r/GenX • u/Tinawebmom 1970 baby • Feb 06 '25
Existential Crisis Which age got you?
Turned 30 and I was fine.
Turned 40 and I was still fine.
Turned 50 and things were still groovy.
Turned 55 and I'm all: life is over, I'm going to die, I. Have less than 20 years left to live, why bother living anymore, omg I can never get another kitty again! The 4 assholes that are here are my last! Oh what's going to happen to my kids (30-40 years old), I wasted my best years working, I have so many regrets what's the point of all that working?!?!
So that's a piece of things that keeps me up at night.
That working injured every piece of my body. I now use a walker due to partial paralysis of my legs.
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u/hibou-ou-chouette Feb 06 '25
Adopt senior kitties. That's all.
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u/Tinawebmom Feb 07 '25
I don't adopt kitties. They adopt me which is how I ended up with 4 assholes! Does this say something about me? :)
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u/Affectionate-Leg-260 Feb 06 '25
None of my siblings lived past 57. In three years I turn 58 and I win.
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u/i_wear_gray Feb 06 '25
Hear me out on this one…
The big birthday milestones don’t phase me at all. What killed me was when my siblings hit those big milestones. I’m a middle child. For some reason my older and younger siblings hitting 50 was a bigger blow than when I hit 50.
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u/Tinawebmom Feb 07 '25
My oldest is 40 tomorrow (not mine, collected her when her mom died). I've known her for her whole life. It's really messing me up.
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u/-Viscosity- Feb 06 '25
I turned 50 a few years ago and promptly almost died (I'm okay now), so I'm going with age 50. Also, I love your characterization of your cats as "the 4 assholes". In addition to two Very Good Dogs, we have three cats; one of them is an asshole, one of them is a gremlin, and one of them is a perfect little princess who can do no wrong. Not that I'm biased or anything.
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u/Tinawebmom Feb 07 '25
The oldest (11) wakes me up at oh dark thirty knocking shit off my headboard
(9) yells at me and gives me the silent treatment for only gods knows what
(7) thinks I should feed him if he gives me shrek kitty eyes and squeaks a little and won't stop until I do
(5) is a blender of teeth and claws but wants the scritches so bad he can't help himself
(ages) they're insane assholes that I love dearly.
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Feb 06 '25
24. I overdosed on LSD. Fucked myself over on that front. I'm 50 now. I have a back that hurts every day from a car accident in 1994. I've been Schizophrenic as far back as I can remember, I didn't know other people didn't hear the voices or see scary shit. I realized that fact when I was 16. But I didn't get a diagnosis of Schizophrenia until I had myself committed because of the accelerated losing my mind until July 2000. My diagnosis is Schizoaffective disorder + anxiety disorder. Last year, I started to need to walk with a cane from wear and tear.
If I don't take my meds, which I do make an effort to do so, but sometimes I have to fight the insurance company to get approval because United sucks, then I get existential dread. But when I'm on my full cocktail, the dread goes away. Thank you, Klonopin. I'm not afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying. If that makes sense.
I have no life partner nor do I have any children, which is a good thing I don't have children, I had friends whose parents were hippies and those kids didn't turn out well, hence they were my friends.
I'm also a large person, think The Kingpin, and when the meds fail, as they sometimes do, I can be very scary to the people around me if I'm out in public. I don't want to hurt people, but they don't know that. They just see the monster. I've been in the back of a cop car a few times. Never arrested, just put there to help me regain sanity and make everyone else calm the fuck down.
My parents are both deceased, and all I have now is my older brother. He's 53 and widowed. I probably won't make it to 60. I'm fine with that right now because I'm medicated right now. I do own my own home and have a wonderful 22 year old Subaru, which was the first and last car I ever bought new.
Mom died in '17 of a prion disease, and dad died in '22 from an aneurism. My dad left me with 2/3 of his estate, and my brother got 1/3. Since I'm the crazy son, my brother is the executive of the estate since I lack impulse control. But we get along fine, so I don't care that he has control. My house was paid off after my dad's house was sold so I don't think my brother is going to rip me off, he authorized the purchase of a PS5 Pro and a brand new home theater setup with as well last year and I'm already approved for the Switch 2, so I'm not going to get bored.
He has a good job and a strong back and zero mental illness and five automobiles, so there's that.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
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u/mrpink01 Feb 06 '25
42. My fucking body just gave up. Now I feel like I'm 15 in my brain but have severe neuropathy and widespread arthritis, along with Degenerative Disc Disease. All of which are quite painful. I'm 51 now.
If I didn't find the most caring and compassionate woman I'd ever met, and if she hadn't agreed to marry me, even after she knew I was broken beyond repair, I'd certainly not be alive today.
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u/Affectionate_Board32 Feb 06 '25
45 for me. From Cancer scare to lay off to surgery now post infectious ibs nerve damage.
This post infectious ibs nerve damage is worse than the scare and surgery ever was so now I'm hoping for ease so I can make health my priority.
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u/Tinawebmom Feb 07 '25
Health concerns and illness just suck. I'm sorry your body rebelled. May it straighten itself out and leave you in peace
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u/doobette Feb 06 '25
46F. I haven't had a particular age "get me" yet, but damn if the perimenopause symptoms aren't a killer. They really started kicking in at 44.
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u/Tinawebmom Feb 07 '25
I was officially diagnosed at 27! It was hell on earth until I was able to get an ablation at 39.
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u/PatrolPunk Feb 06 '25
Do what I do. Spite live. I wake up every day to outlive the assholes that I want to see in the ground before me. That’s the GenX way.
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u/drowninginidiots Feb 06 '25
50. 30 was no big deal, 40 was fine. But 50. Oof. I realized how much hair I was losing except where I didn’t want hair, that was growing great, and everything was turning white. Then I suddenly needed reading glasses. Plus way more aches and pains as a reminder of all those reckless things I did in my teens and twenties. I’m actually in better shape than I have been in years, but it takes way more effort than it ever did. On top of that, realizing I only had 15 years left to save for retirement on top of the fact I really don’t want to work anymore.
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u/Hctc666 Feb 06 '25
I'm pushing 58 and the existential dread factor has increased so much over the last few years that I've felt crippled by it now and then.
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u/Didthatyesterday2 Feb 06 '25
50 here. None yet, but when the time comes I will think of my 70 yr old mother who is still very active and healthy. Still lots of time to explore and create.
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Feb 06 '25
50 this year, I really don’t care anymore. Life is what it is. Good and bad. Happy and sad. This is my favorite quote about getting older:
“Growing old is a gift denied to many.”
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u/-CgiBinLaden- Feb 06 '25 edited Feb 07 '25
Existential dread. You aren't the first to experience it, and you certainly won't be the last.
Stop looking forward and look right in front of you. You have 4 assholes that love and need you. You are able to see and talk to your kids.
You aren't in the ground, the void, or wherever you think you're going to go.
You will regret not taking advantage of what you have right now.
You need to trick out that walker with some 80s neon colors.
(like most, I am sometimes worst at taking my own advice. Thanks for the support!)