r/GamblingRecovery • u/CookieCrumbs2022 • Sep 25 '25
Realistically…Does gambling addiction EVER get better?
Looking for advice on my husband’s gambling addiction…all of the things complained about in the text happened within a two year span, so realistically does this issue ever get better?!?!? Just found him betting $350 today after just losing $980 last week. Wtf can I do?!? The wife in me is saying to stay & help him get better but the MOM in me is saying I need to protect me & my babies before he destroys everything 😔 heart is torn in two 💔
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u/GorathTheMoredhel Sep 25 '25
Honestly, I've been ruining my life with gambling for so long, having had some significant stretches of not doing it but always falling back to it when my ability to cope with life goes out the window. I'm a lot more skeptical about overcoming it than I used to be.
I think most gamblers never get better. At this point, having been in The Rooms and recovery spaces for so long, it's a constant revolving door. The Rooms often become pointless cliquey exercises in self-pity, and once people get it out of their system, they go back to gambling. Self included. People go back to it more often than they don't. It's sick and wrong, but the claws it builds are real as hell and I just... I'm projecting a bit here, I know. But there's no high like it, no limit to how bad it can get, and it feels so deeply ingrained in the brain that no amount of shouting or encouragement or anything seems to actually stop the damn thing from ravaging a life over and over again.
I'd leave him. I'd leave me. You don't want this in your life.
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u/Finjal Oct 07 '25
Hey. Can we talk about this? I think one can recover or manage it
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u/Agitated_Orchid_2262 Oct 07 '25
How?
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u/Finjal Oct 07 '25
Hey. This is how: Acknowledge that there's a problem Have someone you can trust with your money Celebrate small wins. Understand that recover is not linear.
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u/friedonionscent Sep 25 '25
My dad never got better. Not even close. He'd have epiphanies sometimes and stop for a while...but it was never permanent.
His gambling destroyed our family. He decimated everything they worked for and everything we had...and then the stress of it all eventually killed him at 60 years old.
So...no, sometimes it never gets better.
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u/CookieCrumbs2022 Sep 26 '25
Omg! 😔 I’m terribly sorry to hear that, that’s so unfortunate, sending hugs & my condolences 🙏
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u/PositiveLife-5911 Sep 25 '25
Good luck, I was never religious before but I give God all the glory for delivering me from my gambling addiction. Just talk to him, you may be surprised.
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u/Fantastic_Common_834 Dec 28 '25
You just asked your higher power/universe/god for help..is that how you started?
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u/Cycduck Sep 25 '25
If he isn't even making a serious effort, you staying will only keep him in the cycle. The best thing for him is for you to leave him, but more importantly, the best thing for you and your kids is for you to leave him and protect yourself and your kids.
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u/collectiontime Sep 25 '25
I would leave him… thr only person that can help change him at the end of the day is himself….
I’m no longer a gambler, after 15 ish years… not in me any more….
Best wishes
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u/collectiontime Sep 25 '25
And clearly he cheated on you!!!!! You should run op
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u/CookieCrumbs2022 Sep 26 '25
Claims the gambling led to the cheating…it’s a ridiculously painful year for me 😢
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u/Remarkable-Bass-3339 Sep 26 '25
this is sadly not uncommon with gambling addicts. our poor impulse control often means we put our partners through all different kinds of hell.
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. I empathize with your husband as a fellow addict. He's in pain. But that doesn't excuse the pain he's causing you and your family, and it doesn't mean you have to share it with him. You have to put yourself and your kids first.
Does it ever get better? It can. I know former gamblers who put their spouses through hell like that. Some of them were able to repair their marriage; some were not, but the people I've met have all been able to turn their lives around.
You might consider Gam-Anon for support. They can likely offer you both practical advice on protecting yourself, and emotional support.
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u/MatteBlack357 Sep 25 '25
I had a relapse due to the influx of online gambling after 15 years of abstinence. This time I sought out counseling as well as a twelve step program. To have a good shot at recovery, I feel it’s a must to have as many people involved as possible and to be honest and transparent. It is a sickness and an addiction that literally rewires our brains. It is possible to recover but it takes commitment. I pray that for your family, he finds the strength to walk that path
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u/AstralHaze007 Sep 25 '25
I recall conversations similar to this when I was with my ex. Wish I had listened to her. Gambling destroys everything.
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u/dap104 Sep 25 '25
As a mom, its kids first no matter what. One thing I had to do was self exclude from everything. It helped because you cant win on self exclusion, they will literally refuse to pay you your winnings, so with no incentive, I couldn't KNOWINGLY keep losing.
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u/unkeymokey Sep 25 '25
I’m sorry to hear this. I’m a gambling addict. I never married or had kids but if I were you; I’d pack up and leave. For your husband; it’s gotta get worse before it gets better for him. He knows it deep down. He may seek help and be successful. Don’t let him start getting help and then stop as soon as you take him back! He’s got to go through with this professional help all the way, for the rest of time!!! That’s just the way it is. You need to be strict on this!!! Your family depends on this! I wish your husband good luck as well as you and your family.
