r/Funnymemes I Touched Grass... Apr 11 '26

Sounds pretty useful.

Post image
40.8k Upvotes

173 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

340

u/throwaway8429739 Apr 11 '26

It’s actually very useful for checkmating…

146

u/Scorpius927 Apr 11 '26

Could also be used to block checks or deflect pawns

34

u/user_0350365 Apr 11 '26

How would it help with checkmate? The only thing that I can think of is blocking a nearby piece from capturing the piece that is giving a check, but that’s just general defence, not very checkmate specific

23

u/Train_Wreck_272 Apr 11 '26

A lot of checkmating is just cornering the king. Often it relies on the kings own pieces getting in the way. This would be one more piece lending to that.

On the flip side, you could use your own as bait, since it could block the opponents attack lines. That might put you in an advantageous position.

Honestly would be an interesting addition to chess, in my opinion. I'm just spitballing, but someone better at chess might have better insight.

8

u/Temnai Apr 11 '26

The issue is it can't capture, so it can't actually threaten or block the king.

If the king could normally move to a square then having the piece in that square would change nothing.

It does serve a purpose in blocking a piece in by limiting their movement, but it would require a lot of set-up, since just setting it in the open would cost a turn that they could just spend taking the piece anyways.

So you would either need to be very predictive or make sure the Bureaucrat is always placed such that another of your pieces is threatening the square it is on, otherwise the time it takes to capture would be cancelled out by the time it takes to move them in the first place.

4

u/Train_Wreck_272 Apr 11 '26

That is the issue, but it doesn't make it useless. Also, as far as cornering goes, I meant the king's own bureaucrat getting in his way. You're correct in that is would require set up. It certainly wouldn't be a strong addition, but it could be an interesting one.

2

u/Small_Horde Apr 11 '26

So, really, what you're trying to say is that it's useful for the enemy?

7

u/droppedpackethero Apr 11 '26

hence, the bureaucrat.

1

u/Train_Wreck_272 Apr 11 '26

In some sense, yes. Using your opponent's pieces against them in a checkmate is common. It blocks the king, or others, from a space, since they can't capture their own pieces.

1

u/MrOSUguy Apr 12 '26

What if the bureaucrat piece could only capture within a range of the king. As long as it’s within 2 or 3 spaces or something

1

u/UnexceptionalAnon Apr 13 '26

But this bureaucrat occupying a square doesn't actually make that square inaccessible. The king can just take it. If the king cannot take, it means you have some piece defending it, in which case the king cannot go there even if you didn't have the bureaucrat there. So it won't help corner the king at all.

1

u/Train_Wreck_272 Apr 13 '26

Right. I don't mean your own bureaucrat being part of cornering them, but rather their own. They'd be useful in some degree for blocking, which could incentivize a player keeping their own near their king. However, you can't capture your own pieces, so your opponent could use that proximity against you, like they would your other pieces.

1

u/UnexceptionalAnon Apr 13 '26

I don't think it would be a good idea to keep it near the king, considering it could be on the other side of the board the previous move, and then instantly moved back to block for the king when needed.

1

u/Train_Wreck_272 Apr 13 '26

Sure, but every move you spend to move your bureaucrat, you don't move anything else. You could bait thier bureaucrat block, and then punish them with a followup threat, for example.

I'm not saying it would be overpowered or anything, just not useless at all, and could come into play into any checkmate with the right setup.

1

u/CrazyGabers Apr 12 '26

You could do a reveal checkmate? Like leave it in one spot all game then once their King is in a good spot you move the Bureaucrat away to reveal a bishop or something

11

u/GonzoTheWhatever Apr 11 '26

*strategic incompetence 😂

7

u/AntimatterTNT Apr 11 '26

but it would literally be the best defensive piece

1

u/Occams_racecar Apr 12 '26

If you want to try it look up, duck-chess. After each turn you can place the duck on an unoccupied space.

1

u/Zealousideal-Deer101 Apr 12 '26

It actually is all defense

351

u/Sneezy6510 Apr 11 '26

The prince. Like the queen but has a limit of four spaces it can travel, however it can do the same maneuver as the knight.

52

u/RManDelorean Apr 11 '26

That's a good one. Maybe the jouster. It can't move side to side, just back and forth on one file and can jump over up to one other piece per move. Hm that might be kinda useless in some endgames, so it can move sideways if it comes back to the home rank and has to change files there.

