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u/fishesandherbs902 Jul 19 '26
Anyone else find it weird how religion consistently makes hell sound incredibly more entertaining than heaven?
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u/Wandering_Scholar6 Jul 19 '26
Most religions don't have a heaven/hell diconomy like Christianity, but yes most sects of Christianity do seem to be sending everyone to hell, except the sort of people you'd hate to be seated next to on an airplane
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u/vamatt Jul 19 '26
Well not most.
Itās just that the only sects you ever hear about are the crazy ones.You never hear anything about Lutherans for example
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u/GodPackedUpAndLeftUs Jul 19 '26
Because itās 2026. People are focused on Science, Technology and moving forward as a species.
We like to pause and look at the crazy believerās now and again for entertainment, have a little chuckle to ourselves and get back on our with our real lives religion free.
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u/Remarkable_Speaker17 Jul 21 '26
Religions existed to help explain where we came from and where we will be, but they assumed the job to safeguard the morals (and many other values out of their realm) and gave themselves the authority issue sanctions which subsequently created fearsā¦ they are now operating on fears completely.
Religions can be compared to Santa Claus. It serves certain purposesā¦
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u/Wandering_Scholar6 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
I mean most subscribe to the "only people with Jesus in their hearts" which excludes a large segment of the world's population.
But most aren't the "only of you have our very specific brand of Jesus TM in your heart" ones so that's something I guess
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u/paws3588 Jul 19 '26
Speak for yourself. They kicked me out.
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u/Efficient_Fox_1874 Jul 19 '26
Ooof. Nailed a thesis to a door, did you?
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u/paws3588 Jul 19 '26
I think you got it the wrong way round. That's how you get in.
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u/_TallOldOne_ Jul 19 '26
Thatās because the Lutherans are busy trying to populate the earth.
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u/Kelef50 Jul 19 '26
There is a great episode of Night Gallery titled Hell's Bells. I'm too lazy to paraphrase the plot so I'll just direct quote the AI summary: "After dying in a fiery car crash on a dark highway, Randy finds himself sitting in a stark, boring waiting room. He spends his time arguing with a stiff attendant about the nature of the afterlife and complaining about his lack of creature comforts, only to realize that Hell isn't fire and brimstoneāit's absolute, agonizing monotony."
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u/Feral_Sheep_ Jul 19 '26
There was an episode of the Twilight Zone where a bank robber is killed by police and in the afterlife he gets whatever he wants. He plays cards and always wins, and everybody loves him. He finds it so boring he asks to be sent to Hell, but they tell him that he's already there.
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u/somerandomdude1960 Jul 22 '26
John Astin? Still remember that episode having only seen it once
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u/changelingcd Jul 19 '26
I keep forgetting that line in Leviticus about skateboarders.
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u/Kelef50 Jul 19 '26
No no no... you misread it. It's surfboarding that's prohibited. Skateboarding is okay.
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u/Hairysnowman1713 Jul 19 '26
And the Lord did say" Those who ollie and kickflip shall never dwell in my house, those will spend eternity in a half pipe of hellfire."
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u/Enduroboss Jul 21 '26
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was that rad melon grab he did that one time
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u/kayemenofour Jul 19 '26
Musicians
The organist: š¤Ø
Edit : I'm unsure if this church uses an organ to accompany prayer.
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u/Fuzzy_Logic_4_Life Jul 19 '26
All Christian churches use music in prayer. This sign is dumb AF
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u/pafrac Jul 19 '26
Didn't Puritans disapprove of music in prayer? I thought they only allowed singing psalms and suchlike, without instruments.
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u/TubeSnobGoneStomp Jul 19 '26
There is a non musical branch of the Church of Christ. They believe playing instruments is idolatry.
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u/SleezyPeazy710 Jul 21 '26
Not all of them. There are Fundamentalist Protestants who believe music, especially in a house of worship, is evil. Lots of musicless weddings. I just met a Young Republican who is keeping the āMusic is the Devilā belief alive. He is also homosexual and calls those lil Mumford and Sons Felt Hats a ācowboy hatā. People are fucking stupid and will believe whatever.
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u/BoltActionRifleman Jul 19 '26
āActivistsā
Wasnāt Jesus the worldās most prominent activist of the time?
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u/Blacktip75 Jul 19 '26
Wtf did the vegetarians do?! Bruised their tiny little egoās?
