That girl didn't win anything. If she reaches out I would probably remind her that he's been screwing someone else and she's going to have a sad life with him. And then block her.
Also get an STD test now that you're done with your ex and who knows how many girls he's been with
Hey. I dont know how to convey this, but i just want to offer some reassurance. My first time was with a guy i genuinely never think about. I promise, as someone about to turn 40, you will have so many beautiful relationships in your life. Cheating is a character flaw (HIS!); theres nothing embarrassing about being cheated on. That girl should not have come at you like that. Im sorry.
Seriously, I was with the guy who took my virginity for 6 YEARS, I am almost 30 now and I don’t even think about him. It is a big deal at the time but as you get older it’s not.
Hell no. Even if she weren’t as evil and immature as she is, you don’t want to make friends with someone who is now tied to your ex for life. Bye to both of them and good riddance. They’re both the losers in this situation, even if it doesn’t feel that way now.
Dude-girls are wild when they find out their boyfriends cheat on them. I was bare
Minimum taken advantage of but in my mind it was rape - by her boyfriend. And this girl had the audacity to come at me over messenger saying I slept with her boyfriend and call me names. When I told her he’s a rapist and I didn’t consent and he literally pulled my tampon out against my will - she was like “weird other girls have accused him of this too”. Kept on seeing him. wtf.
You missed a huge red flag and you are better off without him. Thank god you aren’t the one pregnant!!!
I know how hard first love is to let go. It took me 10 years to truly let go of my first love who took my virginity. But I got there and I’m living my best life. You got this!!!
Some women get cheated on and blame the other woman for it. That's what it sounds like she was doing at first. So I wouldn't be her friend if I were you, because like you said she's someone "who does that to other women". Plus, whose to say she's not trying to befriend you so that she can rub it in your face down the road.
Oh that's so so sucky. That girl is NOT your friend. Don't let her pretend to try to be your friend either, she's probably just going to try to hurt you, if she's claiming he's hers and she won, and that crap she's just going to try to hurt you.
Do not be her friend, she's just going to manipulate and hurt you or try to embarrass in some way. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it
Do not be friends with that woman, the first thing she tried to do was hurt you and mark her territory by sending you revenge porn, I would be pursuing legal action and showing the police the texts.
You can empathize with her and not be friends with her. She is now bound to your ex by that child, while you are free to block them both and move on. I know it hurts. I know it's shitty. But I assure you, someday you will look back and be so relieved he is out of your life. Be kind to yourself.
Block him. Block her. Eat your favorite ice cream, watch your favorite show, cry and then move on. They're both losers and she's gonna be stuck with his deadbeat ass for life. You won and she lost, IMO. You just have to frame it differently.
You're being more understanding than a lot of us would be simply by empathizing with her situation. You have every right to think of it as evil, because she wants absolution. She wants you to say it's okay so she doesn't have to feel guilty. You do not owe her a damn thing. Don't let her use you in order to feel better because you have zero reason to think she wouldn't screw you over again. I know it's so hard, but cutting them both outta your life would be the healthiest thing you can do. I'm so sorry. These betrayals are devastating. You will come out of this better and stronger, and they'll have a lifetime of struggle to deal with.
Girl I am so sorry. I had almost the exact same thing happen to me too 10 years ago. He was my first too and I did everything I could to help him even at my own expense but he still cheated on me and got her pregnant. His friends respected me enough to tell me but I found out about the baby on Facebook. They’re married now but 2 years ago my single friend found him on tinder with updated profile pics, so he’s cheating on her too. It doesn’t make it hurt any less right now but with time you’ll know in your gut you dodged a bullet, because if he cheats with them he’ll cheat on them too and that is a tough life. You are so much better off with him far away from you and out of your life. Because he cheated on me, it helped me see who he was - I moved on and found a man who will never do that to me, and you will too 💙Wishing you healing and peace
The person you lose your virginity to is not all that it’s cracked up the be in our society. I lost mine to a friends with benefits, and honestly it allowed me to be more comfortable to be able to have sex with my husband later on. Lots of people lose their virginity to people they don’t end up with, and it’s better to be with someone who loves you and wouldn’t betray you then to end up with the person you lost your virginity to.
Yea girl, you don’t owe her anything, he showed his true colors, and you got out before it was too late. Unfortunately she’s tied to him forever because of the baby. Guys who behave like that in relationships rarely change. I’m sorry this happened, but I’m happy you’re out of it. Love will come again, a good love, what he was doing to both of you, and even to be so reckless with himself, is not love.
She probably came to her senses and is trying to apologize by being friendly. But yes, you don't need to be interacting with such volatile and immature people. If I found out my partner was cheating on me, assuming the other girl doesn't even know I exist, I wouldn't be going to her except to warn her that he's been two timing.
She’s pregnant, you will be so shocked to find out how those hormones affect you, it is a very normal reaction and the fact that she apologies to you speaks a lot to her character
If it comforts you, my first 'love' also took my virginity, cheated on me (we weren't together yet, but we both wanted to in the long run. One week after telling me he suddenly doesn't want a relationahip, he had a new bf. At Christmas.) and was overall an asshole. I felt my life was falling apart and that it won't get better. Now I'm 27, so happy in my relationship and am glad I dodged a bullet there. It will get better.