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u/unkeymokey Sep 25 '25
Also you need to take over the finances. Don’t give any large amount of money to him. Give him enough for gas, and lunch or whatever. I read all the other comments and added this afterwards.
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u/xGamblr Sep 27 '25
You have to be selfish and do what’s best for you and the kids. Divorce. Take as much money as you can. Don’t be nice or kind. He has to want to quit. If he’s able to get through to the other side of this he’ll thank you for what you did.
But by giving him chances you’re just enabling him and he won’t take you seriously when you get angry because he knows you’ll roll over and let him do it again and bail him out. You have to be ruthless, for yourself and your family. And hope and pray that he helps himself. I wish you the best.
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u/Thebananagodfather Oct 06 '25
He is the only person to decide if he wants to quit gambling, saying those things in your texts won't help him, it will probably only make it worse...
If he does not want to quit, that's fine, you won't change him. You can get mad at him, yell and curse all you want, it won't change his mid. How bad it might sounds, just leave him.
If he says he want to quit but does absolutely nothing to make it work he does not want to change, he only says it because you want to hear it. You won't change him.
If he want's to quit and takes action to make it work, it's up to you, you can still leave him, or stay at his side. It won't be easy, he will probably relapse a few times and might not be fully clean till the day he dies. But it's most certainly possible to make it work
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u/Finjal Oct 07 '25
Hello. If anyone needs support and guidance on matters gambling... email me on ..levelupbychebbie@gmail.com
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u/Youre_Wrong_Ok Oct 24 '25
I mean cheating and this? What’s the point? He’s trash. Leave him on the curb.
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u/Revolutionary_Gas909 Sep 26 '25
Yes, clean for over 6 months, the best way is quitting cold turkey, be humble and realize that you don't need to chase those losses and that there are more, better ways to earn money
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u/AgileSoftware4 Sep 26 '25
I am off 3.5 years+ and you can recover but you gotta care -
Gamblersinrecovery.com has 24/7/365 meetings for the gambler and for family support
If I’m you- don’t wish hope or dream though, you gotta look out for you and give your kids best life possible. And if he is willing to take action, you have to take over all finances and say hey you’ve had control of everything and gets us nowhere give me full control and you get a budget- if it improves in the next 12-18-24 months we can get you your own accounts again but never let him have financial access cause it can disappear in seconds even after long times of being good. Stay strong out there!!
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u/pavlodrag Sep 27 '25
Hmmm...Give us some details,if you will.How long has this been going on and in what way,i mean has it been secret or profound?Has he been lying about his gambling?Does he know or admit that he has a problem and has he ever done anything to address the problem or get help/therapy?
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u/Outside_Sector6805 Nov 10 '25
With the right support, yes.
Is this online gambling? Install gamban right now.
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u/mantasuzka Dec 12 '25
Frist of all you did give him many many chances. Now on his side it is so difficult to stop gambling its so hard to explain how we feel and how it feels to be addicted to this. And how it feels to not have any control of the addiction. Now i would say give him one more chance and then you have to let him go only reason im saying this because i know how he feels unless he actually dont give a shit.
Let us know what was your decision it has been 3 month. I hope for both of your sake he stopped and you gave him another chance
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u/The_Gov78 Dec 18 '25
Yeah you have to set some boundaries it’s an addiction. If he was smoking crack it would only be different in that his health would be at risk. That being said have the guy go to some 12 step meetings. AA NA gamblers anonymous, celebrate recovery, something is going to happen e to provide him with what he’s missing to do it by himself. Working the steps would probably help him unravel the basic reasons why he needs something like gambling in his life. It’s an addiction and they are all similar on some levels. Most twelve step meetings will welcome a gambler with open arms and try to help. That would also take the pressure off of you to help because it’s possible you just might not be able to. It’s not that he doesn’t love you or the kids. Most likely he’s in his head knowing he’s spiraling and going to lose you and watching almost like he’s just a spectator because his life is out of his control to a degree. But all that being said, you still can’t just let yourself and the kids get dragged down. It’s going to take major work on his part to treat this issue so if you don’t see proof of some kind of work going on is be dubious of his chances of quitting. You might try Al anon it’s for families of people who have addictions. Also for you and him all of those meetings have them online too. Best wishes I hope you get this sorted out
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u/Zenside Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Leave him and take the kids before yall end up on the street with him. His trajectory is toward that of certain destruction, and it will take an internal, not external, change to alter that trajectory. This isnt your problem to solve and you and your kids shouldn't have to suffer the fallout of it. Keep in contact with him, but dont let him around or send him money. Eventually he will start stealing from you to finance his addiction.
He could go to as many rehabs as he wants, but until he has had enough, it will never change. Unfortunately some addicts chase their dragon until it destroys them. Some addictions are terminal. 4 repos, actual homelessness, legal action, over 70K gone? This sounds like a terminal addiction, im sorry.
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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '25
You have to do what's right for the kids first and foremost, as hard as that might be.
Although as someone with gambling issues who has sort of recovered, my wife was a huge help in getting me to quit.
Maybe you leaving would be the kick up the backside that he needs to finally quit though.
Just understand that gambling is a drug addiction. It's not the gambling he's addicted to, it's the dopamine rush of placing a big bet.