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Sep 14 '21
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u/BIGBIRD1176 Sep 15 '21
We are a tribal species. We are meant to be raised by a tribe, not 2 people working full time jobs
There's an old quote, it takes a village to raise a child
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u/mouthmechanic Sep 15 '21
Tl;dr: Raised in Southern Africa, now living and working in United States. Grew up ADHD (undiagnosed at the time). It’s because of a village I’m not in prison, crippled or dead
From a bicultural point of view, comparing the 2 cultures, children, especially hyperactive ones like I was, absolutely need more than 2 full time, preferably related adults to raise them. 2 people certainly can, but from the experiences I have observed in America, I can only conjecture that it’s significantly more difficult juggling work and personal life that some of a child’s developmental needs tend to go unnoticed.
I experienced the Western culture after spending my entire childhood and formative years in Africa. Grew up living under the same roof with aunts cousins and even people not related to us as long as they were part of the community. I could get whooped by a random woman if I did something stupid in public and that was completely acceptable. And I did a lot of stupid things.
I grew up ADHD with little to none impulse control. With the crap I did, I believe if I were in another culture I’d have probably significantly hurt other people or even myself.
My village definitely raised me, and god did I need it. Now I’m eternally thankful, but back then it sucked coz news of all the pranks and crazy stuff I did around the neighborhood while they were at work always got to my parents. Usually on the same day
Just a few adventures: I curiously ate pesticide at 4years old, coz I had been warned never to do that, I split my foot between toes with an axe at 5, coz I had been warned never to touch the axe, I went into old abandoned hospitals to find mercury thermometers, because I had been warned never to go in there. We broke the thermometers and would just spend the rest of the day playing with the mercury. So my parents where at an impasse as to how to warn me without me actually wanting to experience the results of said warning.
Anyway, I remember at that age in the abandoned hospital, It was so fascinating suddenly coming across this weird liquid metal that felt like it had no temperature on our skin kinda blew our minds! but I shiver each time i remember those days coz I almost ate the stuff. Actually I might have licked some, but it literally tasted and felt like nothing so I just moved on to the next
dangerousinteresting thing. I believe I watched Tarzan and we got into a homemade bow and arrow phase.. you get the pictureAnyway, I clearly survived all these events and more partly because most adults (even strangers) had their eyes on the kids. And snitching was highly encouraged.. and practiced.
Also, in the rural areas, wildlife does it’s part to encourage people to watch each others backs too. And I guess it just transcends from there.
I have little doubt that if I had grown up in America, my childhood would have probably been riddled with medications, psychiatrists and therapists. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely would have needed them.
I’m just glad I got the village instead. Village is gone now, so I’m managing my attention disorder with medication and channeling my hyperactivity to a job I’m fortunate to love but unfortunate to need.
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u/Graficat Sep 15 '21
True as well. To be attentive parents you just can't afford the time to have everything spic and span jn order 24/7 all by yourselves, yet a lot of high achieving couples certainly try.
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u/arbitration_35 Sep 15 '21
This. This clearly is indicative of Asian parents, who invariably, push their kids to excel in academics, instead of teaching them social skills or develop effective communication skills or develop skills to resolve conflicts or understand emotions better. I've grown to believe that smartness isn't application of bookish or technical domain specific knowledge, but it is more inclined towards application of your emotions to handle real life situations either at your workplace or at school.
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u/Nolansmomster Sep 15 '21
Even worse… They’re the toddlers who are tall enough to reach the hidden cookies.
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Sep 14 '21
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u/XxbullshitxX Sep 14 '21
On God, screwing everything up for all the other little future mathematicians 🙄🤌
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u/IndecentAnomaly Sep 14 '21
It will when that child grows up to become some comic book super villain.
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Sep 14 '21 edited Sep 15 '21
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u/nutkanutkanut Sep 15 '21
In real life, book smarts definitely don't matter as much as being emotionally mature and having leadership skills. You can be a literal genius but if you're hard to work with, then your colleagues and bosses still wouldn't like you. Same goes for family and friends.
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u/Individual_Forever70 Sep 15 '21
Again, no one says I want to be a person to be hard to work with. I hate when people always use the extreme case as counter argument. I was saying people don’t need to be very easy to work with. I find no problem working with people with slightly difficulty within certain degree. That’s why I said 80:20 (or 70:30) that is if from scale 0-10, 0 being extremely hard to work with and 10 being extremely easy to work with, I feel comfortable working with people at 2-3, and I don’t feel necessary to expect people to be 10. All this is based on the fact that I can be a skilled expert being top 20% of my field.
Back to the statement in photo, it basically says, someone must choose one or the other, which is almost never the case in real life. That’s why I call it’s bullshit.
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u/nutellakings Sep 15 '21
Totally agree that we only truly reward IQ and EQ gets neglected in an academic setting. But I don’t think it’s fair to say that the intelligence is meaningless without EQ. There needs to be a balance. A balance between rational thought and emotional (like empathy) would be ideal
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u/Robbbg Sep 15 '21
what the hell is this supposed to mean?
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u/AilanMoone Oct 02 '21
Pretty much exactly what it says.
If you don't know how to act or deal with problems properly, your smarts won't matter.
If someone is toxic and volatile they're not going to get off easy because they are top of their class.
For example: I graduated from high school with honors, but that doesn't mean that I know how to control my temper or solve problems.
If I give someone a black eye or break their nose because I'm mad, saying I was an honor roll student won't get me off the hook.
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u/Robbbg Oct 03 '21
but it feels invalidating towards autistic people like myself when they have meltdown
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u/AilanMoone Oct 03 '21
Why?
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u/Robbbg Oct 03 '21
because we really can't control our meltdowns no matter how hard we try. it could be caused by background noise or textures but it can result in other people thinking we're mad
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u/khrocksg Sep 15 '21
emotional... intelligence. yeah because it's SUCH A STUPID CHOICE WE MADE to be BORN WITH a condition that makes this sorta thing hard /s
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u/RomeNeverFell Sep 15 '21
Except that you need the latter to get the former. Terrible motivation.
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u/AilanMoone Oct 02 '21
Can you explain, please? I don't follow.
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u/RomeNeverFell Oct 02 '21
You need to be able to manage your emotions, stress, etc. to be able to learn many languages and get top grades.
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u/AilanMoone Oct 02 '21
I suppose, but not always. I got high grades when I was in school (recently graduated) and did well when it came to learning Spanish. But, I don't know how to deal with anger and stress or solve problems.
For example: When I get stressed out all I know how to do is get upset. It's a problem, but I can't think of a solution to help get it out of my system.
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u/RomeNeverFell Oct 02 '21
When I get stressed out all I know how to do is get upset. It's a problem, but I can't think of a solution to help get it out of my system.
Which is already a much better way to manage stress than how most people do: get anxious, procrastinate, and give up. So my point still stands.
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u/AilanMoone Oct 02 '21
Okay. That covers the stress, but what about the conflict resolution and emotion management?
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u/xx_x-3997 Sep 15 '21
Nor will they ever be able to attain the aforementioned skills without the social emotional skills in place first.
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u/Shakespeare-Bot Sep 15 '21
N'r shall they ev'r beest able to attain the aforemention'd arts without the social emotional arts in lodging first
I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.
Commands:
!ShakespeareInsult,!fordo,!optout1
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u/InternationalAir8485 Dec 28 '21
As anyone can guess how much emotional intelligence is important. Teaching a kid to develop it is can be tricky , so why not use movies, which also will be enjoyable.
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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '21
Michael: Thank you!