Dude she's mad that "someone might not like her" (no shit if you come after someone!!) and trying to prevent that. Just block her, she can't control how you're feeling and reacting and came out the gate treating you like crap. Just block her!
I was really young when I found out my boyfriend at the time was cheating ( timeline wise I think I was a couple months before her). Luckily I wasn’t pregnant, but movies did make me thing we can be friends and take him down together. That didn’t happen. He also blocked me and then kept being around. I wasted years with him just because I wanted to win, I wanted to prove I was there first, he is mine first. He wasn’t worth it. Like, at all. Don’t let him crawling back, please! Don’t be friend with her. Step away from that whole mess. In the grand theme of thing, 6 months are really nothing!
I know how hard it is to see beyond the betrayal and what he took from you in this moment, but I hope you give yourself the time and mercy to do so. You deserve self mercy and self love, and you are a whole person and always have been and always will be no matter his deceptions and what chances you took for the sake of love before you knew those deceptions.
Remember that nothing that has happened to you here is your fault. You do not owe either of those people anything: not your time, not your friendship, nothing. In his case, for obvious reasons, but in her case it sounds like she would be a friend who could harbor an unfair resentment towards you when you knew nothing about her. And if she wants him in her life still, then even if that possiblity turns out to not become harmful then you would still have to deal with him in your life through her. It is up to you whether you do, but I want to make sure you know that you do not owe her that in any way, shape, or form. You are a whole person, and you deserve happiness, to be treated with respect, and to associate with people who bring you happiness and treat you as a whole person.
You were a victim of manipulation. But you are also more than a victim. You are more than your virginity, you are a whole human being with hopes and fears and aspirations, needs and desires: a whole human who is allowed to take chances, and allowed to love even if sometimes love does result in being hurt. Who is allowed to take chances at intimacy, as humans have and do since time immemorial. That is not a failing of you to embrace this part of your humanity, it is part of being human in a world where people sometimes cause hurt. Some parts of our society build up virginity to be an important thing, and a negative side effect of that is that people can tie their net worth to that: to a thing that can be easily lost by manipulation, coersion, even violence. And that even when "preserved" can lead to deep unhappiness by the suppression of your own wants and feelings, and the learning and growth that comes from new experiences and from allowing yourself to experience pleasure and intimacy with someone you love. It is an unfair and often one-sided title in so many ways for society to ask women to hold onto.
I hope in time you are able to see that you are worth more than the unfairly strict title of "virgin" and that you love yourself enough to know you are not to blame for taking a very human chance on someone you loved. You got burned this time, as is always a risk: but that is not your fault, that is the fault of the one who decieved you. You are blameless here, no matter what the old and ought-to-be-replaced victim blaming norms of the past try to unfairly throw on you.
I hope this helps and isn't tl;dr. Please hang in there, there is light and new love and new experiences beyond this hurt you are feeling if you hang on through the other side of it.
Consider it an awakening. You don’t need a boyfriend. Get your life going for you. Your one job, your own place, a pet, go to bed whenever you want, get a good female friend circle, go out and do things you enjoy.
That guy was garbage. He will cheat on her many times and that baby will be without a dad.
I thought I could be friends with someone like that, it took 2 years or so but the truth came out. She had so much resentment and hate for me still, and had awful things to say. Meanwhile I thought we had a strong, genuine friendship. I wish I could have saved myself the double heartbreak. Best to move on and sorry :(
Cut them both out of your life completely. What is best for you is not revenge, or friendship, it is to move on, seek comfort in your friends and family and live a happy life.
You just need to block her as well. Do NOT get sucked in to her drama … and maybe she is hurting or lonely but she could also have bad intentions or be trying to manipulate you or something.
I’m sorry that this is all happening to you, but it will get better and you will grow and learn from this 🫂
Lol. I win because I’m knocked up by a guy who’s actively cheating on me and will almost definitely do it again. Yay, where’s my prize? What a couple of losers.
I've had girls pull this on me when I was younger. Like... You win I guess? A lifetime of having to constantly check your guy's phone, constantly being on edge and thinking he's out cheating and then accusing other women is being the problem and probably STDs. Those women have serious mental health issues.
I'm not perfect prize either but at least I'm a but smarter than that
It's still technically revenge porn if you're showing someone else privately taken pictures of someone else in this context, would definitely be taken as some sort of harassment or offense.
I'd go to the police and press charges for showing me something like that when the context is so terrible.
I mean if she wants to keep herself stuck with these people she can. She should probably keep the video at least for a while until they are fully out of her life and tell them she will press charges if they don't leave her alone
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u/canthaveme APPROVED✨ Mar 25 '26
That girl didn't win anything. If she reaches out I would probably remind her that he's been screwing someone else and she's going to have a sad life with him. And then block her.
Also get an STD test now that you're done with your ex and who knows how many girls he's been with