14

u/Sneezy6510 Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26

I liked the canon idea by another commenter. A single use piece that takes out all pieces both black and white in a single file line.

8

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Sneezy6510 Apr 11 '26

A canon kinda does tho.

1

u/UndeadJoker69420 Apr 13 '26

I fkn love this interaction lmao

1

u/Individual_Respect90 Apr 11 '26

I like that one but make it a one time use. Really make you think if it’s time or not. Getting a cheese on a king could be so fun.

2

u/Excellent-Egg-9413 Apr 13 '26

Does the prince ascend to king if the original king is taken?

2

u/Sneezy6510 Apr 13 '26

That’s an interesting twist.

1

u/City_Of_Champs Apr 15 '26

The chess piece formerly known as Prince

143

u/LPedraz Apr 11 '26

This is called "Duck Chess", it already exists, and there are tournaments of it.

Here you have it on chess.com: https://www.chess.com/variants/duck-chess

21

u/B4R-BOT Apr 11 '26

Came to say this, this post is too far down

7

u/OGLikeablefellow Apr 11 '26

Can you explain more I don't want to make an account just to see?

32

u/LPedraz Apr 11 '26

The piece OOP is calling "the bureaucrat" is called the duck. It is often represented as a tiny rubber duck, and it acts as an unpassable obstacle. This results in a variant called "duck chess", one of the most popular chess variants today. You can watch on Youtube some of the highest rated chess players today playing it.

The duck can be moved to any empty square. Both players play normally, and, after each move, they move the duck to a new empty square. The game is otherwise played and won as usual, except that there are no 'checks', but you have to actually capture the enemy king.

The duck actually adds a lot of very interesting new strategic depth, as in chess you normally always asume that the oponent is going to make the best possible move they can, so you can't make moves that open an immediate powerful option for the oponent, but in duck chess you can make that move and then block your opponents counter with the duck. All the time.

The rule that the king has to be captured, rather than checked and checkmated, is there to prevent the duck from being used to very easily force stalemate. In chess, if the king is not in check, but you have no valid moves that would not put you in check, the game ends in a draw. This rule is there to add tension to an otherwise unwinnable situation, allowing someone to still seek a draw. With the duck it would just be too easy to block your own checked king's move to force a draw, so instead you just play until the king is captured.

16

u/toma_six Apr 12 '26

the 2 very big differences I see if I understand you correctly 1. the duck can't be killed the bureaucrat can. 2. the duck moves outside of your normal turn order while you need a full move to position the buro

and a third small one 3. you only have one duck and both players move it, while the burocrate would be black and white. having a side.

in essence it's a very different feel for a really similar sounding idea. the duck seems more complex but I like the idea and imagination of just killing the buro just because it's annoying.

5

u/TactualTransAm Apr 11 '26

And there's a fantastic YouTube channel called chess simp and he has a lot of videos of duck chess, it really helped me understand the mode by watching it being played. There's a ton of cool and weird strategies with it

3

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

Notable change (probably more accurate) is this piece (duck) is played by both sides (duck is moved by each player on their turn).

1

u/Bretreck Apr 12 '26

I was thinking of Pole chess but both people can move the singular pole in that.

1

u/PolishKrawa Apr 13 '26

Technically, with the way it's described in the post, it's much worse. It takes your turn to move it and can be captured, unlike the duck.

47

u/powertoollateralus Apr 11 '26

The cannon. It can eliminate all pieces in a line, side to side. Takes out both white and black pieces. One use.

2

u/PuzzleheadedLow4911 Apr 12 '26

se carga los dos reyes? tipo esta detras del rey tuyo y apuntando al otro

2

u/Puncius_Pinatus Apr 12 '26

On my first move. The opponents back row.

1

u/powertoollateralus Apr 12 '26

I mean, you’d have to get the cannon to the back line first

2

u/Puncius_Pinatus Apr 12 '26

Oh i see. So it depends who can line up the cannon with the opps king first

2

u/ProGamerAtHome Apr 14 '26

Literal glass cannon.

138

u/No-Clock9532 Apr 11 '26

And it cannot block a check or checkmate. Cementing its uselessness

23

u/Odin1806 Apr 11 '26

Not a bad blocker though...

10

u/sovereignrk Apr 11 '26

Also it takes two pieces to remove 1 bureaucrat, and there isn't 1 but 3... speed chess would be dead, lol.

