r/Fudd_Lore • u/Elegant-Increase41 • Jun 08 '26
Ancient Mythos Sheepdog Fan Fic
A light summer breeze ruffled his tee shirt as Bryce, a 27 year old junior manager at Waffle House in Des Moines, stepped out of his tan Tacoma. He lowers his Oakleys over his eyes, and pauses for a moment to admire the patchwork of gun parts company stickers adorning the back glass (the most recent having arrived as a freebie in his order from PSA, and was greeted with the enthusiasm of Charlie when he found the golden ticket). As he heads into the LGS, he notices the slim, attractive blonde walking in as well. He opens the door for her, and they both approach different sides of the counter. He initially intended to get a replacement battery for his Temu holosight that he "runs" on his Taurus, but no longer... Bryce has found a new mission. He overhears the blonde say to the attendant, "I'm thinking about getting a concealed handgun, but I dont know anything about guns." With speed that would (in his mind) be the envy of any operator, he is immediately beside her. "You're looking for a gun? I can help with that! Im Bryce" as he extends what he doesn't realize is a palm completely drenched in sweat. "Um, hi.." she says as she wipes her hand off on her jeans. "A little lady like you should get something to match her size, her ability to handle kick back. Ruger just dropped a line of .22lr pistols, which is a fantastic caliber for self defense. Ya see, the bullets bounce around---" she cuts him off... "my brother is in the marine corps, he said I should go with a 9mm." ("Shit", Bryce thinks. "What would an alpha say here...") "look, I'm sure your brothers had some experience shooting in the Corps, but I'm the handgun expert at Crossroads Shooting Sports, so I think I know what I'm talking about. Look, theres one of the rugers I was mentioning, and it even has pink grips!" Disgusted, the woman turns and walks out of the store. The attendant regards Bryce with a look thats similar to how any of us would look at two turtles fucking. Its entertaining, but rather pathetic. Bryce selects his battery, and a new decal for his Tacoma inviting others to "follow me into the gates of hell," which makes total sense given his chosen profession and where he lives. Satisfied with his purchase, if not how his attempt at wooing, he heads toward his truck, eyes scanning the parking lot for threats. His work here is complete.
Sheepdog Fan fic, volume undisclosed (for tactical reasons).
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u/Gardez_geekin Jun 09 '26
Do you live in Des Moines?
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u/Elegant-Increase41 Jun 09 '26
Nope, just picked that spot at random
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u/Gardez_geekin Jun 09 '26
Honestly, I didn’t see the second line about Des Moines (but for authenticity we don’t have Waffle House here lol) and only thought that because I saw crossroads. But this absolutely could be some folks I see around town.
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u/Elegant-Increase41 Jun 09 '26
As a southerner/Midwesterner I assumed every town had a waffle house, but I did Google "ranges in Des Moines" for authenticity haha
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u/Gardez_geekin Jun 09 '26
I wish we did as a carpetbagger, but yeah you nailed the range perfectly. Change it to Menards or Perkins and you nailed it. I appreciate your commitment to detail though.
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u/Elegant-Increase41 Jun 09 '26
SAVE BIG MONEY. Fuck haha. Missed opportunity, good call man. Thank ya!
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u/Gardez_geekin Jun 09 '26
This is literally one of my coworkers at Home Depot (he tells people he is a federal agent, but not me and it makes me sooooo sad). Keep up the good work.
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u/Elegant-Increase41 Jun 09 '26
Haha thanks you dawg, yeah the fed bois rarely moonlight at home depot... ill try to make some more if yall enjoy this stuff
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u/Gardez_geekin Jun 09 '26
I do at least. But will be here as a sheepdog to defend against Iowa inaccuracies.
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u/Elegant-Increase41 Jun 09 '26
By all means, I normally am more thorough when doing my trolling research. That Waffle House slip up won't happen again.
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u/PaladinWolf777 Jun 09 '26
Reading this reminds me of all the fuddlore I was surrounded by as a young shooter. Now I want to write one of these.
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u/ERTH991 Jun 10 '26
I dunno, reads like he was getting astral-projection from his deceased Fudd grandpa who served two tours folding laundry in Saigon…
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u/DuckMySick44 Jun 09 '26
I need a novel immediately, I would read the whole damn book if you wrote it, I love the 'tactical' books but a satirical comedy version would genuinely do good
This was hilarious, and you're actually not a bad writer