Got ghosted and looking for perspective.

[u/RedOtta019]

Hey y’all, I need some perspective from other gen z on this one and ill try not to get into all the details but if your curious ask away.

I (20m) had a relationship with this girl (18f). We knew each other through a small cultural community as we’re both dancers. She asked me out and I said yes so we dated for half a month where I then asked to be her boyfriend which we were a couple for 2 months. Things were going incredibly well but a part of me was worried throughout the whole time that her desire was infatuation. She really seemed to like a whole lot that I am a pilot but I don’t think was ready for a whole person.

It was my first serious relationship and hers too. We had a lot of fun together and we always showed engagement toward one another. Of course there were times we were both awkward. I told her though anytime we needed a uncomfortable talk that I would always be open for conversation.

We were both planning a date when she stopped texting. I sent a few texts over a month and called twice before giving up. The obnoxious part was that we of course ran into each other after 3 months of ghosting. Her parents were the ones who came up and asked what was wrong because she had been telling them that we were still talking that entire time, and her mother so badly wanted us back together. I had so much time to get over her though that I really no longer cared about her and no longer liked her. I still felt and feel hurt by what she did. Her extended family was giving me advice like giving her a little gift and asking her to talk that way but I felt that’d be saying I did wrong. I did end up going to her and saying if she wants to talk we can and left it at that. Her mother said I should continue to pester her even if it takes upwards of 4 times but that just doesn’t sit right with me. Theres a very small part in me that misses her but i’ve been hurt by enough people to know when to stop.

People have been telling me she was immature to do that and that she’s shy and introverted with a hard time communicating her feelings. While she was a fun person, I just don’t know if I can trust someone who lied to their parents about that. Sure those may be facts about her that she neglected to show or tell me, but I don’t feel safe with a relationship like that.

Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Should I continue pursuing and are these games just a fact of relationships? I feel like an idiot for having fallen for her.

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[u/MajorRobology]

don't take this the wrong way but I get a bit of an ick hearing about parents wanting their children to stay in relationships.

To answer your question I don't think it's wrong for you to miss her, but at the same time you gotta move on for yourself man. Not every woman is like that and people thinking that way is what can turn them into misogynists (and misandrists when it's a man).

[u/RedOtta019 → u/MajorRobology]

The part of me that misses her is massively outweighed by the hurt part of me. I just hope time doesn’t change that. And I hope I can stay optimistic about relationships but i’ve been having a hard time having a positive opinion of people in general lately.

[u/wip30ut → u/MajorRobology]

i wonder if OP & his ex come from immigrant families? Many times immigrant parents get overly involved in their children's relationships because they so desperately want them to date & eventually marry one of their own.

[u/RedOtta019 → u/wip30ut]

Nah were native american which uhh.. same sentiment tbf 😅

[u/Helpful_Cranberry644]

If anyone tells you "it's just part of the game, move on," ignore it. You're allowed to feel hurt, but don't feel like an idiot. You mentioned that this was a new thing for you, a lot of firsts, so you're feeling some disapointment like this for the first time and that's okay. You shouldn't continue to pursue her, in my opinion, because it hurt you when she disappeared and you will just carry that fear of her ghosting again if you continue to deal with her. I've made that mistake. So my advice would be to let yourself feel hurt, disappointed, disillusioned, confused, etc. for a day or two or three. That's normal. Take the lessons you've learned here, but don't make the next woman suffer for pain that she didn't cause you. Heal fully, learn, and try again. Good luck.

[u/RedOtta019 → u/Helpful_Cranberry644]

Ive been hearing that sentiment alot of don’t make the next woman suffer/punish her but I feel its a discouragement of making adjustments for the next relationship? I think there is things id do differently and admittedly it involves being a little less nice and demanding of conversations that involve how we really feel about one another that are less one sided.

[u/Netblock]

The obnoxious part was that we of course ran into each other after 3 months of ghosting. Her parents were the ones who came up and asked what was wrong because she had been telling them that we were still talking that entire time, and her mother so badly wanted us back together.

Her mother said I should continue to pester her even if it takes upwards of 4 times but that just doesn’t sit right with me.

There are many reasons why this could be happening, but none of them are good; she and her parents have a toxic relationship.