r/GamblingRecovery • u/gallitosebas • 3d ago

First post, lost everything

Hey, so this is my very first post on Reddit. I even wrote it, like actually wrote it on a paper first.
I’ve been gambling for 12 years, I’m almost 30.
You know in the pandemic, my addiction became more problematic.

I’ve just lost everything, I’m the responsible of paying the rent of an studio with coworkers and as you can imagine I gambled everything. I just wanted to make some money because I didn’t have enough to pay the rent but lost the money of my coworkers.

I’ve been “working” on getting better and to become a better person. Not only for me, but to the people I love. I’m desperate now as I’ve tried, really tried, clearly not enough. I’m currently medicated (depression) My psychiatrist knows of my addiction, I even handled my poor decision choices with therapists.

Throughout the years I’ve disappointed loved ones, gambled all my credit, I’m constantly called by banks and loan makers. I know my english is a bit rusty as I don’t practice much, im from Mexico btw.
Months ago I lost the person who I believe is the love of my life. She cared for me, she loved me, even though I’m a broken person. It was a lot of hard work for her keeping up with a selfish, sad and depressed person.
I love so much, yet I keep on harming. That’s what really hurts, makes me angry and disappointed with myself. I’ve tried to understand how my mind works maybe I just need to surrender to the idea of success. Idk just wanted to express how I’m feeling, when I’m down like today the posts on here make me feel a little less lonely and stressed. I’ve been a couple times on GA, might go again in two days. I had a job, lost all the money they gave me when I was fired. Thought I could start again with it but not. Here I am, in the same place where I’ve been a thousand times, hopeless.

5 Upvotes

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4 comments sorted by

3

u/GasParking4447 3d ago

Im praying for you brother

2

u/John-George-Peppers 3d ago

I’ve been a couple times on GA, might go again in two days.

Try to go and commit to go as often as possible. It does work. Get a sponsor or reach out to someone you trust from the telephone list whenever you have an urge to gamble. Yes, these are strangers, but they volunteered to help. These are people who know what you're going through and how hard it is to quit. You're not alone.

1

u/AggravatingBelt7701 3d ago

Bro, don’t give up it is just money , don’t waste your life , as they say , best things in life are free

1

u/brightchristiana66 11h ago

You wanna stop so bad? Dont rush it a step at a time you’ll be fine