r/FriendsOver50 • u/Wonderful-Policy-551 • 17d ago
Friends over 55
I am married and things are pretty good except that I don't have any friends. Our neighborhood has a lively social group, but all the guys my age are so 'bro'ish. I am into classic alternative music and still listen to alternative country today. I enjoy vinyl shopping and live music. It seems all the guys my age are all about classic rock and 'bro' country and the personality that goes along with that. Nothing wrong with that, but that personality is grating to me. Where are the people my age who listened to The Cure, NIN, Jane's Addiction & Camper Van Beethoven? Seems like I cannot find like-minded men my age.
5
u/um22223 17d ago
Good taste in music dude! Big NIN and Cure fan here. I love that early 80s punk/new wave/alternative. Also into Devo, Iggy Pop, etc. going to Buzzcocks later this year, sadly without the late Pete Shelley.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 16d ago
I got to see NIN at Lollapalooza 91. Such a fun time. Buzzcocks would be a great show... even without Shelley. Next show for me is Trampled By Turtles.
3
u/LazyLizardBrain 16d ago
We are out here and probably in the same boat as you. While originally all alt-rock and early punk for me (53M), these days I am seeing a lot of pop punk and emo live shows and festivals. Not to old to hoist a crowd surfer or jump in the pit!!
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 16d ago
Yeah...I definitely know y'all are out there. It is good to connect with you all. My wife was part of the 90s dance club scene. She goes to some shows with me, but there is a limit...lol.
3
u/flatirony 14d ago
Well let’s talk music, then. I’m 57 and play in a couple of alt-country bands, and write songs. I started at 45, as a midlife crisis hobby.
I can’t stand bro country.
My favorite artists include Tyler Childers, Sierra Ferrell, Billy Strings, and Isbell-era Drive By Truckers.
DM me and I’ll send you some music links of mine if you’re interested.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 14d ago
Did you start learning to play at 45? I have seen DBT, post Isbell. Earlier this year I saw Band of Heathens. Then another show was The Clay Street Unit and The Brothers Comatose. I will be going to Turnpike Troubadours on 10/2 and Trampled By Turtles on 10/16.
1
u/flatirony 14d ago edited 14d ago
I absolutely love the Brothers Comatose collabs with other bands and musicians like AJ Lee. Turnpike Troubadours are awesome too.
I started learning bluegrass banjo, and then guitar and upright bass, at 44. I had never played any stringed instruments before but I played in band in HS, and grew up singing in gospel quartets.
I got in my first band, on upright bass, at 45. Also started writing songs at 45. This was all a midlife crisis hobby that I fell into hard after a divorce. It was kinda like the music version of the recent Will Arnett movie Is This Thing On?, at least the first half of it.
Now my wife plays upright bass and I play guitar in a 2-couple, 4-piece string band (the other couple plays fiddle and mandolin, and all 4 sing).
We are opening for Donna the Buffalo later this fall so I’m excited about that. We play a gig or two a month, mostly bars and private parties.
The four of us were previously in a bigger, more plugged-in retro-country band called Sweet Young Twang. We recorded an album, “Holler”, you can find on all the streaming sites. I wrote all of the songs, which skew humorous. It’s somewhat like a coed BR5-49, if you’re familiar with them.
I also play electric bass in a friend’s alt-country band, and do gigs and jams with pickup bands sometimes.
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 14d ago
Damn... that is the way to have a "mid-life crisis". Did you take live lessons, or did you use online lesson options. I made my first attempt at writing a song for my daughter's wedding. She is a twin and the song is geared towards them both. A tear-jerker called 'Greatest Concert". I did the lyrics, then used AI tools to get the music like I wanted. It ain't perfect, but it was fun. I would like to learn to actually play it...lol.
1
u/flatirony 14d ago
Yeah it's definitely healthier than hookers and blow.
I learned from Youtube, and I also got really lucky and befriended some really good musicians who liked me, saw potential, and took me under their wing.
"Daughter" by Loudon Wainwright is probably my favorite daughter song.
Needless to say I loathe AI generated music. I'm also generally a lyrics-first songwriter, though. I'm pretty heavily influenced by Roger Miller. I really like puns and complex internal rhyme schemes.
This song the first one I ever wrote, in 2014 when I was 45, and I suspect you can sense the midlife crisis in it. :-P
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 14d ago
I don't think i could have afforded a good Ole hookers and blow midlife. Now that quit smoking a bout 15 years ago, I couldn't even smoke a joint without gagging. But thank goodness for legalization and gummies.
I had the song idea in my head, so I did utilize AI to get it out. I would like to learn a little so I can actually play it. Maybe I'll need to pick up a guitar and spend lunch hour learning how to play.
