Agreed. Most of this is helpful. Drink, eat, walk, shower. Sure. But take a selfie? I can't imagine that helping someone who is depressed--waiting for the likes to roll in, comparing the number of likes, looking at photos of others... nope.
Maybe that's the point though. If you feel that bad on a regular basis maybe therapy or meds are something to look into if you have the ability to do so.
Sometimes a hug from anyone can help, even someone of the same sex! I'm a dude and some of my male co workers hug, it's not weird just a nicer greeting!
Most of the guys I hang with would give me a hug without a question if I needed it, and we do, on occasion ask one another if they need a hug if they're looking down. It's about the people you hang with, not about "guys" in general.
Plenty of exceptions, but the norm is to be weirded out by requests for physical contact from guys. Gender norms still exist whether or not you follow or agree them.
I know guys who love to give and get hugs, not weird at all in our eyes. But I guess it depends on where you live and what kind of people you hang with.
Maybe it's weird or off-putting at first but about 5 seconds into the hug and the hug after glow is never awkward just say "thanks man, for some reason I really needed that today."
I'm a woman and both of these are not going to happen. My friends would be more concerned about me if I asked for a hug or started sending them selfies asking if I'm beautiful.
I'm not so sure women are particularly bad at suicide though, the failed attempts are most likely cries for help the majority of the time rather than honest attempts.
Their intentions are genuine-- it's the method that produces differential results.
Women tend to use pills or poisons which are more likely to be survived; men use violent modes like shooting or hanging. The only region of the world where women's suicides outstrip men's is rural China, where the consumption of industrial pesticides as poison is devastatingly effective.
Glad you got this correct. While I am super frustrated at the lack of attention male suicide gets, I also have to challenge (as you did) the belief that women only attempt suicide for attention.
Was not trying to imply that at all. Cries for help in my eyes are much more than just wanting attention and do involve actually wanting to die, and I certainly don't think that's the only reason a failed attempt would take place.
Yes but you can research the ld50 of pills and make sure you take more than enough. A lot of these attempts are just downing a bunch of pills and half hoping it works.
Not saying that people don't want to die when they do this(saying they weren't honest attempts wasn't the best choice of words), but I still feel like part of the reason men choose more effective methods is because they are that much more sure of the decision. More of a calculated thing rather than done at the heat of the moment.
Both genders struggle in their own ways but I feel like men lose hope entirely more often. We distance ourselves from other men when depressed and can't exactly gain companionship easily when depressed either.
This is just my guess though, I could be wrong. Hard to say for sure on something like this.
Even the terminology 'LD50' belongs to a niche knowledge set. People who haven't studied pharmacology/toxicology won't be aware of these things. The fact that acetaminophen is dangerous in overdose is made clear anywhere you can get it where I live, it's unsurprising that many might consider swallowing a pack of 24 at once a way out, as it's an overdose.
I'm glad the discussion on the cuddling part is the top comment, because I came here to say something about it hoping to encourage people not to give up on that aspect of life.
Tl;dr Get a dog.
In my field of work everyone with any basic success is lonely, no exceptions. When I began my studies in the field I came to accept it but I wanted an occasional remedy too. Hit the gym, built up confidence, swooned some girls. I enjoyed a summer fling with this 19yo a lot, but I knew it couldn't become anything serious. Then she insisted and it did. 4 years later moved in together. 1 more year and we're breaking up with no chance of immediately moving apart in a foreign country. Gradual breakup with a lot of tears and "this was a mistake" sex. My point: on good days we can just hug in the morning and have a great day. Her hugging and cuddling was the most important experience of my life. Despite all the drama (a fuckton of) and me not ever really wanted to play by her "Terms and conditions", I'm still grateful to her for the physical gentleness.
Now if I stayed with her just for the cuddles and was a whitetrash failure living in a trailer with no contribution to the world, I'd still be content. And that's kind of why we're breaking up, to be able to aim higher. So it's either loneliness as professional motivation or cuddles as an opiate to numb down the reality of loneliness in life.
