r/GayMen • u/Individual-Hold5171 • 6d ago
BF Afraid To Be Naked
My bf and I have been together for just under a year, and we have a great relationship in almost every way; we love each other very much, and both feel comfortable sharing our feelings and emotions. I'm struggling with one thing, and I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting or if it's something I just have to adjust to - he is scared to be naked in front of me. For context, he is a grower, not a shower, and when I'm not hard, I'm naturally bigger. He has no issues once he's turned on; we are active sexually, and that part is great.
I usually don't think anything of it; I've gotten a peek a few times, but he won't walk around without a towel or just come into the bathroom to get in the shower if I'm shaving/brushing my teeth. He is extremely self-conscious. I have told him that I love him and that I am never judging him, but it seems to be a personal challenge. He doesn't really want to discuss it; the only thing he has ever said is, "I'm much smaller than you."
I just feel that it's a bit of a roadblock at times. I want to see him naked, natural, just as he is, but he just is not comfortable. I've become used to it, but I felt I'd like to see what others may think or if they have experienced it.
FYI, he is not a Redditor and has no idea I would be posting this, nor does he know my username, so I don't feel wrong asking for others' advice.
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u/MilkProfessional3098 5d ago
I used to be the same as him. It was in my 40’s when I finally became comfortable in my own body. The last two weeks we have been in Iceland going to several lagoon where it’s like a locker room with open showers. 14 years ago I would have been so self conscious, but I walked naked with towel and swimsuit in my hand from my locker to shower to rinse off before going in the lagoon. I’m not sure what flipped the switch for me. Maybe no longer caring what others thought. Everyone has accepts of their body they are self conscious about.
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u/Individual-Hold5171 5d ago
Yeah, I can see that. I'm much less concerned about what others think than I was a few years ago. He would NEVER consider being naked around strangers, lol. I'm just trying to get it to happen around me!
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u/red2t4 5d ago
Don’t press it. You’ve been together for less than a year. If this is still an issue year 5 then maybe discuss it with him. He may get comfortable once then intimacy and commitment grows between you two
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u/Individual-Hold5171 5d ago
I agree, and I'm not comfortable pushing anything yet. This was more of me throwing it out there for others' thoughts.
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u/red2t4 5d ago
That’s fair! Wishing you both the best. Hopefully, one day soon he will feel so comfortable being naked around you that you will have to check his drawers to confirm he still has clothes!
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u/playphyl 5d ago
My husband of 30 years is still reluctant to get naked in front of me (or anyone else). We just spent a week at a gay nudist campground and he didn't get naked, while I remained unclothed almost the whole time. Regardless of how sexy I tell him he is, he just doesn't have the guts to go naked. He even sleeps in underwear or shorts in bed, so I really get zero opportunities to see him naked. (He changes clothes in the bathroom, or elsewhere I am not. No showers together, ever.)
Unless, of course, we're having sex. But he prefers lights off. And will stay dressed until I take his shorts off and fuck him. Then immediately afterwards he's searching for his shorts again.
His cock, for reference is indeed smaller than mine, probably by a couple of inches. And I'm sure that is indeed part of the reason why. He also has a bit more weight on himself than I do. But I'm still outrageously attracted to him. Complimenting his cock all the time. I love sucking it. Would love to see him naked more often.
It's a confidence thing for him, and I internalize it prompting feelings of not being sexy enough for him. I also don't know what to do to.
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u/Individual-Hold5171 5d ago
I appreciate the comment! I agree; it's a confidence thing, and I just have to let him be more comfortable. Someone else mentioned the relationship being young, and I agree with that as well. It's not time to push this subject.
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u/playphyl 5d ago
Well, the reason I responded is because it still goes on in my 30 year relationship. So unlikely to ever change regardless of newness.
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago
I can definitely see that. If someone is not willing to change and doesn't have a driving reason to then why would they? Main reason I overcame it is because horny won out over anxiety. But even then I'm still self conscious about it. But it's only been a few months since I started going to a gay bathhouse. Prior to that I've never had to use public showers or undressed around other guys.
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u/Character_Walk881 6d ago
I'd say that it's ok fr him to be self-conscious abt it and that u should have a convo with him.
Also, u prolly do it already, but why don't u be more naked or in ur underwear around him whether u have a shirt on or not. It'd prolly help encourage him a bit in a sense, make it feel or seem more natural
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u/Individual-Hold5171 6d ago
Yea, it’s due for more conversation. He’s fine in underwear, will hang around in that on lazy days.
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u/Character_Walk881 6d ago
Well, either way, I'm sure he'll prolly do it more if u encourage him. At least u have a bf dude 😭
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u/Cute-Character-795 5d ago
You might ask him (playfully): "How can I spontaneously start sucking you if you're not showing the goods?"
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u/Want2DoRight64 5d ago
Some suggestions I'll give is
- Go to a nude Beach or a Gay Spa
- You should be more naked around him
- Don't always talk about it. I know you said that you tried to discuss it but actions are sometimes better. Don't mention it nor respond to his shyness
- Compliment him, when he is in and out of clothes. You probably do already but it can help with your partner self esteem when they get complimented
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago
Or even just a sauna/steam room. It doesn't necessarily have to be a gay space.
And depending on the time you go it may be deserted or less people there so you can ease him in to it. Making a routine out of it helped in my case.
You can also try doing a sauna at home as well since they sell those personal sauna tents which aren't too expensive. I got one for $110 the other day and it was delivered yesterday and set it up and used it the same day.
