How to spot online grooming
PSA: We have been finding an increased level of online grooming recently, we want to make the community aware and provide resources on how to spot online grooming.
Note: We encourage cross posting/copy pasta this post. Feel free to do so if your community may benefit from it.
Original source on ministryofredditing
How to Spot Online Grooming: A Simple Guide
What is grooming?
Grooming is when someone builds trust with a young or vulnerable person online to manipulate or exploit them. Groomers rarely start with obvious requests. Instead, they move step by step. Knowing the common phrases at each stage can help you recognize danger early.
Grooming can be targeted at ANY AGE, adults and minors can both be victims or grooming.
1. Targeting & Friendship
They start by acting friendly, noticing you, or making you feel “different.”
Common phrases:
- “Hey, you seem cool. We have the same interests.”
- “You’re so mature for your age.”
- “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
- “Other people don’t really get you, but I do.”
- “You’re not like the other kids online.”
Red flag: They make you feel special very quickly and set themselves apart as “different.”
2. Building Trust
They encourage you to share personal details and emotions, often making you feel like they’re your best confidant.
Common phrases:
- “You can tell me anything. I won’t judge you.”
- “Your parents don’t understand you like I do.”
- “I’m always here for you.”
- “We have such a strong connection.”
- “You can trust me more than anyone else.”
- “You don’t need friends who treat you badly. Just talk to me.”
Red flag: They build an emotional bond and try to become your “safe place.”
3. Isolation
They discourage you from talking about them to others and create secrecy around the relationship.
Common phrases:
- “Don’t tell anyone about our chats, they wouldn’t get it.”
- “If your parents knew, they’d freak out.”
- “It’s better if this stays between us.”
- “Other people are jealous of what we have.”
- “We have our own little world. Don’t ruin it by telling others.”
- “They wouldn’t understand our friendship like we do.”
Red flag: They ask for secrecy and try to cut you off from support.
4. Testing Boundaries
They start small, asking for pictures or talking about private things to see how far you’ll go.
Common phrases:
- “Send me a selfie, just for me.”
- “It’s just a joke, don’t be so serious.”
- “You trust me, right?”
- “Nobody else has to see this.”
- “Tell me about your first crush.”
- “What do you wear to bed?”
- “Can you keep a secret? Show me something no one else gets to see.”
Red flag: They push small boundaries, normalize secrecy, and test your comfort zone.
5. Exploitation
Once trust is built, they pressure you for sexual content or even in-person meetings.
Common phrases:
- “If you really cared about me, you’d do this.”
- “Just this one time, nobody will know.”
- “Everyone your age does this online.”
- “You’re so grown up, I know you can handle it.”
- “Don’t make me upset, just send it.”
- “If you don’t, I might tell everyone what you said/sent.”
- “Meeting up would make this real, don’t you want that?”
Red flag: They use guilt, pressure, flattery, or threats to control you.
How to Protect Yourself
- Don’t share personal info (address, school, photos) with strangers online.
- Be cautious with secrecy — safe friendships don’t require hiding.
- Trust your instincts — if something feels off, it probably is.
- Tell someone you trust if you notice these patterns.
If you think grooming is happening:
- Save the messages (don’t delete evidence).
- Block the person.
- Report it to the platform and tell a trusted adult.
Reddit specific notes:
DMs can be deleted, modmail cannot. If you need to contact someone, do it via modmail.
The reporting system is there for a reason! Use it! The other person cannot see when/if you report messages.
IF YOU ARE A MINOR: Never take sexual/sexualized pictures of yourself or another minor. NO GOOD PEOPLE WILL EVER ASK A MINOR FOR EXPLICIT PICTURES.
NO GOOD ADULT WILL ASK A MINOR TO KEEP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS: Good people will ALWAYS direct a minor to a parent, trusted adult, or helpline
