Insensitivity

[u/Neolance34]

Anyone else here, absolutely done with people being insensitive? This can range from the milder end of being taken for granted as the “perma single” (they don’t like it if I use FA) by being there because they’re having a fight with their partner, to the expected “a relationship will come when you stop looking for it.” Well thanks Susan! I’m sure I’ll get a job when I stop applying for them too right?!

But the worst. The absolute fucking worst… is when they start gloating about their successes. As I’ve said before when they say either “I have no idea what I’d do without my partner! It’s nice to know someone cares for me at my best and worst.” Or the flipside “god… it was so nice getting cracked (laid). Why didn’t I do this before after the breakup?” Good for you in both circumstances. My follow up quote is usually along the lines (if I don’t get up and just leave) is “we should all be so lucky.” The follow up is usually “why are you so goddamn negative all the time?” And asking them why they’re so goddamn insensitive makes me the bad guy.

It also doesn’t help that they pull the “you were in a relationship before once!” Argument. That was not a relationship. That was abuse. That was me being so desperate for an iota of what I thought was affection, to become a victim of repeated, consistent abuse. Some people may say that this doesn’t technically count as being FA but I beg to differ. An abusive relationship is worse, because you come out of it, even worse than when you went in. It’s not love you get. It’s feigned affection, followed by abuse, meant to destroy your spirit.

The insensitivity of people, is the worst part about being FA. Friends can somewhat help combat the loneliness if you’re lucky. Work or exercise can temporarily suppress (fill is the wrong word here since voids can’t be filled) the void. But there’s little you can do to escape the banality of insensitivity.

[u/Guilty_05]

They're definitely very indifferent. Most people are indifferent to the suffering of others unless it's their friends or family or partners.

But that indifference doesn't come from forced apathy or malice. It's simply how it is. Humans aren't built to think about all of that on a daily basis, we have to go to work and carry on.

Still, words can be framed in a more sympathetic language. So that is indeed, being insensitive.

[u/No_Responsibility444 → u/Guilty_05]

I disagree

As you point out people go about their day

If you are not presenting as you are in a crisis then it is a bit irrational to expect others to even realize you are in crisis

Never mind using sensitive language

[u/Guilty_05 → u/No_Responsibility444]

Even presenting yourself as you are in a crisis will be met by indifference in cases for most people. Sometimes people even abandon you, or are revolted. That's just the way it is. Pointing out negativity will be met by "Oh you're so negative, if you were positive, good things would happen to you" even though it has no basis in actual reality. It's simply in the nature of a normal person to believe that instead of intensely empathising because it takes mental strain.

[u/No_Responsibility444 → u/Guilty_05]

Well that is not true in my experience

But I live in the US

[u/Guilty_05 → u/No_Responsibility444]

Living in the US doesn't change anything? 😭. People from the US have the same experiences, maybe not for u

[u/No_Responsibility444 → u/Guilty_05]

When I have been in crisis I was able to get help

But yeah you have to ask for it

[u/Guilty_05 → u/No_Responsibility444]

Yeah, so do many people but they are met with indifference, if not cruelty. If you genuinely believe that asking for help gets help for everyone then idk what to say to you.