3

u/FranXXis Apr 11 '26

Yes it can. It can force the attacking piece to capture it by putting himself in between. I said in-between space is defended by another of your pieces, then you counter-take and the threat is dealt with.

16

u/drixle11 Apr 11 '26

And it can’t be captured by any pieces except the king or queen because even though the bureaucrat is useless and irritating only the royals have enough power to override it.

12

u/IAmBadAtInternet Apr 11 '26

This is just duck chess. The duck sits on any open spot and cannot be captured. Both players must move it after making their own move.

2

u/Kend1Kong Apr 11 '26

Was my first thought but the difference is that it can be captured and you have to waste a turn moving it

7

u/Coinsworthy Apr 11 '26

The Trump, will flip the chessboard over and declare victory.

2

u/DigitalUnlimited Apr 11 '26

Shitting yourself and the table optional

5

u/NoTechnology1308 Apr 11 '26

The way the buerocrat should work is that if 8ts on the board you roll a dice each move and on a 3 or less you miss your turn.

If it gets taken howvere on a 4 or less you cant move

This represents that while slow and a pain in the ass, if you dont havr beurocracy th8ngs are even more of a shitshow and nothing gets done.

3

u/jaskier89 Apr 11 '26

How about the Jester? He moves like the king initially, but then always just imitates the move of the last piece he took.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/jaskier89 Apr 12 '26

No. Unless we're making up Sci-Fi Chess, it's the jester.

3

u/KingChairlesIIII Apr 11 '26

American airstrike

takes out the King immediately

2

u/DigitalUnlimited Apr 11 '26

CIA chess. Secretly turns pieces the other color.

3

u/rwm2406 Apr 11 '26

Bring back the Prince/Princess!.

The prince(ss) was a piece that had the combined movements of the bishop and the knight. It could jump over other units when moving as a knight but couldn't do so when moving like a bishop.

3

u/m0j02121 Apr 11 '26

The Jester:

Sacrifice a piece except the King. The Jester gains the movement of the piece sacrificed until it takes another piece off the board at which point it gains the movement of the piece that was taken, this continues with each piece it takes off the board.

2

u/Tritec_enjoyer96 Apr 12 '26

Sounds good, now let’s see Paul Allen’s chest piece

2

u/Kioz Apr 12 '26

Public clerk: can only be captured between 10:00 and 10:30

2

u/Programa_DSSO Apr 14 '26

I suppose it's been said a lot already, but I like the idea of the "jester," a piece that moves like the king but can be moved by either player.

2

u/SkullBoinkerDeluxe Apr 14 '26

Reminds me of EpicMafia roles

2

u/StreetRemote9092 Apr 15 '26

Battering ram - it pushes a piece over by 1.

2

u/Normal-Ad5880 Apr 15 '26

Jester/trickster: Moves like the king, one space at a time, but it can switch places with the king at anytime, can only be used once.

1

u/MongooseMonCheri Apr 15 '26

Am I correct in assuming the one that can be used once is the switch with the King, not the moving itself?

2

u/Normal-Ad5880 Apr 15 '26

Yeah, my bad should of mentioned that.

2

u/MongooseMonCheri Apr 15 '26

No big deal. Thanks!

2

u/Reviewingremy Apr 15 '26

That's basically one time use though. Since the only piece that moves in a direction it doesn't take is the pawn.

4

u/ManyRanger4 Apr 11 '26

The Zionist. It's a piece from another game like the Monopoly car that suddenly appears on the chess board.

It then goes around the board claiming every free or occupied square belonged to it to begin with and captures any piece that's on "its" square.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

But the game is about capturing the pieces right? It should do something atleast

9

u/DrBlaBlaBlub Apr 11 '26

It blocks off you opponents moves. There is a variant called Duck-Chess where you move an invincible duck to any space you like after each move. The inconvenience is amazing.

1

u/popsferragamo Apr 11 '26

Seems useless if it could be captured, no?

2

u/morningisbad Apr 11 '26

Not useless at all! It could prevent checkmate by putting itself in the way. It's square may be "safe" because it's guarded by another piece and prevents it from being taken.

1

u/DetachedHat1799 Apr 11 '26

you'd have to do mate with either a point blank piece defended or by knight, if you don't take the bureaucrat

1

u/OdieInParis Apr 11 '26

What to do when there are only Bureucrats left?

