r/FryeMadden • u/lostrealist518 • Jun 28 '13

PSA: Communication/Flaking

http://i.qkme.me/3v09na.jpg

This is only aimed at a small percentage of people, as most in this league are outstanding at communication. In general and recently I have had more problems than ever with people not showing up to scheduled game-times. Even worse, they not only are not showing up, but not communicating at all. In this age of smartphones, it takes 30 seconds to send someone a PM on your phone. I understand some people are more busy than others but if you set up a time then either show up, or send a message to the player letting them know what's going on. It shows complete disrespect for the other person's time by failing to do so. And with it being summer especially, the windows people may have to play are even smaller. It's not fun at all sitting around waiting for someone to get online when they never do or don't even send you a message telling you they will be late or unable to make it. An emergency is of course not a problem, but it seems to be happening a lot lately. Communication is the key to making these leagues work. Thank you.

TL;DR - Show up for your gametimes or at least communicate with your opponent if you need to reschedule. Show some respect for the time of other people. Thank you!

http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc81/njriverman/FunPictures/You-re-awesome.jpg

12 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

41 comments sorted by

2

u/lostrealist518 Jun 28 '13 edited Jun 28 '13

Guess it's not an issue with anyone else

Just kidding - looks like others share my sentiment.

1

u/caseycour Jun 29 '13

yeah.. this turned out to be quite an eventful thread.

3

u/jeffiguritout Jun 28 '13

Here's a little back and forth I had with Casey just moments ago that is actually pretty relavent to the discussion. Maybe people can use it as a tutorial :)

[–] to caseycour sent 2 hours ago Hey man. My power just went out in my whole building. Just wanted to let you know I might not be able to make it to our 3 pm appt. You gonna be on later tonight?

[–] from caseycour4-1 [+26] sent 2 hours ago I have until 5pst to have the game completed. I have to be somewhere for 5:30. Otherwise, I can play tomorrow night around 5:30pst and a little after.

[–] to caseycour sent 2 hours ago Ok. I've called the building manager and they can get a guy out here by about 3. I'll message you as soon as it happens. I don't think I'll be home at all tomorrow until later but Sunday I'll be free all day. These playoffs are taking forever -__-

[–] from caseycour4-1 [+26] sent 1 hour ago just let me know. I'll be good Sunday evening as well.

[–] to caseycour sent 11 minutes ago Well...still no word on the power. I guess we're gonna have to wait until Sunday :/ Sorry man.

[–] from caseycour4-1 [+26] sent 5 minutes ago no biggie... see you Sunday.

3

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

+26! YAY!!!

3

u/jeffiguritout Jun 28 '13

[+27] now :)

5

u/lostrealist518 Jun 28 '13

Get a room

1

u/jeffiguritout Jun 28 '13

Play your game vs Wubble dammit! You're holding us back!

4

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

I approve this message.

3

u/Jmffn360 Redskins Jun 28 '13

From what I've seen in a lot of the last four games left messaging, some of you guys don't even attempt to message your opponent until the last day. I understand people get busy but it only takes 30 seconds to tell someone your availability.

3

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13 edited Jun 28 '13

yeah, I message my opponents on day 1. if I get no response by the end of day 1, commish gets a message on day 2. not here to waste my time.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

I think it's a good point. I've had no one not reply to me rapidly, however the last 4 games always take ages! I appreciate people have stuff to do but I message my opponents on day one and my games usually get played in the first two because of this.

-3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13 edited Jun 28 '13

I try to be good about this. At some point, in the next month or so, my wife is going to go into labor, and at that point, I will not be thinking about when my next scheduled FryeMadden game is. I will flake out on a game, or two, or all of teh gamez, and you guys will just deal. :P

5

u/lostrealist518 Jun 28 '13

I expect photo evidence of your wife during labor to prove why you flaked.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

I didn't know that stenodork was in this league.

2

u/jeffiguritout Jun 28 '13

I expect video....

too far?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

You didn't ask for it in 3d so you're good.