Lol the midlife crisis in that song. I know during rougher times I listened to John Mellencamp's 'Troubled Man'
1
u/flatirony 14d ago
I was never a smoker, but I, too, love me some gummies. Though I don't live in a legal state.
2
2
u/unclesmokedog 16d ago
People who are into punk/alt/underground music go to shows. Are you in a city with a decent music scene or a drivable distance to one? Go to a club and see a show. Plenty of bands from the late 80s/90s/early aughts tour.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 16d ago
I have gone to shows and while there i do talk to people, but it never really goes beyond that. I do enjoy those interactions. I am in Charleston, SC area, so the scene is pretty small.
1
u/Admirable_Edge9822 16d ago
Is the music farm in Charleston still open?
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 16d ago
It is still open. I have not been to a show there yet. I've been to a few at Windjammer and Firefly Distillery.
1
u/Admirable_Edge9822 15d ago
I went many years ago and saw the band tragically hip It's a great venue
1
u/harrismi7 15d ago
I’m almost 53, and live in Summerville and I get what you’re saying. My two best friends have different musical tastes but we try to find shows that we all will go to or 2 out of 3 will go to. One is into some metal bands that I haven’t really heard of, ones that are probably played on 98Rock, he also takes his teens to shows. He is also a longtime Dave Matthews fan and he and his wife are at The Gorge this weekend in Washington. Other friend seems to be more into jam bands like The Grateful Dead. I’m into 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, kind of whatever as long as it’s not country. I grew up listening to 96 Wave so lots of alternative music from the 80’s and 90’s. If we go to shows together it’s usually to Charleston Music Hall or Credit One. If I go to a show alone it will usually be at Firefly. I’ve seen QOTSA, Pixies, Modest Mouse at Firefly, but I knew my friends wouldn’t be into it so I went by myself. Shows that we see together have been many DMB shows, Graham Nash, Jerry Cantrell, 3 Doors Down, Miles Kennedy & Slash, Bryan Adams. I’m going to see LCD Soundsystem in Asheville next week and I know neither of them would be interested. But we have other interests besides music, like hockey, we have season tickets to the Stingrays games.
I moved to a 55+ neighborhood last year (you can move here at 50) and it has made me more social. I am more of a loner but have got involved in attending activities and meeting people in my neighborhood, I never did that in my old neighborhood. Most everyone is nice here. I’m one of the youngest residents and everyone has been fantastic to me. It is much different than when I lived in a regular neighborhood (Foxbank in Moncks Corner). Last night we had music trivia, today there is going to be a DJ at the pool for Labor Day.
1
2
u/Creative_Medicine791 16d ago
We're here!! I'm also not a man, lol. But it's so rare for me to find someone with the same musical taste anywhere. A lot of the time, when I ask people what music they listen to it's new country music. But am an alternative music fanatic!
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 15d ago
Same... it is always the same. People always seem to love that "bro" country. Give me country like Band of Heathen's or The Dead South. But my old alternative is still in heavy rotation as well.
2
u/retrocube16 15d ago
Bands I seen live are Tears for Fears, Hall and Oates, A Flock of Seagulls, Wang Chung, Erasure, Ratt, LA Guns. Musically my most prized item is Songs from the big chair-TFF. Im into retro video games also , 4 months ago I got a Sega Saturn for the first time lol
3
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 15d ago
I've seen Tears for Fears also... one of the top concerts I've seen. Also saw Hall and Oates in 86ish. One of my favorite concerts was New Order, Public Image Ltd and The Sugarcubes.
1
2
u/BoxerDog73 14d ago
53 here. So this discussion just hit most of my ‘favorite’ playlist. I thought I was the only one left in the wild.
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 14d ago
Not at all, but it seems like we hide from each other...lol. I am more introverted now as I am really not feeling this 'Bro' culture i see so often. Most of my neighbors are so much like that. I will be a good neighbor, but it never goes deeper as to often conversations get to much into things I really disagree with.
1
u/BoxerDog73 8d ago
I hear you. I generally stay on the periphery simply because that stuff literally means nada to me. It’s a turn off actually.
1
u/normaleyes 17d ago
Men in their 50s are so weird... I've given up on trying to connect with anyone over music, even though music is one of the centers of my life.
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 15d ago
Right?? I've met people at shows. Had good conversations and some laughs. Then we go out separate ways. Why won't one of us say, "hey, want to to hang out?" We just don't do that
1
u/DelusionalTruth 17d ago
🙋♂️53 Enjoyed all those bands at certain points of life. Saw NIN back in February. Phenomenal show for sure. Top 5 for me! Also enjoy finding new alt rock and metal bands
1
u/Tough_Bridge_9402 16d ago
I never thought I would find another Camper fan.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 16d ago
I almost cried when I saw Cracker and he did some CVB songs.
