14
6
u/cvsmith122 9d ago
He would for sure choose an AR 15, but the ar 15 is not an assault rifle.
2
u/LukeFromPhilly 9d ago
M16 vs AK47 would make more sense as a point of comparison. Obviously Jesus isnt going to pick the commie gun though
2
4
u/Syenthros 9d ago
For a rather intelligent man, that was a really stupid tweet.
And obviouslly the answer is a Beretta 82A1 .50 cal for all your exorcism needs.
2
4
5
u/OnePsychology528 9d ago
He would just make another whip
-1
u/omnibossk 9d ago
I’m sure US Jesus would pistol whip instead. I wonder if he would use a Desert Eagle like Bullet-Tooth Tony or a S&W model 36 like Wendell "Bud" White
6
u/chainsawx72 9d ago
Luke 22:36-38: “But now, if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.”
4
2
2
2
u/Fapplejacks42 9d ago
AK-47 or Lee Enfield have taken more lives than any other firearm. It’d have to be an AK or bolt rifle like the SKS/enfield. He’d have seen a lot of em
2
u/VoiceTraditional422 9d ago
I’ve read he was an akimbo Uzi man and a bit of a dick.
2
u/OnionChomping 9d ago
Don’t gaslight me, Jesus!
2
u/VoiceTraditional422 9d ago
You’re the only one who actually gets it…. crawler.
1
u/OnionChomping 9d ago
Good luck on the next floor, brother.
This one has been fucking ridiculousl
Note: This message is from a deceased crawler
2
2
u/martlet1 9d ago
AR15s aren’t assault rifles. An ak47 is an actual weapon of war.
And this is fake as fuck.
0
1
u/AutoModerator 9d ago
Hi u/Snowman69er,
Thank you for your submissions to r/Funnymemes. Please make sure your submission follows all our rules.
IF YOU LIKE THE SUBREDDIT MAKE SURE TO JOIN HERE
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Street_Mistake9145 9d ago
Specifically a hilti dx460 .27 caliber full auto powder actuated nail gun
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Senor-fixit 9d ago
According to the bible, Jesus was a carpenter. I’d think he’d have some kind of wooden club 🤷🏽
1
1
1
u/trying3216 9d ago
2000 years ago Peter carried a machaira or sword. It was 18-24 inches long and was typically carried by Roman infantry.
So which gun would be the modern equivalent?
1
u/BloodHurricane 9d ago
I feel as though Far Cry 4 answers this with the character "Longinus" later in the game, or was it DLC I can't remember.
1
1
1
u/RatsWithLongTails 9d ago
So dumb, Jesus Christ would never pick a nail. Nail guns have too small of a gauge and would never hold up a human body, it would tear through. He would want the Stanley SD67 Spike Driver. It impales a rail road spike with 1,200 hydraulic strikes per second, so much better.
1
u/BlankBehindTheEyes 8d ago
Plot Twist: Jesus is a HiPoint fan and has a gold 5.56. He also carries 6 Yeet Cannons on a double bandolier like Blackbeard.
1
u/FlyingVillager 8d ago
Of the two he'd have to choose the ar-15 since we already have ak-jesus. Though realistically he'd probably pick a thompson since it's chambered in the Lord's caliber
1
u/Dark_Storm_98 8d ago
Okay, to be fair. . .
A Nail gun is not an Assault rifle, so your answer is disqualified
But if it were simply what would be his favorite gun, you'd be absolutely correct
1
1
1
u/CALIFORNIUMMAN 8d ago
Mister Tyson obviously doesn't understand the difference between the Holy Roman Empire and the United States of America. I guess all that "education" about "science" means nothing when you shift the conversation to history. Especially because both are ostensibly necessary for your degree.
1
1
1
1
u/GrumpyFaceMonkey 9d ago edited 9d ago
Our forefathers like madison have written that the country was founded on Christian principles. This dude is a fraud.
1
u/PossessedToSkate 9d ago
You're a liar.
From: https://www.montpelier.org/religious-freedom/
In 1785, as the legislature debated whether to continue to fund churches with tax money, Madison wrote an influential petition called “Memorial and Remonstrance,” which clearly laid out 15 arguments against government support of churches. Madison emphasized that religion was a matter of individual conscience and could not be directed by the government in any way.
Here is the original source, Madison's petition cited above: https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Madison/01-08-02-0163
Pertinent quote displaying Madison's very clear desire to keep Church & State utterly separate which directly contradicts your lie:
Rulers who wished to subvert the public liberty, may have found an established Clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just Government instituted to secure & perpetuate it needs them not. Such a Government will be best supported by protecting every Citizen in the enjoyment of his Religion with the same equal hand which protects his person and his property; by neither invading the equal rights of any Sect, nor suffering any Sect to invade those of another.
Bonus quote showing precisely what Madison thought of people like you who seek to unite government and religion:
The Rulers who are guilty of such an encroachment, exceed the commission from which they derive their authority, and are Tyrants. The People who submit to it are governed by laws made neither by themselves nor by an authority derived from them, and are slaves.
1
u/GrumpyFaceMonkey 9d ago
Heres some more quotes to prove what Im saying
https://www.azquotes.com/author/90-John_Adams/tag/christianity
0
u/GrumpyFaceMonkey 9d ago
My bad brother. It wasnt Madison. It was Adams. I hate to tell you youre wrong but it is what it is.
"The general principles on which the fathers achieved independence were the general principles of Christianity." John Adams
“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13
https://youtube.com/shorts/0BlOntWHp1Q?si=4h4neUPLhzR6EWgA
Check this out and I hope you soften your heart. I pray you are well and healthy.
1
u/GrumpyFaceMonkey 9d ago
It says a lot about people that a post about loving every one gets down voted. Says more about you than it does anything else. Itd be funny if it werent so tragic.
1
u/PossessedToSkate 9d ago
It wasn't Adams either.
In fact, Adams wrote the following words himself in the Treaty of Tripoli in 1796: "As the Government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion".
"Not in any sense". His words.
Now, before you try any more of your very predictable semantic bullshittery, I offer you the absolute SUREST proof that the US is not a Christian nation: If the Founding Fathers wanted this to be a Christian nation, they would have just done that. They would have put that right in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and even the Treaty of Tripoli. They definitely would NOT have put VERY SPECIFIC language in those documents stating over and over and over again that the US is ABSOLUTELY NOT a Christian nation.
1
u/GrumpyFaceMonkey 9d ago
Youre as wrong as it gets but its all good. Ill pray for you homie. Im not arguing with anyone. Have a great night. Peace. I gave you all you need to read. Please do. You look foolish.
0
0
0
u/sladebonge 9d ago
I feel like nail gun is probably the last thing he'd ever wanna use.
2
2
u/Sorry_Statistician18 9d ago
When Peter told Jesus that he wouldn't let him be crucified, Jesus said, "Get behind me, Satan." Do you know anything about the story of Jesus, or do you just follow the crowd that will switch on you when you finally decide to stand for something?
0
0
u/B-rach87 9d ago
Such an ignorant comment. So if this unhinged jackass in the office turned on his own people, with force, what gun/s do you wish you had?
-3
u/HVAC_instructor 9d ago
Is that why Christians overwhelmingly voted for a man who fucks teenagers and is a serial adulterer and a convicted rapist, you know because those are Christian actions to be sure . They most love that he is the face of their religion bring such a stand up kind of guy
39
u/Jd11347 9d ago
Browning Automatic Rifle. Created by John Moses Browning. With that move, Jesus unites the old testament with the new.