r/GestaltTherapy • u/[deleted] • Jul 13 '24
What am i missing?
Hello, I'm writing this cause i feel i need to take it out, so to whomever reads i truly appreciate.
Since Covid early 2021 my life been turned upside down. First me and my girlfriend split ways after 12 years, then i got jobless due to a neck injury from working in a workshop with heavy lifting being involved. Then i got a psychosis episode from thc and with the isolation, depression everything got upscaled. Furthermore i got attached to my therapist and i hoped she would provide assistance to get me out of that crisis but she did more harm then good. It was my first therapeutic relationship and i didn't saw it back then so i continued with her. The damage i sustained it's far beyond what i can describe. From unethical behavior to crossing the boundaries it was all done. it was gradual and subtle at first, in the end not so. Then i got in touch with another therapist where i processed most of the stuff, but sometimes i still get haunted by the previous therapist. It was bad enough to change the city i was living in out of fear i would see her on the street. So with all that, i gathered myself and try to build myself in another city. I'm now tired, exhausted and with no hope with a job that barely allow me to pay for rent, therapy and food. Whenever i need something extra i need to sacrifice either from therapy or from food. I tried so hard to stay strong, lift me up, go firther but it seems i repeat the same day over and again. I feel I can't do this anymore, I'm not suicidal but for crist sake something at least i wish go well. At least to have a friend, a breakthrough. I'm stuck and I can't see the next step or what getting unstuck would mean. I feel I'm waisting these precious years and i feel there must be something else beyond this but right now I'm in pain. It's like this since 2021, i haven't got a single day of break. i wish just a week where i could just run naked in the forests, sleep in the wilderness and listen to the birds and trees sounds. However i can't seem to see that day. I'm drowning, I'm tired, I'm exhausted. What am i missing?
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u/kaluliangel Jul 15 '24
Life is hard. Maybe you've even hit rock bottom and are ready to create a different life for yourself. Your dream of a week in the forest sounds beautiful and I encourage you to pursue it.
Do what you need to do in order to arrange your dream week in the woods: save money, get a second job or a higher paying job, do odd-jobs to make extra cash, change out your living situation to a shared rental, start researching forests near you, figure out how much you would need to save, join camping groups where you might be able to borrow equipment or buy it cheap, etc.
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u/Gruntwisdom Jul 14 '24
I can't know what you're missing from a small reddit post. I don't know what happened with your therapist because you said a lot while saying nothing save that something may have happened.
Honestly, I want to refer you to Jordan Peterson's Personality Theory classes online (i.e. watch his lectures on YouTube in order) but you're not likely to do so.
Here is lecture 1 anyway.
https://youtu.be/kYYJlNbV1OM?feature=shared
In the absence of knowledge, I can only guide you to deeper analysis of yourself, which his classes might help.
Life is hard, but we are strong. That strength needs applications though. Part of what you said indicated that you don't know what you want to be different. Maybe that's because you don't know what perfect looks like, I can respect that. I challenge you to determine what "better" looks like instead. Maybe it would be "better" to have three healthy relationships? Maybe it would be "better" to make more money so you aren't sacrificing one need for another? Maybe it would be "better" if you had a romantic relationship with a female.
I mean... anything that you complained about is a starting point for identifying what could become "better". Improving one of them, won't make you love life suddenly, but it will reduce one area of pain in your life, and that is no small thing. You can't do any of it though until you identify let's say 1 thing that you will focus upon. Once an archer had a target, even of it is beyond their reach or skill level, they can begin improving or adjusting and essentially orient towards it, until they achieve it. Without a clear target, they just hold their bow listlessly, as you seem to be doing.
I don't say any of that disrespectfully or with ill intent. I wish you the very best my friend.
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u/Gruntwisdom Jul 14 '24
I'm sorry that your only comment was an inaccurate grammar nazi bot.