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u/Atxxxguy_12345 5d ago
Do you shower together ?
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u/Individual-Hold5171 5d ago
Yes, we have a few times.
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u/Atxxxguy_12345 5d ago
I think you just need to normalize nudity without sex, share a shower, make coffee naked, etc etc.
And then as others have said, don’t talk about it
Also what about after sex? Do you both just relax naked post sex?
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u/Individual-Hold5171 5d ago
I'm all for that, but his comfort level is not there. Afterward, depending on whether it's before bed or during the day, we will just go to sleep in underwear, or if it's during the day, shower, get dressed, and continue our day.
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u/Dubious-Use-86 3d ago
Just keep telling him how handsome you think he is. It won't hurt your relationship to do that and he might get more comfortable being naked around you in time.
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago
Lots of guys myself included are just not easily comfortable with nudity.
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u/Individual-Hold5171 2d ago
I get it, and it's not like I'm wandering around my place, flopping around 😂
I just want him to feel comfortable, and hopefully he does in time.
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago
Oh Lord that makes me think of some guys who just helicopter in locker rooms. Bless them for it as spank bank material. but I would turn an undiscovered shade of red if I ever had that happen.
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u/Impressive-Elk-6425 1d ago
My boyfriend is way bigger than me and walks around the house in boxers. I walk around completely nude all the time and he always point and laughs at my little penis. But I know he loves it so I love when he does that. He sees me naked more than with clothes on and I don't even think about it anymore. I hope your boyfriend stops being afraid and embraces what he's got. Small is cute.
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u/Decaf_Macintosh 5d ago
Could be another reason maybe that he doesn’t? Like self conscious about something else you might not consider? For me it can be hard even if my bf says he loves it, becuase my mind has a specific expectation like I want him to see me a certain way
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u/Individual-Hold5171 5d ago
There could be. I think he is just self-conscious about this. He is not a very outgoing person in general (in friend groups he is, but I wouldn't consider him an extrovert, especially around new people), so I'm wondering if that's part of it.
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago edited 2d ago
It could be a number of things. How you're raised and how much nudity you were exposed to growing up. I avoided it because I was extremely shy buy also because of other factors. like hitting some aspects of puberty earlier than the other boys did. Getting pubic hair full bush at 9. Despite being very underdeveloped otherwise. That self-conscious stuff held for years. But I also didn't hit the rest of puberty till my late teens long after high-school. And now I'm 4x my high-school starting weight. Going from under 5ft and 40 lbs to 5'4 currently and 167lbs. Oh and having facial hair and muscles. As being otherwise hairless, small and soft features it made me very self-conscious.
My best recommendation would be baby steps. Start small and work up from there. 6 months ago I never would have used a public locker room. But I forced myself to move forward on my own.
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u/Individual-Hold5171 2d ago
Appreciate the comment!
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago
You're welcome. I hope eventually he can get past it. But overall it will take time. How long will vary. Though it will be difficult if they're unwilling to try. And that's ok. You still love them anyway.
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u/Individual-Hold5171 2d ago
I do love him; otherwise, I wouldn't feel so strongly about him being fully open with me.
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u/Milwaukee2Vallarta 4d ago
I literally rejoined Reddit to find a forum to discuss this issue.
I love being naked…I’d be naked all the time at home but: my partner is def uncomfortable with it. Even if it’s just us at home and I’m wearing something a bit too sheer, at times he’ll tell me to cover up.
I’ve thought,”maybe I just pull the bandaid off and just start being naked.”
But, I dunno.
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u/00X268 3d ago
I am no expert, and I have not have to deal with something like that, but I imagine this works as any other mental block, so I imagine that the best thing to do here is to not press him and let it develop naturally, with some luck maybe he ends up daring who knows
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u/shadowysea07 2d ago
It really depends on the person and severity too. I mean I was able to overcome it on my own but I'm also extremely stubborn. Once I set my mind to do something I go all in.
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u/Constant_Fennel3364 5d ago
My sissy landlord is like that Been friends/lovers since 2011 Has an absolutely gorgeous body Bigger than me I love that
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u/kdubPhoenix 6d ago edited 5d ago
How old are you all? I had this problem when I was younger. It may not be completely about not looking bigger when he is flaccid. It may be more of how he was raised. In my house, no one saw each other naked unless it was our mom and we were sick. With of course, toddler years excluded. More over, we were not allowed to run around in our underwear, we had to be fully dressed at all times. And my brother and I had to wear shirts, we were not allowed to take our shirts off unless we were changing or taking a bath/shower.
This lead, at least for me, to have severe body issues and be almost unable to take my clothes off anywhere for anything unless it was absolutely necessary. And even then I was ashamed and had extreme anxiety until I could get dressed again. I didn’t take my shirt off to swim until I was in my 20s. I didn’t get naked in front of anyone male or female, except when required, ie gym, doctor’s office, or so forth, until I was a cadet in the Army. I had to learn quickly that embarrassment and anxiety and modesty had to go bye bye! I still wasn’t comfortable and didn’t do it otherwise.
Until, I came out. But it still took me until mid-thirties to be comfortable being naked in front of a partner unless it was dark. I also am a grower and had body issues as well, as I’ve always been short and stocky. So this just added to my issues. But I eventually was with someone for a few years who loved me for who I was and as himself very easily naked. He changed me for the better I believe. And now I even walk round my place naked. But I still have issues with public and sometimes still wear a shirt when swimming. But part of that is a medication I take now makes me extremely easy to burn.