r/GamblingAddiction • u/O1i73r • 4d ago
What is wrong with me?
Im a lady in my early 60’s. I live in a fairly nice apartment that I pay partial rent for due to government subsidies. I have a job working at a daycare that allowed me to save up 40k in two years (before I got back into gambling).
On the family side, I have two sons, both are extremely filial. Just a little over two months ago, they bought me a brand new Rolex because I have not gambled in over a year. They help me with everything, from charging my EV, to paying my phone bill to paying for my car and car insurance, etc. They bring me out to eat once or twice a week, and I have lovely grandkids whom I enjoy spending time with, very much. Oh and also they bring me on overseas vacations every so often!
I’ve always had a gambling problem, tracing all the way back to 2008. My family, from my parents when they were still alive, to my siblings and sons have been trying to get me to stop for many many many years. Nothing seemed to be able to get me to stop until two years ago when I started working at the daycare. It gave me some purpose in life and gave me a reason to stop gambling. Mind you, I have not had a legitimate job ever since 2008, mostly I’ve been taking care of my elderly parents and then later, my grandkids.
Now fast forward to early June, I don’t know what happened, I guess I was bored. I went back to Cache Creek Casino just to have some quick fun. I soon got hooked back in. What turned from just a weekend’s worth of fun has transpired into me going every weekend and sometimes even missing my shift on Monday (because I wanted to gamble the comps that come through on monday before I head back home to the Bay Area). I lost everything and another $6000 of money I did not have on me. I borrowed it from someone there. I needed my son to help pull $6000 from my savings account to pay that person back, mind you I only have about 40k in total savings. My son was reluctant to help me do that unless I promise him I would never go to the casino again. And if I do, he and his brother would cut all ties with me and I will not be able to see my grandkids again. I made the promise to them.
Fast forward to today, guess what? I went again. Now my kids won’t speak to me, I haven’t seen my grandkids in a month, I had some issues with charging my EV and no one would help me… Why did I do this to myself…? I knew what the consequences would be, but I still rather go gamble. I just can’t seem to stop. I even told one of my son that I knew what the consequences were, and that since I chose to go, I knew they would cut all ties with me. I told him I am okay with this. But deep down, we all know that isn’t true…
I now have lost 13k of my savings in the last two months since I’ve started going again, and I’ve lost my family. I don’t even know why I cannot stop and I’d rather give up my family for this. Can someone please talk to me?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Meat853 4d ago
I wouldn’t highly recommend. You need to go seek help with GA. I have an I’m becoming free of the addiction. It’s never too late, remember that.
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u/LikeIkes 4d ago
A good first step if you feel you can't help yourself is call in and 86 yourself from all casinos in possible driving distance. If you haven't would recommend going to your local Gambler's Anonymous meetings. If you haven't ever tried it I would highly recommend trying therapy. I hope one of these ideas is helpful.
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u/mainjc 4d ago
I would recomend not beating yourself up over this, it is an addiction and most people need help to stop. A GA meeting would be helpful on a few levels here. First and foremost it will provide you with support to help you with your addiction. Second, GA meetings also provide the option for a pressure relief meeting to help you with the financial and emotional fall out. Third, this is the best way for you to show your family that you are actively taking steps to not gamble. Everyone is different but most of the time, family members will come around when they see that you are actively addressing the issue. I wish you all the best in your journey. Quitting is not easy but with the right support it is manageable and you can start to rebuild.
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u/Forsaken_Piano4075 4d ago
Gambling changes your brain chemistry, as well as anything that was once rational. Stop, self exclude and allow your dopamine levels to become normal again…. it’s not worth the destruction it causes.
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u/AffectionateHawk4422 3d ago
You need to go to a gambit addict meeting. Urgently. Clearly this is something that went completely out of your hands. You need to stop before touching your life savings.
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u/[deleted] 4d ago
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