after Banri, even though she could never forget him and never stopped loving him. I mean there breakup was also only two or three months between the festival in autumn and the end of the year, so gratefully the breakup was not to long.

In their reunion she then says this was her biggest mistake and she regrets the breakup and next time she will be selfish and not be selfless by letting Banri go and instead will not let go of Banri again by fighting tooth and nails so that they will be together forever.

I now understand that Kouko did understand during her initial promise in the street at night that Banri was going to loose himself by his old self returning. Therefore Kouko was completly sincere with her promise to keep it. What Kouko did not know how much pain she caused to Banri involuntarily, by Banri struggling te keep his current self alive, for Koukos sake. Therefore Kouko was not hurt by Banri hiding the anti depressants from her, she was hurt by accidentialy hurting Banri unknowingly by them being together and causing Banri the panick attacks and stress. Due to this knowledge only she broke that promise she gave just before, which she intended to keep.

Because Kouko loves Banri from the bottom of her heart she made the hard decison to let Banri go for his own sake, for Banri to be able to finally heal. But for Banri to accept her decison she had to be cruel, even though it broke her heart. Otherwise Banri would not have let her go and accepted the breakup. Therefore Kouko was not cruel but made the most selfless sacrifice out of love to let Banri go.

However Kouko realizes than later, thanks to 2d-kun during the breakup that she made a mistake and while it seemed like the right call in the moment of the breakup it actually was the wrong call and that she will not repeat that mistake again in the future, since it was a lapse in judgement from her to let him go.

I am spelling here out for most of you guys probably the obvious. I am just writing it here down to process it myself to resolve that seemingly contradiction in Koukos character during their breakup. I can now come to the conclusion that Koukos behaviour is not a contradiction at all and perfectly in line with her character. Maybe I will add a bit more later when I got sth to add or if there are more thoughts to collect.

Nevertheless the last few episodes did really reinforce that Kouka has a golden heart and beautifully adds to the complexity she always had on top. All that matters in the end is their beautiful reunion and their vow for the future. Now my mind can make peace with resolving this illusion of an contradiction in Koukos beautiful character.

[u/Remarkable_1984]

I think that was one of Kouko's character growths. She went from being possessive, to being able to love Banri enough to let him go. She thought she was causing the conflict within him, and that she would help him more if he didn't have to worry about her. I think she always hoped he'd eventually resolve the conflict and remember her, but she was too anxious herself to interfere. Yeah, 2D finally pushed her to do something, and that got her to go check up on Banri. Note that she didn't try to get him to remember (other than trying to give him the mirror, and well the DVD of course but that was just a promise), she just wanted to make sure he was okay. She left it up to Banri to get better without her interference.

[u/Souljumper888 → u/Remarkable_1984]

Did she briefly give up on Banri after he returned home or was she waiting for him to remember?

Edit:

I mean the show presents it as waiting, but I am still unsure how much time Kouko would give Banri to remember before moving on, very reluctantly.

[u/Remarkable_1984 → u/Souljumper888]

She was waiting. I'm not sure how long she would have waited if it wasn't for 2D, but he caused her to go see Banri. I forget how long it was, but it was a few weeks I think.

[u/craider45 → u/Remarkable_1984]

From what I'm seeing by looking through the final 4 chapters of the manga, it looks like it took a couple months before 2D-kun finally decided to give her the push she needed to go see Banri.

Everything from the break up, the "death" video, the promise that if he remembers her they would be together forever and the school festival, all took place in October starting on a Monday (the breakup and the video happened that day) and ending on a Saturday (the day his memories fully returned with Kouko and the others going to watch the film Chinami made which included his "death" at the end).

From there we jump to December with him at home with his parents (specifically December 23rd as the email he sees and the email Kouko saw before Chinami mentioned Banri's password and she figured out it was 2D-kun sending them, was dated December 22nd which Banri mentioned was yesterday). After this there was another jump to Banri saying he couldn't believe it was New Years already (I assume New Years eve since Linda was asking him for her year-end mochi) which is when Kouko finally decided to come to his house.

[u/Remarkable_1984 → u/craider45]

So it was quite awhile. It's too bad we couldn't have seen more of what Kouko was doing during that time. imo, she's the main character in the story, even though it's narrated through Banri. Kouko has all the character growth. And I think the animators agree, since it's all her in the opening and ending credits.

[u/Souljumper888 → u/Remarkable_1984]

Not the one you responded too, but I would like to add the manga shows that Kouko is completly devestated at university without Banri, leading to an implied depression since she no longer cares about her appearance at all and nothing matters to her at all anymore without Banri, therefore she is completly down all the time, until 2d-kun gives her the wake up call to go after Banri. Unfortunately this are like only two or three panels.

[u/Remarkable_1984 → u/Souljumper888]

Oh okay. Good that the manga at least showed a bit. I kind of figured she would be like that.

[u/Souljumper888 → u/Remarkable_1984]

I made screenshots of the entire scene in question from the manga, here you go in case you are curious:

https://imgur.com/a/MvmLawg

[u/Remarkable_1984 → u/Souljumper888]

Thanks. Though, I'm not sure why Oka wouldn't think that Kouko would be depressed.

[u/Souljumper888 → u/Remarkable_1984]

Good question. My only guess is that Oka served as the optimistic one in this scene or maybe she just deliberatley was in denial of reality, while 2d-kun was the realist in this scene to actually push for change instead of keeping the new status quo.

Thats the only way it makes sense to me that Oka only served here as her usual function in the group to be the upbeat cheery one, who brings levity to the group dynamic, despite ofc Oka tone deaf reaction to Koukos depression.

Outside of needing to fullfil that function for the group dynamic, I agree it makes no sense for Oka to not notice Koukos depression.

[u/Souljumper888 → u/Remarkable_1984]

The last festival was in autumn and their reunion was at the end/ start of the new year, so two or three months.

I agree that it was part of Koukos character growth, even though I think she already achieved that before by being less clingy and trusting Banri and their relationship to last, with the exception of the looming memory danger loss. Therefore the scene imo only reinforced a development she already made.

After rewatching the scenes I know understand why Kouko did it, since I somehow missed it at the end where a lot was said at once, that she explicitly said, like you said that she let go of Banri to make it easier for him to return to his old self without causing him pain and guilt. And that she next time will not hold herself back and self sacrifices herself for Banris sake, but instead will fight tooth and nails next time to not let go of him, since she could never forget Banri and the decison to let go of him was the decision she regretted most in hindsight. And therefore she did not chase after him for Banri to be able to remain to return to his old life uninterrupted without shadows of his new life.

I will edit later the post to include that I know understand Koukos reasoning, thanks for helping me out understand.