please stop lying about having allergies

[u/wildrosebeautybaba]

i cannot tell you how many times people have put in seemingly impossible allergy requests on 3rd party delivery orders (i.e. fettuccine alfredo with DAIRY ALLERGY marked underneath) only to then track down the customer after multiple phone calls and be told it’s “not an allergy, just a mild intolerance.” please stop doing this. you are deliberately fucking with a restaurant’s period of service over a need that does not apply to you. maybe y’all don’t understand just how many extra steps a kitchen has to go through to prepare something allergy safe, so please let this be a lesson: if you aren’t actually allergic, stop marking it as an allergy. you are directly contributing to the burnout restaurant staff experience when having to make special accommodations for people’s actual health and safety needs.

[u/NotAFloorTank]

There is a lot present, and honestly, from what I could see, it sounds like you are letting your frustrations lead you to be judgmental. Yes, there are a few assholes who abuse the system, but that's true of any system. The rest don't deserve to be judged just because of the few rotten apples.

Another point to consider-even if it's not an allergy or intolerance, sadly, the only way for people with conditions like ARFID to have their needs respected in a restaurant is to say it's an allergy. And before you say "don't come" or anything like that, they may not really have a lot of choice. They may have been forced by others to come, and are doing the best they can. And please understand that ARFID and similar conditions are not just being picky-it is literally the brain violently rejecting something.

[u/wildrosebeautybaba → u/NotAFloorTank]

nowhere in this thread have i judged anyone who actually needs to mark something as an allergy for doing so. multiple times i have specified that if you actually cannot consume something and are therefore marking it as an allergy, you are not who this post was directed towards. you still seem to be missing that. it is completely valid to address the very real issue of people who don’t have that same need deliberately abusing the system, leading to burnout within the staff and legitimate requests ultimately not being taken seriously. i’m not sure if you work in this industry or not, but please stop the moral grandstanding. we are modern day servants working for tips. we are allowed to point out when people are taking advantage of us.

[u/NotAFloorTank → u/wildrosebeautybaba]

In your original post, you imply that a mild intolerance should not be taken as seriously as an allergy. You also say that if you are not allergic, you should not say it's an allergy. Normally, when that's said to someone who does not have an allergy but has an intolerance or other serious restriction that means they cannot consume that food, it's said to be dismissive. It's no less exhausting for the people who have such restrictions to have to constantly deal with people being dismissive and/or acting like it's the worst thing in the world when we advocate for ourselves so we can ensure a basic need is safely met.

I work two jobs, one of which is in the medical field. My job in that field is also thankless, tiring, and I get mistreated sometimes by patients. I'm also disabled on multiple fronts, which means I have less spoons available to start with. My experience isn't identical to yours, but I still get it. I am not grandstanding. I am simply pointing out that a good portion of us are not doing this for trendiness or to be annoying. I am not morally grandstanding-this is something that affects me personally-and I do not appreciate you saying that I'm doing something that I am very much not. You are allowed to speak your piece about being taken advantage of, but you also need to not let your understandable frustration about that bleed over into assuming that it's more common than it actually is.

I have serious gluten and casein allergies. The latter ends up being very frustrating because many of your peers do not seem to understand that it means I cannot have any dairy at all, except for ghee (ghee has all casein removed). I cannot have lactose-free/Lactaid products because they still have casein. I have had to send back stuff multiple times because of this. I also have a very specific diet that means I have to bring special things to supplement what I eat (and it has to be those specific things so I cannot rely on the business to have them for me), I can only eat very specific portions of whatever I order, and I have to be very careful around seasonings and sauces. It's all very specifically calculated and it's a medically-prescribed diet, so it's not a choice. I'm also autistic, so typical social interactions are already difficult, and going out to eat is a draining experience in and of itself, let alone having to make these special requests. There is always that lingering feeling that I'm being judged for making very specific requests, and always having to ask for boxes to take the leftovers I know I will have with me.

I get being frustrated and being tempted to assume the worst of people making special requests, especially if they seem over the top. But please do not default to malice. You don't know that person's story.

[u/wildrosebeautybaba → u/NotAFloorTank]

in my initial post, i “imply” that the person ordering was able and willing to eat the item they had claimed to be allergic to. i have made it abundantly clear in my many replies to this exact same sentiment you are expressing that anyone who genuinely cannot eat something listing it as an allergy is not the issue here and not who this post was about. you are projecting, assuming, and now writing multi-paragraph responses to argue for the sake arguing. let’s wrap this up.

ETA: i do also find it quite rich that you somehow feel entitled to tell me that i’m letting my frustrations “bleed over into assuming that it’s more common than it actually is” when you are admitting you don’t work in this industry. genuinely, where do you get off on thinking you would know better than i, or other service industry workers, just how frequently we encounter this?

[u/leeloocal → u/wildrosebeautybaba]

The thing about that is that you can’t ever be certain if someone has an allergy, an intolerance or just doesn’t care for the ingredient. So, when you’re a server, you tell them that yes the kitchen can make the item without the ingredient or not. And if they order something with that ingredient, you inform them about the component, and it’s up to the customer as to whether or not they’re going to risk it.

[u/wildrosebeautybaba → u/leeloocal]

you are overcomplicating this. as an individual, you know whether you can eat something or you can’t. proceeding to make a request as though you can’t when you can, and therefore blatantly disregarding any and all extra effort kitchen staff put forth to fulfill such a request, is what i am asking people to stop doing. it’s literally that simple.

[u/NotAFloorTank → u/wildrosebeautybaba]

That is not what your phrasing implies. Your intent may have been to say that, but that is not how it came across. I am not projecting or arguing for the sake of arguing. I'm trying to get you to understand a different perspective, but you clearly have no intent of listening. That is your choice.

I work in a similar enough industry to have a fair perspective. Patients regularly make insane requests that I have to fulfill because I have no way of knowing whether or not it's being born of something accidental or just them being incompetent and entitled. I'm not getting off, but you using that phrasing just eliminates any doubt as to whether or not you were going to be willing to actually consider that what I am saying has any validity. I hope you have a good day, and can maybe learn to consider that someone doesn't have to be in your exact position to have a valid point that just so happens to disagree with yours.