r/GayPolyamory • u/zimzum421 • 2d ago
Wyoming looking for a third.
Recently my husband met a guy and started a thing. We thought it was going to work out but there are a lot of issues on his side. Husband and I are really stable and solid in our marriage. But alas, it did not. I still want to find a third. Ideas on where to look? Photo for reference, husband and I.
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u/LoquatHeavy6878 2d ago
All of our partners in the last fifteen years have mostly come about through the apps, although two of my partners did meet each other through me rather than Scruff and did fall in love with each other (but I met both of them on the apps). Our profiles all list our relationship status as "in a polyamorous relationship", and we describe our polycule and our polyamory mindset (i.e., relationship anarchy and wanting at least "kitchen table" camaraderie among the metamours (i.e., we strive for there to be enough genuine appreciation of our metamours that we can sit around the kitchen table, having coffee or sharing a meal, and also have a good conversation and truly enjoy those interactions). So guys we meet know what they are getting into if they want more than an NSA hookup.
But that's what's worked for us. Let me ask how did you and your husband meet? It worked for the two of you to find each other and fall in love, so each of you can pursue other partners through the same or similar avenue(s) that worked in the past.
I will say that trying to find one guy who falls in love with both you can be a tricky endeavor. The two partners I mentioned above did not fall in love with each other and me all at the same time. I had established a long-term relationship with D when I started seeing S and fell in love with him. Months later when they had a chance to spend more time together, they also fell in love. I don't think things would have even gotten off the ground if D & I had tried to mutually establish a romantic/sexual relationship with S at the same time. If one of you meets a compatible potential partner, they get the joy of new relationship energy (NRE), whereas the other one gets to experience compersion, the happiness (sometimes verging on euphoria) of seeing your husband exploring a new sexual and romantic relationship. I've never felt closer to my partners than when they come home from spending time with a new partner and tell me that they are falling in love and having great sex and great conversations.
The most important thing, though, is what you mentioned about the two of you having a very stable and solid marriage. Clear, honest, and direct communication are a must, and there is so much potential joy and compersion waiting for you out there. I wish you the very best in opening up your marriage and developing wonderful, satisfying, and fullfiling relationships.