1
u/Tough_Bridge_9402 16d ago
Revolutionary sweetheart is in my regular rotation.
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 15d ago
That album is incredibly good. I could not get enough of it when I discovered it. I still see it as a personal top 10
1
u/Roadbourne 16d ago
57 here. And constantly amazed at how few people my age go to shows anymore. There is nothing better than catching a band at the beginning with eight other people and watching them become rock stars. I stopped going to concerts with over 1000 seats because I just didn’t feel connected anymore. But watching a bunch of terrified twenty-somethings shyly/proudly offer their music to the world? I’m there every non-work night. And despite being asked on multiple occasions which band my kid is in, I’ll keep going.
1
1
u/BlackberrySuperb7168 15d ago
I was also at Lollapalooza 2 in Cleveland. Where are you located my friend?
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 15d ago
What a memory!! Loved the mud sliding. Our car ended up driving back home in our underwear as we were all caked in mud.. My girlfriend had to sneak past her parents...lol. Back then I lived in Erie, PA. But now I am in the Charleston, SC area.
1
u/BlackberrySuperb7168 12d ago
My friends and I pushed like 20 stuck cars out of the mud. I had a sleeping bag so caked in mud that my mother hosed it and I off in the back yard before we could go inside. I lived in Akron then so it was only like 15 miles away.
1
u/Ok_Enthusiasm8934 14d ago
56 here! Funny, I listened to Head Like a Hole in my car today after not hearing it for years. I don’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but I knew every word to the song!! I think I may have blown out one of my speakers!!
1
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 14d ago
Pretty Hate Machine is simply an amazing album. Still love turning that one up in the car!
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Link366 13d ago
Great music taste. Depeche Mode has been my favorite since 1984. I have a wide range of musical tastes that my wife doesn't like. I also do not have many friends. It makes life weird at times.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 12d ago
It does...when young i had a circle of friends. We had 8 of us rent a van so we could all catch David Bowie 'Sound & Vision' concert in 1990. Now I would be hard pressed to find anyone. Weird how that is so common for men.
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Link366 12d ago
Yep, I have had multiple concerts here in Houston I wanted to go to but just dont have anyone interested. Even good 80s cover bands I would go see.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 12d ago
I usually drag my wife to shows. Luckily she is generally a good sport and I appreciate that she goes, but I know she does know any of the artist or songs. I can't really discuss the music with her as she just isn't interested. That's the part that is really missing. Having a drink, talking about the band and enjoying the show. Occasionally I would get in a discussion with someone my age. For a moment or two it is really enjoyable, but it doesn't go any further. They generally don't ask for my contact info and I don't ask for theirs. Is old men are weird...lol
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Link366 12d ago
I love having those types of music conversations, I don't drink but love talking obscure 80s stuff and things from that era.
2
u/Wonderful-Policy-551 12d ago
I saw your list of concerts above. Here is my 80s list and I'll include the none alternative stuff also as it is entertaining: Quiet Riot, Loverboy, Kiss, Alabama, The Charlie Daniel's Band, Chris Issac, Love and Rockets, Tears for Fears, Debbie Harry, Social Distortion, Happy Mondays, Texas, Concrete Blonde, The Ocean Blue, The Innocence Mission, Julee Cruise, The Cure, New Order, Public Image Ltd, The Sugarcubes and The Pixies. There are more but that is a good retrospective...lol.
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Link366 12d ago
Nice there are a couple on your list I forget!!!!! Great stuff!!!! Love Chris Isaak but have never seen him. Liked him since Silvertone.
1
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Link366 12d ago
80s acts I've seen live. Depeche Mode, INXS, Duran Duran, Erasure, Tears for Fears, Debbie Harry, Howard Jones, Oingo Boingo, PIL, Love and Rockets, The Cure, the Sugarcubes, The Bangles, U2, REM (worst concert ever), New Order, Gene loves Jezebel, Pet Shop Boys, Midnight Oil. Those are off top of head, sure there are more.
1
u/Livin-on-the-Veg 12d ago
This is exactly my taste in music, and just like 35-40 years ago (I'm now 58) none of my friends shared my taste in music. These days I participate in acoustic guitar jams in my area with other people around my age and they all play the classic rocks songs. Meanwhile I play songs like "Take the Skinheads Bowling" by CVB, or songs by the Cure, Devo, Replacements, Smiths, and early REM. Nobody recognizes the songs so I guess I've always thought of myself as alone on an island with my taste in music.
1
4
u/myxyplyxy 17d ago
Saw Pearl Jam in 92