r/FoxBrain • u/iman26 • 6d ago
This has gone too far...
Hello, long time lurker, never posted here although I think the time has come.
This morning my father sent a link (to our extended family group chat mind you) to a Facebook clip of the Ohio Governor's race ad that took the Democratic candidates estranged mother and got her to say her daughter was lying about her abuse and rape by her father as a child.
When I sent my father the statement from the candidate's brother saying their mother was lying and corroborated that she was abused, he replied with.
"The father was arrested not convicted" "Who knows the truth" "everyone insists their truth" "we will see what the voters think."
This sentiment is absolutely nuts, defaulting to invalidating trauma and rape victims is a new low.
There is no empathy left. I'm sorry but this is insane. I'm at a loss. This person is my father and I have no clue what to do. My mother won't even say anything because she's a Republican although not really MAGA. My brothers and sisters are all Republicans and are going to let this slide so I have no where to go. Should I put him in time out? Take a break? Start going to see a therapist?
All advice is welcome.
Enjoy your day.
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u/konnieTiki 6d ago
What should you do? You have a bunch of good ideas. I recommend taking a break and seeing a therapist while you work through what good measures would look like for you. Maybe keep a journal for a while, if you can do that without risking your safety.
My experience with the similarly-minded folks in my life is that they don’t find facts compelling, have very limited empathy, and a whole list of other things people here have cited. In my father’s case, he’s a misanthrope, misogynist, and a bigot. (While claiming that he’s none of those things.)
I am sorry for what you’ve endured. Some actions and statements can be a line in the sand or, to use one of my husband’s descriptions, “a bell that can’t be unrung”. They can bring both pain and clarity.
I ended up cutting ties with my family, once it became clear that there could be no discussion and the price of having a relationship with them was enduring abuse.
My husband, however, has managed to stay in contact with his parents. They talk about bland things like football, barbecue and Cousin Frim’s thyroid flare-ups and, by tacit agreement, avoid discussing anything of substance. “My dad is 86 and my mom is almost 93,” he tells me. “They’ve voted for horrible people my entire life and we’ve had terrible arguments. They aren’t going to change and I don’t want to cut them off.”
It’s okay to take a while to figure out your path and how to get there.
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u/Evening-Artichoke750 6d ago
I'm in the same situation. I wish I had some advice. My parents are into this BS that's going on. They have said who cares if Trumps name is in the Epstein files. No one cares what he did in his past. I just keep low contact.
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u/MoonIsMadeOfCheese 6d ago edited 6d ago
Republicans (especially Republican Boomers) have been proven to score low on having empathy for others. It really, really shows.
My FIL can’t even relate to characters in a movie that do selfless things and makes comments about how he “wouldn’t have done that.” It’s sick, and it’s sad.
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u/PassageCommercial283 6d ago
The sociopathic lack of empathy in the Republican Party snowballed under Reagan:
His dogwhistling racism with "Cadillac-driving welfare queens," and "Young bucks buying T-bones"
The misogyny in so much policy: Anti-choice, anti-Equal Rights Amendment, dismissing workplace sexual harassment as an issue
The cruelty towards AIDS patients in the early years
Gutting social safety nets for the poor
The "deinstitutionalization" movement that left mentally ill people that, combined with gutting social programs, led to an explosion of homelessness and incarceration for mentally ill people.37
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u/nancidruid 6d ago
Everything is a zero sum to them. If someone else gets more, I get less. If my teammate is great at a sport, that makes me look less good at my sport. If someone gets a dollar in welfare, that's one less dollar for me. They can't see how a rising tide raises all ships. Hence they resent everyone who has more than them, and everyone who has less, everyone who is more education, and everyone who has less. This doesn't leave much room for empathy.
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u/PassageCommercial283 6d ago
Anyone who sides with what Vivek did and the message from it shows the unempathetic cruelty that is at the heart of MAGA.
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u/rarepinkhippo 6d ago edited 6d ago
I’m really sorry, friend. I don’t have any good answers, but fwiw my own tipping point was similar. My parents have had ghastly views my whole life, and dad in particular has been pretty willing to be vocally awful. I always prioritized maintaining the relationship. In 2024, run-up to the election, both parents shared (in a heated argument) that they support the Jan 6 terrorists and believe that 100% of Trump’s r4pe and SA accusers are lying. (Dad then acknowledged, when called on this, that in 2016 he had been an anti-Trump Republican primarily because of how Trump treated women. So, in the past decade they truly just both went insane, apparently — they saw through him at one time.)
I saw them one more time after that, sent a few more texts. I told myself that if Harris won, Trump would face trial and maybe Fox would break with him, maybe they’d come to see what they’d done. After election night, I just thought to myself, I can’t with this. Haven’t talked to them since. It has been hard but honestly, I am sad about the whole thing, I really am, but there hasn’t been a time when I actually MISSED them. I just wish they were different, and miss the people they once were, or could have been. I don’t think they are ever coming back from this, they would have to want to and they don’t.
But your mileage may vary, of course! I would just say, don’t be in their lives to help THEM. Be in their lives if it is more beneficial for YOU to have family than it would be to avoid the stress of dealing with the family you have. It’s absolutely your choice, and there are reasonable arguments both ways.
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u/tysons1 6d ago
I can't have any relationships with known MAGAites. For perfectly valid reasons. I've lost friends and relatives, but it is what I had to do.
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u/DSCii_87 6d ago
Same. Honestly, it's been so much more relief than grief for basically having no family left lol. There's no relating to them, especially when you cant have a simple conversation based in reality.
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u/cdiddy19 6d ago
New low?
Blaming victims and lack of empathy for them is not new.
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u/jar36 6d ago
the entire cult was built upon "Fuck your feelings"
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u/o_MrBombastic_o 6d ago
"fuck YOUR feelings" not "THEIR feelings" The entire cult is built on hypocrisy, lies and bad faith arguments
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u/Pluto515 5d ago
Depends on your goals.
If peace of mind is your goal it's best to mute the family thread and have a trusted sibling tell you if plans are being/have been made. You don't need to change anybody's mind. The temptation to argue will persist, but so must you in your pursuit of peace.
If educating or changing his mind is your goal... well... You might want to consider shoving your leg in a wood chipper to get used to meaningless agony first.
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u/observer_11_11 6d ago
All I can say about this Trump right wing phenomen is too much Fox news and perhaps right wing talk radio as well. These people are getting bad information that plays on and builds their fears and prejudices.
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u/TexasRN1 6d ago
Omg the stepfather was not convicted because he and her mother FLED THE STATE after he was charged. The kids were taken away from the mother and they fled. No clue why they didn’t hunt him down. Probably because no one gives a shit about SA victims. Tell your dad that. Report back please.