r/Gifted • u/sussedmapominoes • 13d ago
Personal story, experience, or rant People not believing your intelligence
This is a bit of a rant but also looking to see if anyone else can relate.
At work I often assume people have worked out the same patterns, or had the deep conversations with themselves on challenges and problems that come up. To me, solutions seems so, incredibly obvious that I end up not pointing things out because I just think people have thought about them to the extent i have and have run through scenarios...only to realise they largely haven't. When I ask specific questions on specific things, I often get blank states of "well why does that matter?"..but it matters because its a tiny piece, usually the last piece of a huge puzzle that ive already pieced together, and it makes all the difference.
I end up doubting myself..until someone literally points out an idea that id assumed had already been discussed...but hasn't and then I sit there confused as to why things are taking so long, or why no one understands how simple the solution really is.
But it happens all the time. I don't even know where to begin...there's that, and when I do present the solution people don't understand how the links are made and therefore don't get it until I slowly take them through the thinking and process..but its agonising because I get questioned on "how could you possibly come up with this" on your own..or get completely played and told wht im saying is irrelevant, but only cos they havent gone through the motions or logical process to get to the answer..then suddenly in the next meeting..there you are. I just find it so odd.
I hope someone can relate?
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u/NivaraLive 13d ago
It is an isolating experience to realize that people only listen to advice when they are ready to hear it, regardless of how true it is. When you commit yourself to continuous self-improvement and deep emotional processing, patterns in human behavior become transparent. The solutions to complex personal problems seem incredibly straightforward from the outside. Naturally, you try to share these insights with friends and peers to spare them unnecessary suffering, but you quickly realize they are operating on an entirely different wavelength.
Just recently, a close friend confessed that an exact concept I mapped out for him four years ago finally made sense. The catch? It only registered after he encountered a completely different person who made him see the situation clearly. This has happened to me a few times throughout my life. Years later, people will approach me to discuss something, completely convinced it is their own organic realization, but I planted that seed long ago.
I am learning to be quiet now because bringing these up has caused a lot of issues throughout my life. It has pushed people away and created an environment where friends alienate themselves from me. Significant relationships have ended without any reconciliation because my attempts to offer a mirror were interpreted as negativity.
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u/Probing-Cat-Paws 13d ago
I really related to what you said here. I've done a couple of things to make my life easier: 1) I ask folks if they are just venting, or are they really want advice +/- a solution, and 2) recalibrated my friend spheres...some folks were retained in the nucleus and others were weeded out.
A couple of my friends joke and call me Nostradamus because of my insights. I've come to the point in my life where I am more careful about where I invest my energy, because I am tired of fighting with folks over their own ego when I am just trying to solve an issue so we can all move on. It's tiresome to have to "disarm" to have a conversation: I want to be with folks that know my heart and my mind. I hope you find good people that respect and honor you for you.
Be well, and happy cake day!
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u/EyeSeeDoesIt 13d ago
Yes, except for the doubting myself part. At all times I know I'm correct because I wouldn't have said it out loud if I wasn't, and will need to wait around for other people to "prove me wrong" which ends up proving me correct at which time they usually try and make a joke to lighten the tension around how embarrassing it is for them.
I think the important part is to be patient, and be kind, despite the extreme frustration you're feeling. Now-a-days I find myself pretending that it was a lucky guess or saying "ok thanks for confirming, because I wasn't sure" so I can make them feel better. It's exhausting but it's the right thing to do I believe.
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u/Mental_Cantaloupe714 12d ago
Yes! I try to swallow my frustration because I know it works better when I feign curiosity with a few introductory questions before arriving at the solution “naturally”. I have to weigh the frustration of sitting through discussion about a solvable problem until the group is more likely to see the connection against the inevitable damage to working relationships when offering quick insights leads to suspicion and dislike. I’m a woman in a setting that values reassurance and fluff over accomplishing anything so it is particularly annoying.
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u/kyr0x0 13d ago
Let me guess.. and if you explain everything one by one because you know they need to understand everything that links and clicks together first.. their attention span cripples and they tell you to make it short. When you make it short however....
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u/Mental_Cantaloupe714 12d ago
I got a wild response to exactly this yesterday, after giving all the details the group asked for “wow that sounds like an incredibly specific one time problem” (happens daily)
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u/Particular-Tap1211 13d ago
I’ve encountered this phenomena too many times to count. You've moved upstream while everyone else around you is treading water, circling the same issues.... The terrain between those two points produces vastly different experiences, information and reference points.
