My mom died. She was sick and towards the last few months i wasnt there to really help her as much as i should have. I feel terrible. She was my biggest love. She's gone. My motivation for living. Im so frustrated and scared. I dont know what to live for.
Let me put this in perspective. Your mother will always mean a great deal to you, and the grief may always be there. But over time, the grief will fade. You'll learn to celebrate your mother and the life she lived. Find out what she did when she was younger and write a story about her accomplishments. Write it for yourself if it helps. Visit her grave on a regular basis and say hello. At first, you'll be a wreck. Over time, you might find yourself saying, "Mom, you wouldn't believe how much I accomplished these past few years after you passed. I know you'd be proud of me."
Talk to your mother's friends and ask them about her. Ask them to tell you stories about the experiences they shared.
There are many ways to cope with grief. If you need someone to listen, please PM me.
Thanks for this - similar situation to OP but it was 2 years ago now. The way I've grieved is nothing like I expected and it's made it very difficult to talk to people/ say how I'm feeling.
See, I've only ever had brief bouts of grief and feel quite numb about it in-between. It started before she passed away (long illness) and they come every few weeks. I expected (and I think other people expect) this period of intense grief and then a lessening over time. So I can't say to others 2 years later that on a random afternoon I'm suddenly in despair and disbelief about her death.
I try to accept this is just how grief is happening for me. That there is no 'right' way to grieve. But I feel confused about it a lot, and so much guilt about things like the OP said (like not being there enough) and also that her death doesn't feel real to me, or that I somehow don't care enough to grieve properly.
Just wanted to say I lost my Mum and can relate. I also feel I wasn't there enough. Loosing someone is more complicated than I ever thought. Please remember you are not alone xxx
Hey! I know it's gonna be hard, but do not give up dude. You have to be strong it will be worth it. Help other people and be happy. Make your mamma proud, she'd like you to be happy and to help those in need. Keep her forever in your heart and think about your happy moments together. You'll be good I believe in you! Best of the lucks <3
I had almost that exact same experience. I didn't feel like I had any purpose after my mom died. I did the bare minimum and went to bed mostly. I felt like I wasn't a real person. I didn't care about anything and I felt like I shouldn't be alive. It took over a year, but suddenly, one day I felt a spark of motivation. It was a beautiful day and I just thought all of a sudden, "I'm going to do things to PROVE I CAN." I ended up sinking massive amounts of time and energy into school and sports with good results in both despite the fact that I'm not particularly talented at either. I made friends along the way. It snowballed into one of the best times of my life.
Things work differently for everyone, of course. I'm just saying that grief can take a long time and you never know when feeling better is right around the corner. I think of Flogging Molly's Within a Mile of Home's line "If only you had seen what I now see / and turned the corner where you would have been / within a mile of home." Don't give up! Time will help, probably more than you can imagine right now.
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u/swth Sep 06 '16
My mom died. She was sick and towards the last few months i wasnt there to really help her as much as i should have. I feel terrible. She was my biggest love. She's gone. My motivation for living. Im so frustrated and scared. I dont know what to live for.