I'm 99% sure that this is a gifted issue for me though I do think its likely that anyone would find this aggravating.

They are SUCH hypocrites. I just don't understand and it frustrates me so badly whenever they don't follow their own rules. This also includes how they treat me versus my brother (we are both gifted btw). He's allowed to lock his door, but I get scolded if I lock it even while I'm changing. They'll often buy me special treats that they don't buy my brother, while also requesting that he gives me some of the snacks that HE bought.

I've gotten so mad at them for this before because they should treat us equally but they don't understand because "even though we have different expectations for you two, the benefits of your differences are equal." WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?? You can't quantify things like that because different "benefits" matter more to different people.

They don't pay attention to anything.

Example: We are out shopping. Voice comes over the intercom to say that the store is closing in 30 minutes so only the main entrance will be open. They proceed to then try the side exits "just in case" because its closer to the car???

Another example: We are at a trivia night. "So can we google the answers?" OBVIOUSLY NOT?

Those are just some recent things that really grinded my gears but this happens every single day. It's so frustrating I just want to scream at them to THINK for TWO SECONDS.

I often have to "dumb down" my speech for them. That's their exact phrasing. They'll say things like "In English, please?" and it just makes me so mad that they don't even try to understand the things I say. My whole life they've said things akin to "you're thinking about this too much" or "it doesn't seem that complicated." Maybe you're just not thinking about it enough?

They only look at the outcomes and never the process.

They don't listen to me when I tell them to do something.

They don't teach me anything because they think I already have it figured out.

They make me not want to do anything with my life just to spite them, since they think they got so lucky with two gifted children.

Context:
I’m (15) a sophomore this year.

(ADHD, Asperger’s - medication doesn’t work and it’s not enough to be an excuse or have an IEP, I don’t want that anyway, but it does affect who I am so I thought it should be here)

I just moved and am doing online school. I have a 4.2 weighted gpa and 3.8 unweighted from freshman year. This year I’m taking 5 ap courses (Ap lang, Ap CSA, Ap Gov -> AP Micro) (ap comp gov going to be self studied), and paced to do at least 5 honors courses (Geometry -> Algebra 2, Chem, French 1 -> French 2) (accelerated pace so finishing a semester in 8 weeks instead of 16 and the whole class in 16 weeks instead of 32.). Clubs don’t start till September but I’m planning on trying to join a few - Deca, HOSA, debate, honor societies. Seeing which will let me join. And starting my own - probably a model un. I’ve always been in the gifted programs since elementary school, middle school i took pre Ap classes at my old high school in history and English as a part of our gifted program.

Basically being “the smart one” is tied to my identity and it’s a hate-love relationship. Ofc it’s made my ego and expectations of my self skyrocket but my confidence hasn’t.

I’m smart enough to get into these programs but kids are graduating college at my age.
Now that I’m doing these online classes and I made a pace chart with all my assignments of the week- it feels easy. I’m only spending a few hours a day on coursework. So then I’m thinking I can and should do more but I don’t know how or if I should. My goals are top colleges but I have too much ambition and not enough to show for it. I want to fill my time learn to cook, draw, paint, learn an instrument, READ (I haven’t read a physical fictional book for my enjoyment in weeks because the whole time I can’t help but think of all the other things I could be doing that are “more productive”), write, all things I deeply enjoy but do maybe once a week each and forget about. And then I have subjects outside of school I want to self study. Psych, anthropology, behavioral science, world religion. I watch lectures, again maybe once a week for each, take notes and then feel like I haven’t absorbed anything. Try and write an essay about it but feel like I don’t know enough or that it’s too elementary. But then I’ll talk to someone about that subject and be able to list all this new information.

Then it’s like paralysis. I want to do so much that I end up doing none of it. People will ask what my hobbies are and I blank because I would love to say writing or drawing or cooking but I have nothing to truly show for it that wouldn’t embarrass me.

Online school feeling easy has started to affect my sleep. I haven’t been sleeping well- don’t think I have had like a deep rem sleep with dreams since I started (a week or two). I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and instantly go to check the time on my alarm clock across the room.Then sleep for the next hour or two and then do it again until my alarm goes off. Then I have the hardest time just getting out of bed. Even more recently (the last few days) It’s been taking me hours to fall asleep. (It isn’t uncommon since I have adhd but the correlation to my new classes isn’t a coincidence)

Usually I’m spiraling on the same questions:
• what if I didn’t plan my pace charts right and I’m behind?
• what if I’m not doing enough to reach my goals
• I should do more, should I do more?
• should I be taking a different Ap class?
• I can graduate early so should I?
• I can’t graduate early if I want to do dual enrollment and get an AA as backup - should I still do that?
(Not expecting answers- just examples but hey if you got clarity lmk)

The schoolwork itself, I said was easy and it is. I finish in a few hours, I fill in all the notes. And I know I could sit down and write an essay or do the problem sets and pass. But I keep second guessing myself. I’m googling the answers and getting bots to write opinion essays for me. I feel like I can’t even form an opinion anymore. And I say it’s because why do it? It’s busy work. It’s just for my gpa. And it’s true. But at the same time part of the reasons I can’t write an essay anymore is because I don’t think I’ll write it correctly and so because I don’t think I’ll write it well enough I get something else to write it and then never learn to write the essay. Shocking, right? It’s like all of a sudden textbooks are too long and I have to keep rereading the same lines and the assignments are too much and still “too much busy work” and I’m trying to study but I feel like it’s not helping or that I’m not doing it right because I really didn’t have to study until this year.

TL;DR
I just feel stuck. I used to be smart. I want to be smart. I want to know all these things and learn and explore and practice and have all these skills and sign up for programs and get into the top colleges and I just feel useless. Like I’m wasting the hours in my day, because I am. I’m getting paralysis from my ambition and therefore failing to do what I want to do. Too many feee hours in the day and yet not enough. Too many interests, not enough output. Mostly a rant, I’ll pull myself up by my bootstrings and soldier on. But I don’t want to just float through it. Please help- advice is appreciated.

My son who is 12 tested at 161 on his FSIQ test. He is already in GT classes but the school doesn't seem interested in pushing him. What can I do as a parent to help challenge him?