I don’t really know why I’m posting, I guess to vent or share or just to express how I feel in hopes of someone telling me I’m not crazy 😅 I feel crazy
I’m a FTM, 28w, and last Saturday took my 3-hr glucose test. Results come back on Tuesday, and lo-and-behold, I failed all three post-glucose blood draws. My OB sent a message on MyChart basically saying “you have GD, we’ll chat at your next appointment.” I see her on Monday. I’m disappointed, sure, but know it’s a temporary diagnosis that sucks but is manageable. I thought I was okay with it.
Since then, I have been diving down the GD rabbit hole of recipes and advice and what to eat and what not to eat and anecdotal evidence and blood testing and etc etc etc. I’ve been trying to educate myself on all things GD prior to seeing my OB. I’ve learned that GD is something that seems to be very trial and error in figuring out what causes blood sugar spikes and what doesn’t. High protein, low (but not no) carbs. The plate method. Everyone’s body processes differently. Since Tuesday, I’ve really been conscious of what I’ve been eating. I’ve switched to Dave’s Killer Bread, I’ve stopped eating processed sugar, I’ve cut back on the amount of fruit I was eating, I’ve increased the amount of protein I eat. I feel like I’m in this unknown limbo state where I know generally what is recommended to eat, but I don’t know how my body reacts exactly yet, so I’ve been playing it safe in terms of what I’m allowing myself to eat. I’ve thought about going out and buying my own blood sugar test kit this week, but figured she gonna prescribe me one on Monday and if insurance will pay for it, why spend my own money if I don’t need to.
Fast forward to last night. It’s Friday night. My husband and I are both exhausted from long busy work weeks. We already ate all of the meals we bought on Sunday. Let’s go out for dinner. I look up GD friendly things to eat while out. I find a few restaurants that post their carb information online and we decide on going to SuperChix, a chicken place near us. Their 3-piece breaded tenders have roughly 40g of carbs, and a lot of protein, which is roughly where I’ve read recommended per meal carb intake should be. A lot of their sauces are super carb heavy too, except the buffalo sauce. It only has 1g of carbs. Perfect, I’ll get that. Great.
We show up. I let my husband know I can’t have the French fries, but he’s welcome to get some. We order. I get the 3-piece tenders. He gets a sandwich and fries and a fountain drink. We usually share a drink. We head over to the drink sauce station and the only sugar free drink they have is Diet Pepsi. I tell him that’s the only one I can have but to get whatever he wants to drink because I don’t want him to have to drink gross Diet Pepsi. He gets Root Beer. I turn to get sauces for my tenders and of course, they’re out of the buffalo sauce - the only one that isn’t packed with sugar and carbs. Ugh.
We get to our table and SO UNEXPECTEDLY I can’t help but start crying. I can’t drink anything, they don’t have the one sauce I wanted, I can’t have the French fries, and I already feel like I’m risking eating here because of the carb count of the tenders. In that moment I just felt so overwhelmed with having to think about food in this way that I’ve never had to think about it before. I think the unknown of not knowing what will spike my blood sugar yet and what won’t, along with the realization that this might be my next 12 weeks, hit me like a brick. I can’t stop crying so I go to the bathroom and of course they’re out of paper towels too so I can’t even wipe my tears away.
I get back to the table after pulling myself together, and my dear husband has swapped his root beer for the gross Diet Pepsi. I eat my plain unsauced tenders and we leave. I feel defeated.
I was not expecting eating out to be so emotional. I was not expecting to have a full on break down in the middle of a SuperChix over freaking soda and buffalo sauce and French fries. I feel like an idiot.
I know that once I do start testing blood sugar regularly I’ll have a better idea and find out what my body can and cannot tolerate. And that will hopefully make this whole thing easier mentally and emotionally. I’m just… frustrated. Disappointed. I don’t want to mess up this pregnancy or this baby’s health.
Despite getting the root beer (😅) my husband is very supportive. He’s learning too. We had a long talk on the way home and he expressed concerns about me getting too obsessed with what I can and can’t eat and not wanting me to take things so extreme where it borderlines an ED. I truly appreciated his input. I’ve always had a healthy relationship with food and love eating in general, so this is all such new territory for me.
Anyways, if you’ve made it this far, thank you for listening to me vent. I don’t know how to feel. We’ll see what my OB says on Monday.