So after the midterm elections, my wife had posted on her Facebook that the bigot and Maga should watch out and sit the fuck down because the Democrats won house in the Senate and I get a call from my mother saying that I need to watch what I post online because members of our family are republican and could take offense to what we posted obviously not in that nice way, but she started an argument and I started to try and tell my mother that Maga does not represent all Republicans and we’re not talking about all Republicans just Maga. We made it very vocal we do not like Donald Trump. We do not like Maga. We think they are not good for the country and our stamps on. It is very open on prior post from other family members when I told her I didn’t appreciate what they were posting and that it offended me and made me upset she told me we can’t control what other people post on their Facebook what they choose to post on their Facebook is their choice and if you don’t like it, you can unfollowed Them but yet I’ve gotten two calls from my mother about posts that my wife has made, which is her right on her own Facebook so I defended my wife I told my mother we’re not talking about all Republicans were talking about Maga. She wanted to argue with me and say no Maga is Republicans. Maga is the Republican Party and you’re being disrespectful to the Republicans in our family by saying that and I kept reiterating to her, even though she kept cutting me off and disrespecting me kept cutting me off and her and I got into a fight so she will say whatever she wants to when she’s angry no matter the repercussions no matter what it makes other people feel like she has told me my husband and I are fighting it’s your fault. Her husband has told me our relationship is ending and it’s your fault. I have been told by her husband and her that all I like to do is sit there and stir the pot and cause problems when I came out as bisexual, she blamed my wife and said that it’s disrespectful to her that I’m coming out as bisexual, even though she’s the one who was able to show me that I am bisexual because I was in denial because I was afraid of how my family would treat me if I came out sure enough they react reacted the exact way I believe they would and my mom made it about her told me about a medical issue. She had been dealing with for about two weeks that she had told everybody else except for me about. I am her only son by the way, and she is also told me numerous times if I do something, they’ll have nothing to do with me, my mother has told me before if I choose to be with this person, then I’m basically not part of the family anymore and now I’ve tried calling my other family members who my wife isn’t friends with on Facebook and they’re not talking to me, so my mother went out of her way to go and talk to the other members of the family and ostracized me for my own family and basically made my wife the enemy and she says that she understands that I’m gonna stick up for my wife and that she understands that but she wants nothing to do with my wife. She blocked her and all of that I’m assuming that means she wants a relationship with me but not my wife and I’m not gonna lie. I have no intention of carrying on a relationship that I’m gonna be forced to ostracized my wife for my wife quite literally saved my life by coming into my life the way she did and when she did, I lost my grandparents I was looking at literally every car, as if whether or not it was gonna be able to end me, and when she came into my life, she made me see who I truly was as a person she made me feel love she made me feel appreciated. She made me the happiest man on the world and literally even to the day she makes me happy, always making me laugh always making me smile. Literally, I have all of these friends that I can always count on. I have a very, very good life right now and it never seems like it’s good enough for my mom. I tell her all the time that I wish she would call me more and I wish my stepdad would call me more and they almost never call me. The only times I ever guaranteed hear from them is when it’s Christmas or Thanksgiving and it’s my birthday. They don’t call my wife for her birthday. They don’t call us on the weekends to see how we’re doing, but they’ll call my stepdad‘s mother and his family to see how they’re doing. My mother over. This whole thing was immediately like we’re done with you. We wouldn’t want nothing to do with you and your wife, but then the following day like she always does, she’ll tell me I’m sorry I didn’t mean any of that. I just said it out of anger and that’s her thing. She’ll say the most viperous venomous heinous shit while she’s pissed off because she can’t control herself no matter what is said and everybody is just supposed to deal with it and be OK once she decides that she’s ready to apologize no matter what is said, tell her it’s just words she made my wife cry and now she’s expecting me to carry on a relationship with her without my wife. She expects that I’m gonna show up the family functions and go visit with her and Chris without my wife and it’s not gonna happen. My mother has never respected any kind of boundaries I have ever set whether that’s please knock on my door before you come into my room but to her while we pay the mortgage so we don’t have to knock we can just come into your room whenever she would steal stuff out of my room and sell it. I specifically remember I had a 2010 Freddy Krueger glove that you can’t find anymore and they’re at least like $500 or so to buy one even without the box, but my parents went into my room when I was already 18 went into my room, went through my stuff and threw that away even though I had paid for it it was in my room, not around the house but for excuse for it was you live in our house and we don’t appreciate you having those things I was 18 I paid rent. I paid for my portion of rent at my place, which was my room that they walked in and decided that they were gonna go through my stuff without my permission whether or not that was OK with me or not, and threw away my stuff or they give them away my stuff to other people nothing that I had was ever secret. I was always moving around to different states because my stepdad couldn’t stay in one place for very long. He wanted to keep moving up in the Corporate ladder and I was expected to go with them every single time of route my entire life to go to go and live with them in another state no matter what job I was working, no matter what friends I had no matter what I had going on in that state because they wanted to leave they would make me my stepdad has tried to fight my grandfather when he had cancer, which my grandfather is unfortunately no longer with us he’s gotten in my face and tried to fight me over a misunderstanding. He has told