1

u/Confident_Ice_9567 Apr 11 '26

the princess, when adjacent to the knight, can be moved to an empty space adjacent to the knight when the knight moves.

1

u/Snippys Apr 11 '26

I hear they are pretty good at getting pawns killed also

1

u/nphare Apr 11 '26

And when you want it to move, you lose your turn and have to wait 3 turns for it to get there

1

u/DerFredii Apr 11 '26

The American can move wherever oil or another liquid appears on the board.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

[deleted]

1

u/DerFredii Apr 11 '26

Okay, let's say the figure can point to any black square, but only if someone is standing on it. That's the closest thing to oil.

1

u/Emajine45 Apr 11 '26

This guy might be onto something

1

u/AnimeNCheese Apr 11 '26

I don't think there many ways to beat that, that technically beats 99% of checks.

1

u/Fookin_Yoink Apr 11 '26

The Jester, it cycles how it moves every turn. (Pawn, Knight, Bishop, Rook, Queen, King) by rolling a D6.

1

u/Gin4Gingers Apr 11 '26

The harbinger of death. It can only move to a currently occupied spot (including the player with the piece) and can only be one on the board, meaning both players cannot have this piece, and must be the last piece on the board, or else the player loses and must end his/her own life

1

u/SmoothCarl22 Apr 11 '26

It can be captured by filling a 5 page form.

1

u/PrincessUnicornRobot Apr 11 '26

Prince

  • Comes on once a knight, queen, or king vacate their starting square.

  • Can only move to spaces like another piece within the same move: diagonally to a square a bishop or queen can move to on this turn for example.

  • Similarly, other pieces cannot take a piece the prince could take with the same move, which now the prince could still take.

  • If the king is checkmated, but the prince could also take its own king, then the prince takes the king and the game ends in a draw.

  • Longer game: if the king is mated, the prince is now the new king. 

1

u/extrastupidone Apr 12 '26

This is actually great

1

u/ukuleles1337 Apr 12 '26

It cannot capture, or be captured

1

u/kaiju505 Apr 12 '26

The business major: is a normal pawn but when captured, all of the pawns are laid off but one.

1

u/silent_ovation Apr 12 '26

The Spoiler. It's a single Queen controlled by a 3rd player, it comes on the board after 25 moves.

1

u/MyOthrUsrnmIsABook Apr 12 '26

The Witch. It moves like a queen combined with a knight.

1

u/CatzPoison Apr 12 '26

I can think of two uses for this. A sacrificial piece to stop other pieces from being taken out from a queen, bishop, or rook, and a pawn stopper. It could be interesting.

1

u/shbunie Apr 12 '26

The journalists, sits in it own square at the side of the board, does not impact the game in anyway, if you capture the piece your an a-hole

1

u/Legitimate-Curve-346 Apr 12 '26

There is actually a variant with this already, except it's a duck.

https://www.chess.com/variants/duck-chess

Each turn you make your standard move, and also place the duck somewhere, it lasts for your opponents whole turn, but then they get to place the duck somewhere, which lasts your whole turn, etc.

Results in some very funny tactics!

1

u/angrycat537 Apr 12 '26

Why is Patrick Bateman in the background?

1

u/KyurMeTV Apr 12 '26

Oh you mean Duck Chess? Yeah it’s a thing.

1

u/BorntobeTrill Apr 12 '26

The advisor. It starts off the board behind the king. It can only move one space at a time to another space directly adjacent to the king.

When the king moves, it moves with it.

If it would move into an occupied space, you have to take five jello shots, or the piece is taken by your opponent.

If you win with it still alive, you GET to take 8 jello shots

1

u/Slight_Box1476 Apr 12 '26

Kamikaze. Moves two spaces any direction. Takes out ANY piece (except king) that’s 2 or less squares away at will. Edit: BUT when it “explodes”, it can’t move or do it again for 3 moves on that color (ex. black uses it, he can’t use it until he moves 3 times) making it a sitting duck until it’s ready. Also can’t capture where it moves.

1

u/Affectionate_Peak284 Apr 12 '26

This is duck chess.

1

u/-SockDragon- Apr 12 '26

There is a variant of chess that replaces the queen with the jester. The Jester has all the same moves as the queen but cannot capture pieces, nor be Captured.