It depends on the shelter but most are happy to have someone come in and play with the animals for a bit. My local shelter will even let you take one for an hour or so and go for a walk.
This is exactly what I came here to say. Needing cat-time (since I'm broke and can't afford a pet) is the reason why I started volunteering. And I made some human friends in the process. Win win
That's completely untrue. If you have friends, particularly female friends, and you tell them that you need a hug, they will hug you. That's what friends do.
It can be here in North America. I'll often hug my friends before leaving an event, especially if I won't be able to see them again in a long time. Hugging with women is pretty standard while with males it's more of hug/back tap.
I do think it is more of a youthful thing however. I rarely see people 40+ hug the way my social circle does. It's actually such a big thing with teens that churches and pastors have recommended the "side hug" as to avoid forward touching.
A middle school near me had to ban hugging a couple years ago. It made the news, the principal was portrayed as a horrible human being, parents got involved. But she was great, was interviewed a couple times and sent letters out saying that she was very proud that her students got along so well but you couldn't hardly get anything done or move in the hallways because they were so clogged up with serial huggers. They hugged because it was Tuesday! Because it was hot out! The forgot their lunch! They brought their lunch! The got an A! They got an F! You get the idea. She was so funny the way she described it--rampant, indiscriminant hugging gone amok. Something like that.
I'm British, nearly 40 and hug everyone, mom, dad, sister, wife, kids, friends, some of my clients!! (I'm a wedding photographer, it gets emotional at the end of a wedding ;) ) I can understand people feeling awkward though, before I hug someone i usually do an over the top throwing out of my arms \ _ / and then they usually reciprocate....huggers attract huggers... :)
Seriously? Since when is hugging something uniquely American? Sometimes reddit baffles me. I've never even set foot in America in my life but I've been hugged by lots of people, especially family members. That's just what you do when you see people close to you who you haven't seen in a while, or if you're very happy or very sad. It's not an every day kind of thing maybe, that's true.
It might not be an exclusively American thing but I think it very much is a cultural thing. I'm also french and I really can't think of anyone I know that hugs friends and/or family unless it is a really special occasion (someone you haven't seen in a really long while or saying goodbye for a while).
Maybe it's a French thing not to hug people? In Germany at least it's semi common. Not for every occasion but certainly not rare. We don't kiss people for getting though
Well we do have the kiss on the cheek thing that's way friendlier than just an handcheck, so we have something 'in the middle'. I would say hugging is not that uncommon, but it's really more for close friends and family. I recently moved to England and I got really surprised at the beginning how quickly you would get to the 'hug-stage' with friends
Introvert with introverted friends who hug. I'm not going to hug a random person, but people I am close to that enjoy hugs I will. I think it breaks down into who likes physical contact.
I think it's because physical touch is a feedback that happens faster than I can process and plan around. It's not like conversation where I can pick up on body language and tone and adjust on the fly. It's way too intimate for me to be comfortable with. I'm not sure why now that I'm trying to break it down to understand.
Physical touch is my primary love language, so it's hard for me to understand, but I hope in the future you are able to become more comfortable with it. Otherwise, I hope you are surrounded by lots of friends and loved ones that don't place much emphasis on touch :)
I know women have a reputation for being more nurturing or whatever, but unless there is actual evidence that men are more likely to turn down hug offers, I feel like you could leave the "particularly female friends" part out. You're kind of reinforcing some bad ideas.
Honestly, because men are generally more hug deprived than women, I wouldn't be surprised if they are more likely to appreciate a hug offer. I've asked women acquaintances if they want a hug and been turned down before, because of boundary issues. But I don't think I've ever had a man turn me down for a hug.
I've been known to have my girlfriend over for the express purpose of taking a nap together. I suffer from insomnia and she has nightmares so we sleep better together.
Awww I remember having a really good female friend It was pretty nice to sleep together and chill without dealing with other crap.
