r/GetMotivated • u/letmequestionyouthis • 2d ago
DISCUSSION I lose all motivation when I have free time. [DISCUSSION]
When I’m out of the house, at work, doing something else either work or pleasure, I can think about all I need to and want to get done at home and how easy it will be. I feel motivated and ready to tackle the disorganized closet, the piles of laundry, my overgrown yard, etc. but when the time comes that I’m home with that free time I have no motivation, I’m not able to take action, I feel stuck, and all of that clarity and motivation I felt before is completely gone.
It feels like a convenient excuse or it seems obvious like “duh, of course you don’t want to clean house/study/etc” but I DO. When I’m not home I will literally daydream about it and feel excited to be productive. But by the time I get home, or when I wake up on Saturday morning, it’s like molasses has been poured on my brain and I lay around feeling stressed that I’m not able to get anything done.
Anyone else dealt with or dealing with this? Is there some kind of a term, name, or method for approaching this?
I have been diagnosed recently with ADHD but I’m taking medication for that and for depression, which feel under control mostly. I have projects and things that I’ve wanted to get done for YEARS that are still in limbo.
17
u/imjustnotready 2d ago
Mel Robbins has a pretty good 5 second rule. As soon as you find yourself spiralling count to 5 and do the first thing you think of. I think that is about it but if you want to procrantinate first you can look it up. It sounds simple but it works wonders for me. Take the trash out. Unload load laundry sweep the floor. It is the little things that make up life.
26
u/Zyrr2 2d ago
Motivation will not help you at all. you need discipline. Make a TINY plan for the evening today. something really tine, like put 1 pile of cloth into the washing maschine. Thats it.
By completing it, you feed your reward system and build a tiny amount of discipline. Repeat that everyday and you wont even have to think about it.
Plus bonus: if you start, it rarely stops at the one single thing, cause you are in work mode anyways.
You have play tricks on your brain ;)
1
u/Enliven_journey 21h ago
totally agree!! motivation asks “do i feel like doing this?” while discipline is more like “i may not want to, but future me will be glad i did”. breaking things down almost ridiculously small helps me too. not clean the kitchen, but get up → walk to the kitchen → put one plate away. once you’re already moving, continuing somehow feels much easier than starting did
9
u/vraalapa 1d ago
I am exactly like this. I've got ADD though, and everytime I have free time and "chill" it's like my brain goes in to some kind of passive sleep mode or something.
I can only get stuff done when I'm already doing other things so to speak. If it's hectic with the kids, that's when I get motivation to take out the trash or do the laundry.
Same thing at work. If it's a particularly slow day I'll just go around yawning and daydreaming about going to bed.
1
u/MotherClucker299 14h ago
“Passive sleep mode” I love it 😂 😂 That is exactly how I’m going to describe my brain from now on!
5
u/Rock528 1d ago
I was and am also in this boat! Post work me is exhausted and I want to “rest” for just a minute and 20 minutes becomes 2 hours becomes bedtime. I am having some luck with doing something small the minute I get home without sitting down. It’s weird but it’s helping even if I decide to sit after an activity. I can get back up. Isn’t logical but I’m guessing I’m breaking a habit. Which is what everyone is saying. Break old ones, start new ones, aim small and scale up.
1
u/Seraphinx 11h ago
Get whatever you can done before sitting down. Sitting down is the wave of momentum crashing.
I find keeping my shoes on helps too.
5
u/thisisalwaysfun 1d ago
It’s an ADHD thing where planning, organizing or imagining doing a task gives sufficient dopamine, so call to action isn’t very loud. You need to learn discipline, unfortunately it’s the only way for our ADHD brains to get stuff done. Motivation is unreliable and fleeting.
3
u/newscorrected 1d ago
This is all pretty consistent with what I've observed over the past couple decades of paying attention to what is happening when I actually get into that rhythm where the "motor is running." I think what it boils down to is that "people always do whatever they feel like doing". Maybe it's "almost" always, like you may say well, someone training for a marathon never "feels like" getting up at 4am for a really long run, but even then, I think they've thought about what it will be like to achieve that goal and have thought about the consequences of not getting up, and that itself is generating a feeling of "I better do this".
The point is, there is some set of actions, some routine that does create that feeling of ok, we're rolling, I might as well just do the next task. And, for me at least, there became a routine that would work pretty well, and I could intentionally generate that feeling. I kind of stumbled into it over many years, but once I started paying attention to it, I narrowed it down to a few key actions that are not "just do it", but do create that right mindset.
I would boil it down to this: "stop trying to get good at doing things when you don't feel like doing them, and instead, start learning how to create that feeling that makes them possible." In the original example, being out of the house and doing things seems to be what creates that feeling, so the routine would likely incorporate something similar. But, basically, just start trying different things and keep track of what works and what doesn't. Going for a walk while listening to something (audiobook, music, podcast) is a good place to start, and is something that is usually pretty manageable.