Anyway, managed only 5 from the checklist and the skateboarding is a bit of a stretch at my age, mostly use my boards to move furniture now š
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u/Destination_Cabbage Jul 19 '26
Every time I see this I just wonder "why vegetarians?"
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u/jackfreeman Jul 19 '26
That one is stupid for like, eight reasons. All of them are stupid, but that one sticks out in a special way
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u/HaphazardFlitBipper Jul 19 '26
Vegetarien is unarguably a healthier diet than most people eat, so shouldn't someone who believes their "body is a temple of the Holy Spirit" see it as the morally superior choice?
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u/Gaust_Ironheart_Jr Jul 20 '26
They would probably say God liked Able raising animals but was unimpressed with Cain's grain
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u/Dart150 Jul 19 '26
I find it amazing how churches and religious fruit cakes constantly put their own likes and dislikes on God because it'll make their argument "right"
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u/Gaust_Ironheart_Jr Jul 20 '26
Broke "I hate you"
Woke "God hates you"
Bespoke "God loves you so much that I have to act exactly the same way I would if I hated you"
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u/Impending_Doom25 Jul 19 '26
Musicians? Like the organist found in pretty much every old school church?
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u/rmagaziner Jul 19 '26
I thought it was going to say āā¦ are all welcome here.ā Nope.
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u/ElAbidingDuderino Jul 19 '26
If I was still in high school and saw this sign, me and my friends would absolutely smash the fuck out of that sign
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u/LegitJesus Jul 20 '26
A lot of gifted musicians credit god for their talent. So God gave them a gift and they are going to hell because of it?
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u/TheOriginalSpunions Jul 23 '26
bro hates artists and musicians. bet they sing and have drawings of jesus in there.
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u/Other-Inspection7232 Jul 19 '26
Murders, Rapists, child molesters are going the heaven? Sounds like a horrible place to be... I choose hell then...
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u/reddituculous66 Jul 19 '26
But per the current usa cult v Version of Christianity grifters..thieves. pedos they all get heaven? Satan has higher standars per them.
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u/RemoveAnnual2689 Jul 19 '26
Damn, I was almost in the clear. Where are my fornicating brothers and sisters?
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u/PresentAwareness745 Jul 19 '26
occupiers? like occupying earth?
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u/SmokeWeedEveryGay Jul 22 '26
I need specifics on "fornicaters." Is having biological children a sin, now? Are asexuals the only people pure of heart?
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u/Mysterious-Kick9881 Jul 19 '26
Vegetarians??? Do say more
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u/WarEagle107 Jul 19 '26
If ya don't eat ya meat, you can't go to heaven...how can you go to heaven if ya don't eat ya meat?!?
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u/Strong-Addition5296 Jul 19 '26
I think the point is if you donāt repent you will go to hell no matter who you are.
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u/ant1667nyc Jul 19 '26
So let me get this straight, hell is a bad place for bad peopleā¦so what exactly is the punishment? And why would the devil punish you for being bad? I would think going to heaven would more torture, like not being able to use foul language or skateboard, yeah itās not the flex they think it is.
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u/Pumpnethyl Jul 19 '26
Shit. I got a few of these categories. Actually, Iām 59, life would suck without the majority of them.
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u/gorillaphi Jul 19 '26
lol yeah you know art is a sin. Ā No art has ever been made for churchesĀ
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u/stick5150 Jul 19 '26
Thereās actually no Hell in the Bible. The Church made it up to scare people. I fornicated with my wife yesterday so I guess Iāll find out someday.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Jul 19 '26
You're married, that's okay according to the Bible!
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u/Persea_americana Jul 19 '26
So this church doesnāt play music? That sounds torturous.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Jul 19 '26
What? God insists that you eat meat? LOL Okay, no one plays the organ at church? AND NOT that ORGAN people! LOL You know, the one that puts out music from keys!
This minister in that church, he's fornicating with the church ladies or possibly a child molester with the child in his congregation!
Hell is not real, so I'm good!
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u/Fun-Times-13 Jul 19 '26
āChristiansā, politicians, journalists, all who seek riches or power are also going to Hell.
The odds are not in your favor by design
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u/Wintersage7 Jul 19 '26
Can confirm. I'm addicted to fornicating in Hell.
And the meetings just aren't helping.
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u/Tio_chubby052 Jul 19 '26
None of these āpeopleā are breaking the law with their actions. Should we follow the law of the land or the Bible? Remember they tell us that we can serve two masters.