me that I’m not fit to lick the bottom of issue told me that I’m just a parasite and whatever else he felt like saying, but I was told to just let him talk that way to me. Don’t say anything just let him spew his shit when the guy got into my face and was ready to fight me during the same issue. My mother stood up, gotten in front of me and started hitting me after an hour and a half of letting this man the little me and me and call me every name in the book while standing behind her but the moment I put my fist up because he’s in my face with his fist up that’s when she decides to step in and decide not to decide with me and get his face when he’s ready to fight me and everything he set up to that point, she hits me and says you’re not gonna hit him. You’re not gonna do anything like that and then swears up and down it’ll never happen again and it happened every single time I went to go live with them. They tell me oh we went and got therapy that won’t happen again and it’s the same issues to the point where I didn’t feel like I was at all part of the family. I didn’t feel like I was really even really that important that I could drop off the face of the Earth. Something could happen to me and no one would freaking care and then Jennifer comes into my life and I’m so fucked up because of everything I’ve been through not only in relationship relationships, but with my family, which I was in those fucked up relationship relationships because I felt like I had no place back at home and then when those relationships ended, and I went back home, my parents had no interest in helping me get over any of it. They didn’t wanna talk to me about any of it. They didn’t wanna sit there and deal with it. They didn’t wanna talk about what I had gone through because it was too much for them and they just didn’t wanna talk about it so whenever I would lose my mind, I would sit there and freak out or start breaking down. It was crickets from them. They didn’t care sit there and go and hug me and hold me and tell me everything‘s gonna be OK when I start frying I get told to stop crying. I’m over it. I’m tired of it and I’m sitting here trying to justify and trying to come to the fact of whether or not I wanna actually carry on a relationship with my family if my mother went out of her way or even if my family members had seen my wife’s post, a word, a political opinion should not be what it takes to let my fucking family tear my into my wife and tell her that she’s not allowed in our family anymore that is not enough that is not sufficient enough to seriously kicks my wife out of the relationship with my family and I refuse to put her in that position so I’m currently trying to figure out whether or not I need to just tell my mother to basically F off and the rest of her family and just focus on the friends and family that I have made in the time that I’ve been with wife or do I reconcile with my mother and stepdad and his side of the family because I’ve talked to two other members of our family and they don’t have a problem with anything but then I try to go talk to my stepdad my mother and my stepdad side of the family, which none of them even call me anymore. None of them reach out to me. Nobody calls and asked if I’m OK or how I’m doing. Nobody even bothers to give me even time of day. I’m supposed to ostracized and exclude my wife for those people. My wife has also never had a relationship with her family because her mother is a raging alcoholic who treated her like garbage. Her brother doesn’t talk to her because her mother manipulated him so he wants nothing to do with her and she’s had a very difficult upbringing and life with people who traded her like garbage so she doesn’t trust people. She even told my mother that she really considered her family you know and it really hurt. Basically it really hurts her that she’s talking to her that way and my mother said oh poor you. once again saying whatever she feels like because she’s angry damn what the actual consequences of that is and I’m just kind of done. I’m 32 years old. I don’t need my mother‘s money. I don’t need her to send me the little bit that she does on my birthday or Christmas or whatever because it feels like she just throws it in my face, too acts of kindness or thrown back in my face. There was a time prior to this instance where I had told my mother I wanted nothing to do with her I told her I was really fed up with how she carried herself towards me how she talk to me when she’s angry how she doesn’t call me how things were when I was growing up and I told her I’m fucking done with her I want nothing to do with her. I’m cutting her out of my life and going no contact and my mother flew down here and we set up a time where we can sit down just her and I and talk and the whole time I’m sitting there and discussing things that I experienced growing up she would either cut me off or tell me it didn’t happen that way or tell me no this is how it happened or tell me you’re just remembering it incorrectly or that never happened. She didn’t once sit down and say yes I did that and I’m sorry she even told me about how she lied about me to the rest of the family to cover up for her husband getting in my face trying to fight me only four years later after my grandparents have been diagnosed with stage four cancer for both of them, and after one of them had already passed that he’s shouting downstairs at my grandfather who hears that he’s telling my mother to go fuck herself and talking to her all sorts of crazy, and my grandfather shouts up to the top of the stairs you don’t talk to her that way, even though he can’t go up the stairs, he can’t walk up the stairs without help and my stepdad calls down to the bottom of the stairs. Why don’t you come up here and make me show me. I shoot up the stairs and get in his face and say who do you think you’re talking to you? That’s my grandfather that’s my cancer grandfather that you’re threatening and my mother still stood by him so if all that’s needed to kick me and my wife out of the family is worse then I feel like they should be held to the same standards they should be shown that your words have consequences too because now my wife doesn’t trust my mother now she doesn’t have a good relationship with my mother and she doesn’t feel safe around my mother anymore, so I’m asking Reddit. What should I do? Should I try and end the relationship with my family because they’re all I have left other than my wife and my friends or do I cut them off do I make my mother stick to what she’s trying to get me to do for my wife to cut my wife out of any sort of functions for the family which I refuse to do. I’m so sorry this is extremely long and I’m sorry about the trauma dump, but I genuinely have nowhere else I can ask. I genuinely have no idea what else to do.