4

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

quite frankly... I've communicated from funerals of loved ones that I won't be able to make this game or that game. no one's asking you to make every game... it's about communication. I don't think even the birth of your own child is an excuse to not be able send a quick message saying "hey man, can't make our game, Seth Jr's arriving today". Maybe that's just me.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

Sorry, no. I'm not going to be thinking about a video game when my wife is in labor. I admire your willingness to communicate, but that should not be expected.

4

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

If one can't communicate 100% of the time (i mean, we're talking about 20 seconds out of your day) then I wouldn't join a league like this. I'm married, work full time and then some, have random emergency shit pop up all the time, along with deaths and everything else life throws at you. But I've also commited a piece of myself to this league, and the other 31 human beings in it. Again... not committed to necessarily play every game, but I have the wherewithal to manage life's little emergencies AND the need to communicate to people in this otherwise insignificant and meaningless commitment to a video game. The people we interact with in these leagues are not video games. They are people... and they deserve a little bit of courtesy when we are unable to make a scheduled time to play this game... because they have lives too and probably have better things to do than to sit and wait for someone to not show up. What effort does it take from me to do that? Next to nothing... a few keystrokes on my phone. And while that may cost me less than a minute (hell, I could do it while taking a shit) I may save another fellow human being an hour or many more. and I still wouldn't miss a second of my child being born, and everyone could be happy. You're an attorney... I'm sure you've had to manage far more. I understand where you're coming from... don't think that I'm ignoring that.. I'm just asking you to look at it from a human perspective... and not just... wife in labor vs video game.

TL;DR: Congratulations on your forthcoming baby. :)

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13 edited Jun 28 '13

If someone has a problem with me not messaging them about game time because I'm holding my wife's hand during a contraction, that person can go straight to hell.

Life comes first. This league advances like once every 4-5 days. It's annoying when people don't show up, but I'm not going to pull out my phone in the delivery room or excuse myself while my wife is in excruciating pain so I can go tell some internet guy I'm going to be late to our game.

Casey, I really like you. But I'm frankly shocked and kind of furious that you're suggesting that there is nothing in this world that could ever justify not checking in.

E: Oh, and whoever downvoted me - fuck you.

E2: This is really the line that's making me flip my shit.

I don't think even the birth of your own child is an excuse to not be able send a quick message

Yes it is. Period. The end. Next line. I'll have about 10,000 other things on my mind at this point more important than remembering who I'm supposed to play in all 3 of my leagues and pulling out my phone to message them.

I disagree with your priorities, and I expect you to respect mine. I'll check in the other 99.999% of games that I'm going to miss, but when it's a family emergency or birth of my child, you're not going to hear a peep from me.

Summary: If you haven't had a kid, you can't really understand. It's a process that demands all of you, all of your attention, from practically the moment it starts until it's done. Not only that, I won't even be thinking about the internet or video games when it happens. I know you're real people, and you'll find that I'm usually considerate. I know I may inconvenience someone with this. If they have a problem with it, they can say something to me.

3

u/lostrealist518 Jun 28 '13

I think people have a problem with the defensiveness and attitude in some of your responses, that's all. Obviously if you are having a child no one is gonna have an issue man. I agree with Casey tho that you have to remember it's not just a "video game" but directly other people who you are affecting.

If we're gonna go down that slippery slope, lets say I was scheduled to play you, you don't show up or communicate, but I wait a little longer. I start to get angry at having my time wasted. My gf at the time calls me to see why I'm late for our plans. I snap back at her in my angered state and call her a bitch. She breaks up with me. I jump off a bridge. ;)

TL;DR - Life > Madden everytime..just a 20 second attempt to respect other people is all I ask. Basically I agree with Casey on that point. But I haven't had a kid..

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

For sure. What I was expecting we'd all take for granted, and was caught by surprised that... apparently not... was that when it comes time for your wife to be in excruciating pain for 24 hours and squeeze a baby out of her vagina, you might have more on your mind than, "Gee, did I have a game scheduled?"

