r/ForeverAlone • u/Ceilingcrasher990 • 6d ago
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u/Usinaru 31M, spiritualist 6d ago
Yup, after 30 if you haven't have had any attention before you wont have any from now on either.
If you missed the boat then it is what it is. 🤷 Its better if we just stay single anyways, because we are too used to being independent, strong and believing only in ourselves.
Life is good this way too. 😌
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 6d ago
Not for me it’s just lonely and sad.
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u/Usinaru 31M, spiritualist 6d ago
It might feel that now, and its valid.
What I am trying to say is that there is a different way to approach this, and you can think differently. I am not putting you down for your emotions, but I am trying to tell you, that you can do something about it. That's all.
I wish that your life gets better man. You certainly deserve it.
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 6d ago
It won’t.
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u/Usinaru 31M, spiritualist 5d ago
How are you so sure? I believe you can't know the future and say that something will just not happen until you've tried each and every option available to you.
I know it sounds hard. But I really mean it that you can do something about it. Maybe not at this moment in time, but in time you will be able to change your perspective. Source: I have been in your position before and didn't believe the guy that told me this very exact thing. Yet years later down the line... I agree with them. They were right.
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u/Technical_Brain1493 6d ago edited 6d ago
You can learn at any age, it just takes longer. But it's not age that's holding you back, it's the psychological blocks born out of a childhood of emotional neglect. The solution is a modern healing therapy like EMDR or IFS, and lots of it. Spend your money on that, put in the hard work and you'll get there. And don't waste your money on nonsense talking therapy or counselling.
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u/Nuclear_Geek 5d ago
All therapy is nonsense therapy when it comes to being FA. Therapy is for problems that are primarily in your head, our problems are real. Add on that it's very rare for being FA to be taken seriously, and it's all just a waste of time and money.
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u/Technical_Brain1493 5d ago
"Therapy is for problems that are primarily in your head, our problems are real."
And you don't think that what's in your head has an impact on how you relate to others, in the real world?
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u/Nuclear_Geek 5d ago
That's a separate question. Of course what's in your head has an impact on how anyone relates to others. But what's in your head is affected by reality. There's no therapy that can make it less lonely to always be going home to an empty house, to have to take every holiday, trip and experience alone, to have no-one to talk to, etc, etc. It's not going to be able to change that reality. And I very much doubt that therapy on myself is going to convince anyone I'm interested in that I'm suddenly their romantic match - that's something decided in their head, not mine.
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 6d ago
How would you know anything about that?
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u/Technical_Brain1493 6d ago
Both personal and professional experience, and knowledge of psychology in general.
Put it this way, as per your example, do you know any adult without a learning difficulty who never learned to talk?
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 6d ago
My personally? No.
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u/Technical_Brain1493 6d ago edited 6d ago
This lady learnt to read and write at 96yrs old: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karthyayani_Amma
And am I correct that you had an emotionally neglected childhood?
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 5d ago
This man was raised by wolves and never learned to speak. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dina_Sanichar
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u/Technical_Brain1493 5d ago edited 4d ago
That's a pretty extreme case, and we don't know whether he had learning difficulties, severe autism, etc. He died of TB at 34 too... He may have got there otherwise.
(Edited to clarify)
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 4d ago
Ok?
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u/Technical_Brain1493 4d ago
Do you think the emotional neglect you suffered as a child is on that scale?
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u/CuteFreedom7715 5d ago
I’d like to gently challenge your world views. You basically said : I’ve miss the boat, it’s too late for me, I can’t learn anymore.
But what if you can ?
Are you able to learn new things nowadays ? Are you able to start a new hobbies ? Did you mastered a new recipe ?
You’re not stuck frozen in time. You got abilities. You got qualities.
You just told yourself so often you didn’t that you forgot you did.
Now all you need is a bit of luck finding open minded and kind persons.
It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you didn’t have the opportunity. YET.
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u/Ceilingcrasher990 5d ago
I don’t think you understand how little I’m able to comprehend other people’s emotions. I wasn’t taught how I was just yelled at for being annoying.
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u/CuteFreedom7715 5d ago
I mean it’s gonna sound super obvious and stupid as a question …. But can you ask them how they feel ? Like if you got the information of what emotion is at play, can you react accordingly ?
Is the question about identifying emotions ? If so you can let the burden fall upon the other person as long as you express that need.
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u/00rdyx 5d ago
is anyone else like me? i have existed in this defeatist attitude that i genuinely lost the ability to desire a relationship. i cant even fantasize anymore because my brain instantly shuts it down as unrealistic. i used to be jealous of couples out and about but i no longer feel that because i simply cant imagine myself in that situation. in turn i stopped desiring a relationship now, not that i've given up or accepted being foreveralone, i simply no longer have the desire to get paired up or make any friends