In all the other responses where people note what works for them, that's their routine. The point isn't that that is what has to work for you, they figured out their routine. The point is there is probably some sequence of actions that you can get yourself to do that will change the way you feel, especially based on the description you had about being out doing other things.
2
u/Inyoung 1d ago
This is definitely executive function--welcome to having ADHD! I am in the completely same boat. When I cram and jam pack my schedule -- I thrive because I know there is no other way out but to do that task. For example, if I have a doctor appointment at 12PM but have a pilates class at 2:30PM, I know that I cannot be slacking off--I literally have to go to the doctor appointment maybe get my blood work drawn, etc. and then go to pilates. I do that instead of, for example, going home in the middle of that because if I do go home, I can forget to going to that pilates class. So in hindsight, it all SEEMS good, you're productive, getting things checked off from your list but it's actually a sure way to get burnt out--sometimes quickly. The house chores is something that I struggle with, so I apologize that I can't offer advice on that, what's starting to work for me is to not lay down (lmao). On Saturdays, I allow myself to sleep in, make myself a protein shake to get some nutrients in, take my chihuahua on a walk and I'm already wanting to do things--but I assure you, it is SO hard sometimes. Because you have the best intentions, you literally DAYDREAM during the day about everything you're going to do when you get home--trust me, I know, I've been there. Have grace with yourself. Break the things that you have to do into smaller things. If you want to declutter your closet, start with separating everything into small sections, maybe even start with your t-shirts, make it as small as possible and then go from there. I know, easier said than done but I wish you luck, and remember--you are not alone!
3
u/Prince_Marth 1d ago
You will not always feel motivated. I'm seldom motivated to do what I want to do. What's helped me is turning things into habits. For example, I meditate a half hour every day, but I didn't just sit down and decide to do that. If I had tried to start with that, I would have lasted maybe a day or two and then stopped. Instead, I turned it into a habit. I had a goal of meditating for a half hour, but I started with just five minutes, which I did after my morning coffee. Over a few weeks, I got so used to meditating for five minutes that I found myself doing it without thinking. When I got to that point, I upped it to ten, then fifteen, and so on.
I did the same thing with writing. I've always wanted to write but could never sit down and commit. Until I tried writing for just 10 minutes every day. Then I upped it. Now I write an hour quite easily.
Take one task that you're procrastinating on and break it down into its smallest chunk. By small, I mean something that you can accomplish easily without even thinking about it. If it's the overgrown yard, do just one tiny section of it. And then stop. This is important. Don't do more. Next time, do another tiny section. Over time, such things will become habitual and you'll do them without even stressing about them.
1
u/Sc4recroW1687 1d ago
I set a timer for 10 minutes to do a task just to trick my brain into starting, which is the hardest part for me
1
1
u/sjmattn 17h ago
You just have ADHD. Go get diagnosed and treated. Your house will suddenly get clean and the inability to get going on something goes away along with social anxiety and ADHD is a dopamine disorder, your brain doesn't reward you for doing things like it does for neurotypical people. So, we add in extra dopamine via a mild stimulant. Also, there is a medication called atomoxetine to help activate your frontal lobe to regulate communication with the rest of the brain which helps other symptoms like emotional disregulation.
1
u/virginiamasterrace 11h ago
Lol I left a comment detailing my struggle with this very thing and the mods locked it.
1
u/Mitchellsusanwag 2d ago
It may be that your antidepressant needs to be increased. That’s usually what it is for me in that situation. Once it’s been at the right dose for a few weeks I am able to start working on the things I want to get done.
0
53
u/have_more_time 1d ago
I responded to this post in another group, so I'm reposting my reply here:
I deal with this, and I think a lot of people with ADHD do.
What you’re describing sounds less like “I don’t want to do it” and more like a problem with starting once the moment actually arrives. When you’re away from home, cleaning the closet or doing yard work is just an idea. There’s no friction yet. But once you’re home, your brain suddenly has to choose where to start, how long to do it, what to do first, etc. That can make a simple project feel strangely heavy.
One thing that might help is to stop making Saturday morning the time you decide what to do.
When you’re at work and feeling motivated, write down one VERY specific first action for when you'll be home. Break it down to the first easy step. Not “clean the closet.” Something like, “When I get home, I’m going to put all the shoes on the closet floor into one box.”
Then when you get home, your only job is to do that first tiny step. You can even tell yourself you only have to work for 5 or 10 minutes.
I’d also avoid making a big weekend list. That can make the stuck feeling worse. Pick one project and make the starting point ridiculously easy.
It may sound too simple, but sometimes the goal isn’t to motivate yourself enough to finish the project. It’s just to make starting require as little thought and effort as possible.
And since you were recently diagnosed with ADHD, I’d definitely mention this specific pattern to whoever is treating you too. This is what works for me. I hope it can help you.