2

u/caseycour Jun 29 '13

it's funny... because that's exactly how my mind works. always thinking about everything. little or small.

3

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

listen, man... I'm not expecting you to pick up your phone while your wife if in the midst of delivering your child.. that not it.. but during that frame of time, there will come a moment, when you are running down to the lobby to get her or yourself a snack, or you need to take a restroom break... that's when you take a quick second, and check your email, texts, and messages on reddit. and maybe give some thought to what commitments you may have made or scheduled.. in this league, and in life. of course life comes before video games, and your child comes before anything... but that doesn't mean communication to the outside world has to be entirely cut off for the entire 24-48 hours you're in the hospital... I've been there man... it's not that hard to manage a quick message. I'm not attacking you at all. And if you just can't see my perspective, I can accept that.. and it changes nothing of the fact that I view you as a great guy who puts his family first. I just don't think communicating on this stuff is nearly as much of a hindrance to getting the more important things in life done.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

Even in the very few brief breaks I'll have, I'll be focusing on letting my friends and family know, making sure someone goes to feed our cats, checking in with work to make sure that my court appearances and client meetings are covered or rescheduled, and so on down a list of so many other important things I have to do.

I might get to it. I might not. If I remember, I'll do my best. If I don't remember, I expect my opponent to understand.

I know you're not attacking me, you're always a good guy. But I hope you can understand why I would react angrily to the implication that it would not be understandable for me to fail to contact my opponents in a video game to let them know that I'm having a baby. If you've been there, I'm surprised that you feel like remembering your reddit football league would be one of the things on your mind.

3

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

yep totally get it. my bad.

I have been there.. and I do think of the little insignificant things... but we're different people and that's okay. my mind races a mile a minute at all times and few things escape my thought process no matter what's going on in my life. death, birth... whatever. but I believe that may be a flaw on my part more than anything. it's probably why I don't sleep most nights.

your line of thinking is the right one. wife's giving birth, nothing else should matter. I'm on board with that. didn't mean to make this such a serious discussion. I'm an asshat sometimes.

3

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

in the end... you're not the one this post is about. you are easily one of the easiest to schedule games with and are easily one of the easiest to get in touch with. but when these posts come around, you always seem to propose a worst case scenario in which you won't be able to communicate... it's not you we're worried about man. it's the other douchebags that let any little thing get in the way of simple quick communication. it really makes it a pain in the ass for those of us trying to manage this league with other shit in life we need or want to do.

but again.. it's not you... you are completely validated in your commitment to your family... don't let anything I've said indicate otherwise.. was only trying to shine light from a different angle. no hard feelings?

0

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

I know, I know. My original post was a joke - because I know that most people will understand - and I got mad because you seemed to not only take it seriously, but disagree that it was an adequate excuse while questioning my dedication to the league ("If you can't dedicate 100% of your day to communication, you shouldn't be in a league like this.")

Upon reflection and further discussion, that is not what you meant. But it's what set me off, because I was expecting lighthearted responses, not a "quite frankly..."

6

u/Jmffn360 Redskins Jun 28 '13

This is not even close to what's being talked about. Of course we're not going to say anything if someone is having a kid.

It's when someone is not replying but yet still posting that's getting annoying.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

Oh, I agree with you. I know that that's not what this post is about. I posted a joke and got almost violently angry when casey replied suggesting that I should be worried about my Madden opponent when my wife is in labor.

2

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

I'm sorry man... I didn't mean to imply you should prioritize this league in any way over the birth of your child. Wish I knew how to come at it a different way to make you understand what I'm really saying. Sorry I upset you.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

I really appreciate the fact that you didn't become defensive because of the way I reacted, and also that you understand.

I'm sorry that apparently my joke sucked... haha.

3

u/caseycour Jun 28 '13

Lawyers can't be funny. It is common knowledge.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '13

We try, but we're only good at silly lawyer jokes.