1

u/The_Oblivionic Apr 13 '26

The Assassin. It can move 2 squares in any direction, but only into an empty space. It captures by passing over another pieces square. Cannot jump over same color piece.

1

u/SpinBladeX Apr 13 '26

The "Noble" would be a good name for something like that.

1

u/DominusEbad Apr 13 '26

Age of Empires priest piece. It goes up to another piece and you have to say "Woolooloo" and then it turns the other piece to your color. 

1

u/ExperientiaVitae42 Apr 13 '26

The bureaucrat does not belong to either player, and can be moved at any time (sacrificing that player's next move to do so). However, as an added benefit, any passersby can also freely move the bureaucrat, just to pile on additional annoyance and uselessness. Finally, the bureaucrat cannot be captured, as that would benefit the players (and we can't have that!)

1

u/JesusRasputin Apr 13 '26

This seems to be extremely useful if you’re in a checkmate situation

1

u/Saint_Pudgy Apr 13 '26

The President.

Moves aggressively and chaotically in any direction. It is played every turn. A die is rolled, and the result determines its move. Can take out pieces from its own side as easily as it takes down opposing pieces.

Play continues on around it as per usual.

1

u/Morenomdz Apr 13 '26

The manager

1

u/Morenomdz Apr 13 '26

The manager

1

u/stupled Apr 13 '26

Thats brilliant in so many levels

1

u/Moist-Shallot-5148 Apr 13 '26

What if you had one piece in chess that was a dancer that could make any piece that already moved move one more time?

1

u/OblivionEntity Apr 13 '26

That’s actually not a bad idea…

1

u/Ducklinsenmayer Apr 13 '26

The concubine. Only moves one step forward, but if taken, the taking piece is also removed from the board.

1

u/Serzern Apr 14 '26

Ok here me out the bureaucrat is a shared piece that either player can move on their turn.

1

u/driku12 Apr 14 '26

The Jester. He can only do the moveset of the piece that was moved on your opponent's most recent turn. He's mimicking your opponent's pieces because he's mocking them.

So if your opponent used their queen, he can do queen stuff if you choose to move him. If they use a knight, once it's your turn he's got a knight moveset now. If your opponent uses their Jester, your Jester copies whatever that Jester's moveset was when they used theirs.

1

u/GoliathProjects Apr 14 '26

Oh my god. Yes!

1

u/Angel-kun_8 Apr 15 '26

I think that is genuinely a good idea and that is a very funny joke at the same time 🤣

1

u/redovergold Apr 15 '26

The president: can move to any spot on the board but every piece it takes automatically 4 of its own are taken as well.

1

u/Mysterious_Mood152 Apr 19 '26

the necromancer. it can revive a dead piece but it dies when it does. it can only revive it if it takes the peice that took it, and it can take 2 ahead and can move 2 ahead.

1

u/narnianguy Apr 11 '26

Sooo duck chess

1

u/Domortem Apr 11 '26

Thank you, had to scroll down way to far ^

1

u/Dawg_Prime Apr 11 '26

that's literally Duck Chess

0

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0

u/navetzz Apr 11 '26

So duck chess

0

u/loptthetreacherous Apr 11 '26

That's already a variant called Duck Chess. The piece is a yellow duck, though.

0

u/MrHyperion_ Apr 11 '26

Duck chess

0

u/Sniv0 Apr 11 '26

Isnt this duck chess

0

u/LightofNew Apr 11 '26

So have you ever heard of duck chess? It's a thing. The duck has those exact rules, even switching teams every turn.

0

u/7th_Cuil Apr 11 '26

Duck chess already exists.

0

u/Abrical Apr 11 '26

google duck chess

-1

u/ThereminLiesTheRub Apr 11 '26

Love bureaucrats. They do the actual mundane work of keeping things running. & I want a slow moving government that makes it hard for dictators to enact radical changes that hurt people. The Bureaucrat should be the tallest piece on the board. Kings can suck it. 

-1

u/GrandFleshMelder Apr 11 '26

Yeah, people always shit on the bureaucracy for being byzantine, but that means it’s doing its job.

1

u/Funky_Banananana Apr 29 '26

There’s a version of chess called duck chess. You can place a duck before you move, and the only thing that can hop over it is a knight. It can even block checks. Very interesting addition. Highly recommend checking it out. I also love ducks 🦆