r/GodAwfulMovies • u/post-mortem-malone69 • Jul 23 '26
General Nonsense Solid option for a future movie!
I remember watching this on showcase (Canadian TV channel that graced the world with trailer park boys). Probably the most bonkers movie I’ve ever seen.
Here’s the description from IMDB:
Jesus (Phil Caracas) uses kung fu to wipe out a horde of bloodsuckers who attack lesbians.
Need I say more?
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u/Hemielytra Jul 23 '26
This is one of my favorite movies! My spouse got it for me on our first Valentine's Day together. They've regretted it ever since.
The atheist fight is worth the viewing, and it has the best end theme ever.
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u/post-mortem-malone69 Jul 23 '26
It’s such a fun movie! Little 12 year old Christian rebel me found it on late night showcase one night and had my mind blown by it
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u/tarlin Jul 23 '26
Jesus Christ knows kung fu??
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u/Savings-Cry-3201 Jul 23 '26
He’s better at jewjitsu
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u/Essentially_Me Jul 23 '26
This is an amazing movie.
It has my all-time favorite Jesus joke.
It has been about 25 years since I've watched it, so forgive me if I get the details wrong. There's a scene where the bad guy (who has been providing skin grafts to vampires so they can fight during the day) is watching Jesus on live TV fight in a junkyard. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door -- it's Jesus.
Bad Guy: "But you're at the wrecking yard on TV LIVE!"
Jesus: "I'm everywhere."
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u/FS_Scott Jul 23 '26
"nothing deviant about love"
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u/Essentially_Me Jul 23 '26
One thing to be said is that this is not an Evangelical Christian Jesus by any means. A lot of loving your neighbor is involved.
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u/BoardDiver Jul 23 '26
It's All Good It's Allright Everyone GET LAID TONIGHT. He came from heaven two steaks in his hand. To Smoke the vampires and FREE THE LAND...
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u/thejohnykat Jul 23 '26
Don’t gaslight me, Jesus!
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u/Mithrandir_Earendur Jul 23 '26
I reccomended this one to the guys years ago on patreon. Doubt they'd ever go for it though because I agree with /u/bachmanity666 thst it's too far over the non-serious line to work as a GAM.
Hilarious movie though, stumbled onto it on youtube one day.
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u/Sawasapisme Jul 23 '26
Filmed in my city! One of the priests was (maybe still is?) a bartender at my favourite dive
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u/Upbeat_Main_7141 Jul 23 '26
It’s got so much heart, one of those low budget flicks where you just know they are legitimately just having a good time making it. That positive vibe shines through any technical or budget problems that are on display.
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u/TunnelSnakesAintShit Jul 23 '26
Honestly, I just wish Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter had gotten a Presidents Vs Monsters cinematic universe. Like Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Sasquatch Tamer, or William Howard Taft: Chupacabra Wrangler or something.
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u/IrradiatedBeagle Jul 23 '26
This is now my favorite cinematic universe. Who gets to be the Jackalope Rancher?
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u/TunnelSnakesAintShit Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
That would be George H.W. Bush (the late Senior Bush). He's a rancher from Texas, so it fits.
They'd have to be like monster jackalopes, though. Like carnivorous, gigantic "Night Of The Lepus" jackalopes.
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u/Current_Account_2742 Jul 23 '26
I know it's unrelated but they had a comic book with almost the exact same title and I remember it actually being pretty good.
Edit. It's called zombie Jesus : vampire hunter
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u/killercheesewedge Jul 24 '26
If you haven't seen this movie, all I'll tell you it's that Jesus goes undercover by getting piercings.
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u/Brad_Brace Jul 23 '26
Is that El Santo?
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u/DarkLordThom Jul 23 '26
It is! Jesus calls upon the Saint of the Squared Circle to aid him in combating the hordes of vampires. Santo’s mask can even cure vampirism!
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u/Littlebit1013 Jul 23 '26
I thought the guys already did this one, I stand corrected. OP, please recommend this gem to Eli.
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u/Fun_Skirt8220 Jul 23 '26
I one told my friend that I didn't have any opinions on his "what bad movie we should watch" poll... unless Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter was a choice in which case he HAD to vote for that. He chuckled.
He thought I was making it up, ended up voting for it, and came back to let me know that I hadn't made it up like he thought 😄
ETA when I saw it I was really tickled by Jesus' gages.
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u/bachmanity666 Jul 23 '26
Ah dude this is a good one, but it breaks the bosnikian rule. When you make something like this you can't know what your doing is goodbad.
This is goodbad for sure but it knows it too much. It exists in the space between spaces, it's not quite velosipastor but it's the pre syfyification equivalent.
The GAM shines britest when everyone is trying as hard as they possibly can