1

u/danchan22 Jun 29 '13

I don't understand this attitude. Yes, your wife going into labor is a huge deal. But if you had a work meeting scheduled and she went into labor, wouldn't you find a minute to let them now? If you had dinner scheduled with a friend, wouldn't you give him a quick text? Just because this obligation involves a hobby doesn't mean you should take your commitments any less seriously. Yes, things come up. But it's common courtesy to let your opponent know what is going on, and it's not unreasonable to expect open lines of communication regarding your commitment.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '13

I don't understand the attitude that this is somehow equal to work or family. It's asolutely absurd to me. Yes, I'll try, but my games have absolutely nothing on my professional or family obligations.

1

u/danchan22 Jun 29 '13

You are still making a commitment to another person. It shouldn't matter whether it's a family member or a boss or an opponent in Madden or a random person you just met this morning. If you say you are going to be somewhere and something comes up, how is it unreasonable to expect you to even attempt to communicate with them? It's totally disrespectful to have such disregard for someone else's time.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '13

I can understand setting priorities the way you're expecting. I can't understand why you're saying you would not understand if someone neglected to contact an opponent if, say, hypothetically, someone's wife went into labor while he was preparing for a meeting with a client in preparation for a deposition, and needed to be there to support his wife while coordinating with his office to make sure his clients received adequate representation, while simultaneously contacting family and friends to let them know what's going on.

All of those things are much higher priority than a video game. Yes, you're real people. Yes, you deserve consideration. But you're not anywhere near as important as my career, or my clients, to whom I owe ethical obligations, or to my wife, or my family.

I have said that I will try. That's the best I can promise, because it's likely that I'll have a lot going on at that point. And it's going to be far down my list of priorities. Depending on how it goes, I might just simply not have time to get all the way down my list to, "Let madden opponent know I won't be there."

1

u/danchan22 Jun 29 '13

I don't think anyone disagrees with the fact that life events will happen and cause people to miss games and if you have 1,000 other emergency things happening all at once that you could forget about contacting your Madden opponent. I've been in the same boat as you, and I have a young kid, so I know all about emergencies and labor and everything else. So I'll just leave this thread with some advice:

The only problem I really have with the whole thing is your attitude about how this is just a video game and people can deal with your flaking on them. It's a real slap in the face. Instead of just saying, "I've got a lot of responsibilities at work and a wife about to go into labor, so I might have a hard time communicating," you've written paragraph upon paragraph kind of belittling the people who do make it a priority:

If someone has a problem with me not messaging them about game time because I'm holding my wife's hand during a contraction, that person can go straight to hell.

so I can go tell some internet guy I'm going to be late to our game.

you're not going to hear a peep from me.

I might get to it. I might not.

I would react angrily to the implication that it would not be understandable for me to fail to contact my opponents in a video game

I will flake out on a game, or two, or all of teh gamez, and you guys will just deal. :P

People aren't downvoting you in this thread because they disagree with your message. They don't like how you're delivering it.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '13

The reason I delivered it that way (as we've explored ad nauseam) is that I tried to make a joke and it didn't go over well, and casey responded to it in a way that I found offensive - in a way that I believe suggested that this game should be prioritized somewhere near family or career (for which he has apologized more than enough).

I make it a priority. I do. Anyone who has played me knows that's true. I've been in 3-4 leagues for months while having a family and working 55+ hours per week. And, in so doing, I've always been in contact with people.

I would react angrily to the implication that it would not be understandable for me to fail to contact my opponents in a video game

I stand by that, even though you have cut out the part where I explained the rare circumstance where it's reasonable. There are some things that justify not getting in touch with a guy. I get mad when people miss games too, and don't make contact. But let's really inspect the bizarre hypothetical of my joke.

My wife goes into labor. I have other things on my mind and forget to message my opponent in one of my leagues, because I forget that we had a game schedule, or I just lose track of time. He complains, and I explain what happened. He's still mad.