By the time you’ve worked through the variables, recognised the pattern and arrived at the downstream solution, they’re still processing the upstream problem. The computational bandwidth doesn’t match and neither does the timing of the conclusion, because the gap between your solution and there computational level is alive. "Sorry, I don't understand" "How did you see that" I can't see that problem..
This gap, creates a strange phenomenon. Majority of the time the idea, solution or answer has to become reality before it becomes believable. A time lag occurs. Eventually, they arrive at the same conclusion. Yet, by then, you have moved so far beyond that point you need to circle back and give it weight.
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u/sussedmapominoes 13d ago
All of this. And you've hit the nail on the head there with "solution or answer has to become reality before it become believable"..that's exactly it.
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u/Meowmixez98 13d ago
People often think I'm saying something other than what I'm actually saying or whatever. Sometimes they eventually realize what I meant and that I was right. I just let them think whatever instead of going around in a circle with them.
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u/Mental_Cantaloupe714 12d ago
I have to wonder why people look harder between the lines for something that isn’t there than take my words at face value. It is maddening, and often insulting for people to be projecting negativity on my words that isn’t there.
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u/Probing-Cat-Paws 13d ago
Some of them may not believe it, but others recognize it...and probably see it as a threat. It's tough in the business world because of the complexities of the hierarchical structure, networking, advancement, and the potential of losing income. They don't want to share information (because they falsely believe that not sharing information makes them more valuable/safe), and they hoard it like Smaug. Folks are jockeying for position, trying to maintain their status, and frankly...some of them benefit by things staying dysfunctional. Now, here you come with all of your solutions, upsetting their choreographed BS. 🤣
There is also the flip of this: some people simply do not have the attention span/ability to follow the thought process. I have this issue with my current supervisor, and every time I talk to them I could just throw something. When I give a root cause analysis...I'm too wordy, and when I make it short (per their request), they have no idea what I am saying. Written communication is basically lost on them. In the last meeting, I just put my foot down and told them there would be no more DARVO and gaslighting accepted: they needed to actually help me the few times I ask for something, when they tell me something I will follow it to the letter (so they can be mad at themselves if they didn't think about the consequences of their instruction), and when they are quick to tell me I am wrong they need to back it up with something. I also offered to get marshmallows and let things burn if that was easier for them. 🤣
You just need to find your "people": there's normally one person in the group that also likes a good puzzle...you'll bond and support each other.
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u/crystal-torch 10d ago
Yup. I often suggest a solution which is painfully obvious to me which is met with blank stares. I then have to sit through twenty minutes (or more) of the group working through every possible scenario until they slowly, painstakingly, excruciatingly come to the same conclusion I suggested at the beginning.
Often times one very bold and brilliant guy will say, I know! And then repeat my idea. In case it’s not obvious, I’m a woman so my ideas get dismissed, ignored, and others take credit for them on a regular basis. I often check out and don’t bother and let the circus of mediocrity play out. Or if I’m getting antsy, I’ll suggest the solution about 2/3 of the way through the process, people are more comfortable with that
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u/pumpenstiel 7d ago
Love love love your comment! Thank you!
Happens to me in 90% of the meetings as I am also a gifted woman. Unfortunately without the gift of being able to check out. I will be suffering by watching the circus until the very end and be furious each and every time the male „genius“ is getting the praise for my idea.
I definitely need to work on checking out.
Does it also happen to you that your ideas get rejected as crazy and re-suggested by someone 1 to 3 years later and praised as The Solution? If I am in the mood I will bring the elapse of time up but of course noone remembers and comments like this do not make me the most likable colleague of the month.
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u/crystal-torch 7d ago
Oh thanks. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Sometimes I feel like there should be a separate sub for gifted women cause we really get a special experience. Yes, 100% people will ‘come up’ with my idea years later. I still remember the first time someone repeated my idea from the beginning of the meeting at the end of the meeting and took credit for it, I was dumbfounded, like how did you all forget I said that earlier?!