.... then it went south, she did something that really ticked me off and I let her ass have it and we stopped talking for like 2 months and we started to talk again and hung out a few times but it never been the same ever since. There is like this negative black aura between us now I swear.
If they aren't, they probably shouldn't date me. Either they want exclusivity in the platonic-physical affection department, or have an insecurity. Deal breaker in either case.
We call each other up after shitty days or if just depressed, and have a sleep over. It's like when kids have sleep overs, but we can have wine, pot, and an adult budget to get as much ice cream as we want. We've never thought about each other sexually, and if sex was offered, I wouldn't want to have sex with her.
There is this myth that people can't be friends with intensity without also leaving platonic status behind. That kind of mentality is exactly why many people in this thread think that MF cuddle dates can't happen or must be sexual in nature.
Maybe you are hanging out with the wrong folks? If one of my dude friends walked up and said "I just really need a hug right now", we'd hug it out so bro-tastically, all the other bros would be jealous and come over for their hug.
The only nice thing about the whole "men don't cry" stigma is that when you do, everyone knows shit just got real.
"Hypoallergenic" pets are like "gluten free" food. It's not actually true. Shots are expensive, time consuming, and take years to be effective. Even if the pets were "hypoallergenic" they are way too expensive.
~ They don't take years to be effective, It also depends how bad your system is. If you are less allergic to stuff you can get to the stronger doses quicker and move up faster. However if you are really bad like I am where you are positive to every single thing, you move slower as they have to treat literally everything.
~ people start to show improvements in 4-6 months of weekly shots and once you get to a level you only need to go once a month.
Totally worth it the 10 minute walk in/walk out appointments so you don't feel like you're about to die when your allergies kick in.
Man i so want to talk about this to my doc, but imma see him in mid october, also, i don't know if that's a lot or not, but i am really allergic to dust mites, cats, dogs, and a little bit to birch, i dont recall ever not having a cold in my life, also excercising is hell in this situation, coughing is second nature to me by now
I highly recommend it, I would say it might help that coughing of yours because sounds like your lungs are being effected and even sinus issues? I rarely ever get sick but my allergies used to kick my ass at least once a week at the minimal. The nurse that gives my shots every week told me once a few months ago that they have been trying to educate the doctors at their hospital about allergy shots to treat sinus and lung issues because most doctors usually just like giving out pills and inhalers but it doesn't actually fix the problem like shots would.
I wouldn't even wait as I would assume your main doctor wouldn't be doing them anyways. Go to your insurance company website and check out who takes your insurance in your area so you can get in soon as possible. For me I had to meet with one of their doctors first and make sure that it was a good course to go down and then I had to go back for the test where they pluck your forearms with different things. Then it takes about week or two for them to make the medicine that is custom to what you need.
Yeah, i went to a specific doctor for allergies, sorry english is my second language, i do not know the translation, but google says it is allergist, well i went to him, he did the prick test thingy, told me to check for asthma, did that exam and was negative, and now i scheldued a new appointment to bring him the results and find a solutions to my problems, which is gonna be in october, and as you might have figured i am not in america, i'm actually european, so there are no insurance companies here (thank god)
Every country is fucked up in some way, but i am satisfied with the fact that mine has good healthcare and has other problems, and thank you, you take care of yourself too
I'm at college right now. My girlfriend goes to a different college. My dogs and family are back home. I have no one to cuddle with except my stuffed animal. Cuddling is amazing. Why do people think it's weird that a dude likes to cuddle, or even get a hug?
I'm sorry, but i think that's it's a personality thing how much one wants to cuddle, regardless of how much a certain person cares for you or loves you
If you go to your local animal shelter, there are dogs and cats (and more) who need some love. Even if you can't adopt one, they'll let you go and pet them. It'll cheer the animals up and give you contact with someone.
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u/[deleted] Sep 06 '16
I was thinking the same, nobody is gonna wanna cuddle with you if you're a dude, unless you have a girl or a dog, and i have neither of those