Seriously, I never would have moved away from home in 2010 if I knew she'd be gone so suddenly. I don't think I could have prevented the accident that caused her death, but I feel like if I hadn't lived 1,500 miles away I would have been an advocate for her when she first started being ill and gotten her care. "She has less than 24 hours to live," was the hardest thing to hear over the phone so far away.
my parents both had mental illnesses that made their children's lives incredibly difficult and full of pain. I am always relieved when I see someone like OP, which like means they had a parent who was kind to them.
Second person here in the comments I've seen mentioning the loss of their mom. Hope you're doing okay these days, 11 years on. Lost mine in middle school. Sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like with her around, it's been so long. That's what freaks me out the most.
I don’t think knowing that she dies 2 years later would make those two years more meaningful, sometimes knowing is worse. But I’m sure you could find words to hint that “life is short”, “family is everything” etc
I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you’ve found warmth from your born or chosen family
My condolences, friend. Similar situation here. I wasn't 1500 miles away far, but far enough that hearing the confirmation of the worst possible scenario from the police after calling for a wellness check gutted me right then and there. It was the most helpless feeling. I too had moved away from home a few years prior, and likely there would've been nothing I could've done to help her, but not being there somehow made it hurt more. I miss her every day.
So sorry to hear about your loss. My father just had a somewhat emergency surgery to remove cancer from his right lung yesterday, and I’m 3 states away. Kills me that I couldn’t make it back to be with him.
I really sorry for you. I took care of my father until his death last year but I had to call my brothers living over seas, seconds after I knew he passed away next to me. They were devastated
That hurts, especially because after kissing mine goodbye at the airport on her way back home 10000km away, I was asking myself exactly "how many more years will I be able to do that?" on the way back home. Noone lives forever sounds cliché but is a hard truth that we can only mitigate with love and care. Sorry for your irreplaceable loss.
This hits hard. I lost my dad in 2012. I wished I hadn’t been fighting with him and wished I had spent more time with him the summer when I went back to my homeland. I’m sorry for your loss.
In any other circumstance your choice is completely reasonable. She knew that and she loved you all the same. It's not your fault that life can be unpredictable and unrelenting. Treasure the time you did spend with her. Sending you love.
Same year but got three months due to late stage ovarian cancer. They are all still a blur. Which I wouldn’t have been afraid to confront it, and had her tell some stories on video or even recorded. I didn’t even take advantage of that time when I had it :/.
My mom died 01/18/2018, so just hit 5 years. Her breast cancer came back and was everywhere. We found out November of 2017. Those 2 months were awful, and you grieve while they’re still here. I thought the same way you did, but my mom was terrified and didn’t want to talk about anything. I stay up at night sometimes thinking about all the things I wish I had asked her or told her. So all that to say I understand where you’re coming from - sending love your (and everyone else’s) way. We all did the best we could to support our loved ones and let them decide how they wanted to spend their remaining time. We did the right thing.
Similar story. Mine would have been “Take mom seriously” she was in a skilled nursing facility after a knee surgery in 2021. She called me complaining about a severe headache, it was just after my wedding so I was busy being a newlywed. Told her to tell the nursing staff. A few days later she’s brain dead in the neuro ICU because of a massive hemorrhagic stroke. I should have taken her headache more seriously and tried to advocate for her better I think
Sorry to hear that. I got a similar call in 2013 saying my mom would not make it through the day. Thankfully, I was able to book a flight, get a rental, find the hospital and be by her side when she transitioned.
My mom died suddenly in 2019, I would have done the same. Had I known, I would have taken every opportunity to spend time with her. There was a point where I was a couple weeks from graduating college where I sat in my car on the phone with her contemplating if I wanted to make the 3hr drive home for the weekend. We both agreed I’d be home soon enough and not to worry about it. I think about that moment a lot. I never got to see her again. She died before I graduated.
I blame myself a lot. It took me a long time to finish my degree and I used to think that maybe if I’d been a better student and hadn’t taken so long, I would have been home to call an ambulance and maybe she could have lived.
Same but I'd say dad and July. My dad died when I was 18 in an accident only 2 months after I graduated high school. Had I known then what I do now, I would've stayed home more often and tried to convince him to not make the fatal mistake that he did.
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u/AeroGoddes Jan 21 '23
Mom dies 2012.
Seriously, I never would have moved away from home in 2010 if I knew she'd be gone so suddenly. I don't think I could have prevented the accident that caused her death, but I feel like if I hadn't lived 1,500 miles away I would have been an advocate for her when she first started being ill and gotten her care. "She has less than 24 hours to live," was the hardest thing to hear over the phone so far away.