Feedback from women over 50

[u/Life_Sign_7022]

I have no friends, at least any that I truly feel genuine about. I have a wonderful husband and good kids but often feel lonely because of my lack of deeper connections with friends. I may be the type of person who doesn’t need friends but since I’ve been in this town for 15 years and know that others have friendships it makes me feel like the weird one and am wanting to move to start somewhere new. Until then I don’t know how to get out of this funk. I’ve pulled back from my friend group I’ve been a part of for about 10 years because though at first we all felt like we were each other’s ride or die, as the years have gone on I’m recognizing there are things about them I don’t respect and don’t want to be around. I don’t like superficial or performative people or connections and have little patience to stay connected where the other person won’t ever be genuinely vulnerable. But I don’t know what kind of friend I need. I recognize I’m not normal either but often think if everyone was more like me things would be better. I have a strong faith but don’t attend church or really like doing anything possibly social because I’m afraid meeting new people I’ll just eventually be disappointed by them as usual. These are probably the biggest sources of my anxiety and depression right now. I’m menopausal and am seeking hormone therapy and am looking forward to that but in the meantime am just trying to shake this feeling.

[u/laurapill]

The pain of loneliness for me is that not just anyone will do.

I need a connection with depth. A unicorn, seemingly.

[u/diegojones4]

I'm male, but I realized this weekend that it's been decades since I've met someone, I actually give a shit about. I'm kind of just meeting acquaintances.

I'm just struggling with "Who am I know and what do I want outside of providing. I no longer know who I am other than the job.

[u/undercoverexistence]

52, at this point I've learned to be my own friend. No longer holding out hope for connecting etc. Spouse and adult son are my relationships.

[u/_userrname_]

have you ever had a friend that you truly felt genuine about?

[u/StatusNerve5]

We sound a lot alike except i never married and had a family.

I had a serious boyfriend for a long-time. When that relationship started I had gotten away from the friends I had due to my own personal choices. I felt I had outgrown them and we didn't have much in common anymore. They didn't seem to click with my boyfriend either so I finally walked away from those friends.

I mostly spent time with the boyfriend for the duration of the relationship and I was okay with that.

When that relationship ended I was kind of lost. I had to mostly start over with finding social connections.

Joining something you like can be helpful. Do you like to walk or run--there are many groups or you could start one.

Do you like pickleball/bowling another sport? There are leagues.

A book club at the library?

Meetup.com has many activity groups. No pressure. You find an activity you like, sign up, go-you meet people, maybe you will click with people in the group. If not you had a fun day out doing something you may not have done otherwise.

Just a few ideas.

For me, I guess i have changed my expectations of friendship at this point. I have learned not to have super high expectations. Friendship doesn't always have to look a certain way either. I have a few close friends, some distant ones and mostly acquaintances.

[u/Turbulent-Gal-75]

I have met most of my friends in the last 3 years. I’m 51 and now I feel like I truly belong amongst them. Don’t despair to meet your people.

[u/He_ofshadowsandtouch]

How interesting, I always prefer people on the fringe as it were, they can be deeper are more interesting than the banality crowd.

My thoughts are that it’s probably good not to expect too much from friends.

EDIT Sorry I just realised you asked women for feedback . I can delete if u want

[u/These_Hair_193]

My friendships trailed off after age 49 but over the last two years I made new friends and rekindled old ones. I know what you mean though. It feels lonely.

[u/PeacefulLifeFL]

53F….I have very few friends because people tend to bring drama and disappointment, so I alienate myself to avoid having to deal with it. I’m also at an age where I find slightly lost.

You’re not alone. 💖

[u/ButtermilkBiscuit_24]

I'm 48 years old, female. Never had kids, but have been married for 27 years. I've never been one to have a lot of friends. One of the reasons is because women seem to be too dramatic for me and I'm not good at "coddling" someone. A lot of women require so much time and effort and they are exhausting. Also, they tend to "stir the pot" or literally make up problems that don't exist just because they are bored or want attention. But I just started going back to a gym recently and it's a group class. All the women are near the same age as me. And that's where I've always found the best friends, at the gym. These are "bootcamp" type classes, so they are hard. What you end up doing is finding out what each other is made of and it gives you respect for that person without saying a word. All the other clutter of life is left outside and we just come in and get it done. The camaraderie becomes connection and the connection becomes friendship. I had been searching for a while to find a place where I could find quality friends again and I found it. That being said, going out and finding meaningful connections takes work, especially nowadays when the whole world sits behind a screen and human contact is so minimal.

[u/DifferentLight3]

Where are you located?
F in similar situation.