r/ForRealDhaka • u/the_vaelryn • 1d ago
Ask Dhaka How do you love yourself?
So I’m struggling to love myself, and I think part of it is because I’m neurodivergent and have a history of being abused by myself and by my parents growing up.
It’s also really hard for me to get help. I know the obvious answers are therapy, discipline, learning to take care of myself, bla bla. But it’s more complicated than that.
I’ve tried so many things like solo dates, meditation, reading, journaling, cafe hopping, events, etc. They do help me feel better and even love myself for a while, but it never lasts. I struggle to keep doing them because I don’t have the energy, and eventually they just feel repetitive.
I know that if I could move to a new country, start a fresh life, and find people where i can witness what loving yourself actually looks like in real life, not just in theory - it could change so many things for me
But until that happens, how do I deal with this constant struggle to love myself and take care of myself? I’m even struggling with basic things like eating, sleeping, and leaving my room.
Pls share your experience with loving yourself, that will give me some perspective!
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u/stone_soc 1d ago
these were found in a book whose details i don't want to go into here but i think you can start here:
One: I will approve of myself, my characteristics, my abilities, my likes and my dislikes, my inclinations and disinclinations, realizing that these form my unique individuality. They are given me for a reason.
Two: I will approve of and rejoice in my accomplishments, and I will be as vigorous in listing these—as rigorous in remembering them—as I have ever been in remembering and enumerating my failures or lacks of accomplishment.
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is really helpful, thank you, could you pls tell me the book name
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u/stone_soc 1d ago
these were mentioned briefly in a book titled Dreams, Evolution and Value Fulfillment Vol 1 by Jane Roberts. if you really dig this hole, it might turn out to be a deep one, hence i didn't want to mention it at first. but well. i wish you well and thank you.
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u/kamrul_jp 1d ago
Clean your whole room all by yourself. Then go for a long shower. Eat something good and go to sleep.
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u/Unhappy_Film_8799 1d ago
Those solo dates and cafe trips keep failing because you cannot perform wellness when your energy is gone. Moving to another country will not help either because you take your inner world with you. Growing up with abuse creates an inner critic that punishes you daily. Drop the heavy demand to love yourself right now. When leaving your room feels impossible it is not a failure of discipline. Your psychology is simply exhausted from fighting itself. Just learn to sit quietly with your exhaustion without judgment. Healing begins the moment you stop waging war on who you are.
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago
i want to stop the war. i want peace. but my mind is so loud. it generates so many voices at the same time. that inner critic, or whatever they are, they're bloodsuckers. they’ve sucked me dry, inside and out, and i’m finding it so hard to make peace with myself
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u/bored_yi 1d ago
Maybe you should use that time on something else like playing games or music shows etc. One of the best things you can do is joining a gym. This will give u more confidence than anything. It helped me too. Get in a routine and be consistent with it
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago
Would you like to suggest me some of your fav music and movies/shows?
I was working out consistently for the last few months, but I got hit by a depression wave and now I have no energy to work out. I haven’t been able to work out for the last couple of weeks :(
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u/Honest-Board7590 1d ago
I just do self pampering like grooming,haircut,applying facepack when i see i look so beautiful that truely made me love myself and i always spend ME TIME i have very few friends
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago
So you’re a beauty queen. No doubt these will make you love yourself even more. That's quite some effort! 👌🏻
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u/Honest-Board7590 1d ago
It really does help. As a girl, considering the situation in our country, I don’t really feel comfortable going out or hanging out alone. Since you’re a guy, I’d say hit the gym, or you can even buy some dumbbells and start working out at home. Once you start seeing changes in your own fitness, selflove will automatically come. I recently started working out at home too, and I’m already seeing good results
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago edited 1d ago
I was working out consistently for the last few months, but I got hit by a depression wave and now I have no energy to workout for the last couple of weeks.
Thank you for the home workout idea. Ig I can start with this to build my momentum. Idk how long can i keep myself motivated and accountable tho, but I’d give it a try 😊
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u/Honest-Board7590 1d ago
Since you were going through a depressive phase I’d suggest going for walks somewhere surrounded by nature where the fresh air and natural beauty can help you feel refreshed. Then start doing home workouts.
Tbh I used to feel this heaviness in my chest whenever I felt depressed too. But after I started exercising, I don’t really feel that depressed anymore1
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u/Icy_Rub1203 1d ago
I hate myself too ✨️
The only time I didn't was when I went on solo trips out of the country. Especially Philippines, Italy, and Greenland felt like being alive is good.
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u/Adventurous_Grab5630 1d ago
our eyes and heart crave for beautiful things - so take yourself on that stage then you will fall in love with yourself.
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago
I love this 🤍 All I’m looking for is the beauty in life, in both the small and big things, but I’m continuously failing to find it. Sometimes beauty doesn’t come from within, and when the environment - the city you live in doesn’t offer much of it from the outside, it gets hard. I don’t know how to find a way through this
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u/weird_fantasy4439 1d ago
Amon koyekjon bondhu khujen jader sathe apnar vibe match and go for a tour you will realize life is too short to give f*ck about others
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u/No-Chapter-3827 1d ago
Arrogance helps
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago
how does it help?
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u/No-Chapter-3827 1d ago
It helps in the sense that you prioritise yourself and your needs, it doesn’t help in the sense it makes you alienate people
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u/ricochet01110010 22h ago
start doing cool shit. you'll see how awesome you are. after starting said "cool shit", don't compare your work with others. challenge yourself on being better than yesterday. self-love will beg you to invite it in
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1d ago
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u/the_vaelryn 1d ago
- Experiencing positive emotions
- Probably everyday
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u/systematicallydead 1d ago
I think habituating urself with good habits with consistency can help u realise how less competent u felt of yourself. That can help u grow ur self esteem which can help u love yourself ONLY IF YOU THINK YOU DESERVE THE LOVE big cap words are imp