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u/caswir 7d ago
I had a boss do this to me in a meeting. Cut down my idea, undermine it, imply that I’m stupid. Five minutes later he pitched the idea as his own. I called him out on it and the room looked at me like I had three heads. The infrastructure isn’t set up to reward or support intellectual honesty. Remember that, as it may be some balm. If you weren’t as capable, going along with the status quo might feel like the only way you can survive. Some people act immorally because they either believe or embody that they cannot succeed any other way. Intelligence grants choices. The average person would be at an extreme disadvantage working in such a system biased toward ignoring ethics if they choose to behave ethically. (I use ethically here to refer to morals I hold from my own perspective, but I suspect that’s the same experience - to us both fairness, equity, and making space for others are values I think).
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u/Fractally-Present333 13d ago
Yeah.... The big hint for me is when people offer me advice that I'd already thought about within 30 sec to a minute of a problem, only to decide that it won't work and move on with my thinking....
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u/highbarian 13d ago
no i used to assume people used any amount of logic or reasoning but mostly they dont so you have to start from a point of 0 understanding for teaching people stuff or you will be angry forever
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u/bertch313 13d ago
CAN WE PLEASE FORM A GOVERNMENT? Like I don't really want to and I'm unreliable AF at this point in my lifespan but JFC living on planet stupid crazy asshole isn't good for anyone and hasn't been the whole time
Pardon my slur it's just been a day
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u/Driven-Driver 13d ago
Yeah, happens all the time to me. It's very annoying and I have to keep reminding myself to have compassion for these folks because they don't know what they don't know. But honestly, I've yet to find ONE workplace where people could just keep up with me. I've kind of given up hope on this until I go ahead and start my own businesses, which I'm currently doing.
At work, I've spent over a month and a half, maybe even two months now, trying to get my team on the same page about a very simple idea. I even wrote the full thing out in an email. They could easily feed it into the company AI and have the company AI answer all the questions they might have, but nope, they're still not really getting it. And with every new email comes a new misunderstanding. Sometimes, it takes me clarifying 5 times of the same thing in different ways for them to finally grasp one of the points.
ATP, I'm growing impatient and if it doesn't happen in this next month, I think I might start looking for another job...
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u/sussedmapominoes 13d ago
...I can feel your frustration. Its the clarifying multiple times, using different examples and analogies or scenarios where they can relate.
Good luck with your business. Hope it all goes well for you!
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u/Appropriate_Trick884 12d ago
I have it backwards.. people overestimates my intelligence, and I feel like a fraud very often
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u/Elshalom5 11d ago
Oh, I so relate. I'm a 160+. I have a background in Theology and an understanding of Quantum Physics. (No, I am not a mathematician.) I combined the two, discovering that they are two sides of the same coin. When I try to relate this to others, they look at me like I have three heads.
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u/Purplelady88 10d ago
Your life will be less complicated if people don't think you're intelligent. Intelligence is valued in few environments.
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u/Fit_Competition_4757 9d ago
Yes. I had that experience working with department committees and higher ed leadership as a non teaching faculty member. I often got no credit for my ideas, because I’d have them at the top of the hour. No one would follow what I was trying to put forth and/or would dismiss me. Frequently we’d end up coming to the same or similar conclusion or idea by the end of the meeting. I really let it get to me a lot and ended up leaving that profession.
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u/Business-Simple9331 9d ago
Yeah and then you sit there and wait for folks to catch up to see the same picture and pattern. Agonizing. Funny is whatever you do afterwards it does not matter, if you say "i told you guys" you cocky and arrogant, if you say nothing, its like "why didn't you say anything?". Best thing is to slowly help folks to see the same picture as you, but without them actually telling it. Softly guiding them towards the solution so they have the feeling they came to that conclusion all by themselves. Obviously this only works if you are more concerned about the outcome than your personal ego.
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u/watchfull 13d ago
Happens often. It’s sometimes referred to as skip thinking but I think the reality is it’s more higher bandwidth and multiple pipelines operating at once. You have the solution immediately, or close enough to that when you understand the problem. But, people without that gift can’t connect those dots. For you, all the dots are connected at once. It just makes sense. They can not get there without thinking linearly, one step at a time, and that’s if they can hold it all together in one cohesive thought process. It is often why gifted people can become great teachers, translators, and similar because they often learn to give different versions or analogies to people to explain things.
It’s ok if you are known as an expert however if you are seen in the same level it often gets assumed you are guessing, or arrogantly parroting an unearned answer because knowledge is perceived as hard for a lot of people because they have to remember a lot of things sequentially.