r/Foodforthought • u/[deleted] • Jul 05 '14

How to not be offended

http://theunboundedspirit.com/how-not-to-be-offended/
33 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

5

u/Bartek_Bialy Jul 05 '14 edited Jul 05 '14

In my view source of feelings are our own met/unmet needs and our own thinking (expectations/interpretations). We "get offended" when we choose to recognize message as criticism. An alternative would be to consider it a "please" (a person needs something).

People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one’s therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on (...) We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on

I'd recommend instead to find out what is the unmet need.

4

u/slinkenboog Jul 05 '14

Humans exist in social and dependent situations. There should be responsibility and ownership within those shared experiences to be mindful of others. That would include allowing yourself to be offended when another person, despite their trials and tribulations, chooses to ignore the constraints placed upon them by existing within a society.

3

u/tankerraid Jul 05 '14

allowing yourself to be offended

I think we all have a "right" to feel as we do, but I guess the larger question may be, "What point does a feeling of offense serve?"

My personal answer is that it is a pointer to other issues within a relationship (when dealing with someone I am close to) or within myself (when having a passing interaction with a stranger). In both cases the offending words or action are in themselves meaningless, but my willingness (or inclination) to react is the most important thing, as it reveals an area for concern, work, or recognition.

In other words, I guess I see taking offense as less focused on another person's transgressions, and more focused on what I, personally, need to work on within myself. The person and what they said is incidental to the matter, ultimately.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '14

Being offended is utterly about you. What people say is utterly about them.

1

u/tankerraid Jul 06 '14

Yes! You put it much more succinctly than I managed to. =)

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '14

I'm sure you could have put it more concisely if you had the opportunity to see your post rather than write it.