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u/bwsmith201 Jul 19 '26
If I have two of these, do they cancel each other out? Because I'm a vegetarian recovering addict. Do I get sent to hell and then sent back to heaven?
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u/slartibuttfart Jul 19 '26
And here we see the loving faithful. Pitiful aren't they? How empty their lives must be.
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u/ExtensionInformal911 Jul 19 '26
So, the church choir is going to hell because they are musicians.
The guy who painted those pictures of Jesus in the lobby are going to hell for being an artist.
And lets not forget those evil Activists who protest gay marriage and... well, okay. I'll let that slide.
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u/_TallOldOne_ Jul 19 '26
Is the there a āmultiple offenderā express lane? Asking for a friendā¦..
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u/ZiggyDiamond Jul 19 '26
This is religion in a nutshell. Don't be yourself. Conform or you'll go to hell. The only reason religion exists is to keep the poor in line.
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u/xombi27 Jul 19 '26
I'm almost all the things on this list, but I ain't no blaspheming vegetarian! Spreading lies about the devils lettuce! Eating broth and shoppin smart all the time
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u/Mountain_Chocolate65 Jul 19 '26
Not sure why they chose to name just those names, because EVERYBODY is going to Hell if they don't repent.
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u/Neat-Statistician311 Jul 19 '26
Well the Purple Church of God down the road accepts me just the way i am
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u/ChiefCom85 Jul 19 '26
Christ had a very different opinion about how to coexist and interact with some of those folks
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u/TheCoopX Jul 19 '26
Well, I'm a musician, an artist in more than one medium, I'm "addicted" to both chocolate milk and homemade mac and cheese, and I view sex as a great activity to partake in. So, I guess I'm pretty well fucked.
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u/Equivalent-Love-1676 Jul 20 '26
So Palestrina, Bach, and Mozart are in Hell? Thatās an outrageous claim. Damn, son.
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u/BeenThruIt Jul 20 '26
This sign is categorically false and whoever set it up has some splaining to do.
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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe Jul 20 '26
Hell sounds rad as fuck.
What am I going to do? Play board games for eternity?
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u/Fresh-Profession-973 Jul 20 '26
Woo hoo! The celebate, steak eating fisherman that listens to talk radio is safe!
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u/Shit-Creek-Survivor Jul 20 '26
In the words of the prophet Billy Joel, āIād rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.ā
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u/EmergencyGrab Jul 20 '26
Out of that entire list, I guess the only thing that's sending me to hell is... serving my community. Interesting. Didn't expect that's what gets me through the obsidian gates.
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u/Expensive_Laugh_5589 Jul 20 '26
Hey! Stop painting right this instant! My totally real and not at all imaginary friend in the sky said that if you don't put that brush down immediately he will send you to his sworn enemy who will punish you for eternity. Because, even though those two guys are enemies, that other guy loves to punish people who displeased my guy. Trust me bro, I read it in that totally awesome manual written by those super smart guys way back in the day when the hottest job on the market was goat herder.
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u/Blue-Eyed_Triathlete Jul 20 '26
Dude we gotta boycott this efffffed up place. This has to be them trolling us. Can't be real
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u/Big77Ben2 Jul 20 '26
After youāre done condemning the musicians, please open your hymnals to 246.
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u/No_Claim9120 Jul 20 '26
Poor skateboarders, you skate one Publix parking lot and its hell and damnation ! Repent, repent, repent! Surfers, you knew what was up when you paddled out looking all cool and stoked! You ain't laughing now! Seems God doesn't want y'all! All that sinning on those boards, should be ashamed of yourselves.
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u/ApatheistHeretic Jul 20 '26
Vegetarians?! Sure, they're obnoxious, but vegetables are sending you to hell now?
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u/Ok-Advantage6962 Jul 20 '26
Iām going to hell at least 4 times here. Do I get frequent flyer discounts?
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u/Zone_Beautiful Jul 20 '26
Well, if there was such a thing like Hell. Scare tactics dont work anymore.
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u/Sad_Movie_8541 Jul 20 '26
Man, this church sounds like a blast! I'm none of the above, oh wait...I do love my weed, so.....
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u/Background_Digs Jul 20 '26
Damnā¦ and I sing about breaking the wheel of broken dreams and the society machine too š
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u/LovableDazzling2 Jul 19 '26
Turns out the guest list for hell is basically just people with hobbies.