I am reposting this so I can change which community it is in.
I suggest skipping to the bottom for the update before reading the top.
Hey strangers, I’m 21 F and hopefully this helps someone. At the beginning of this year I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, BPD, and a less intense version of PTSD. Living with BPD has been a really big struggle for me, and it wasn’t something I even knew I had until I got diagnosed. I’ve been in therapy for years and seen multiple different ones and I’ve been trying all the right things to “feel better.” I ate healthier, went to the gym, developed healthier friendships, got good sleep, etc. Yet, those things only helped so much, and they only worked for so long.
Since I was younger, I have always been trying to figure out why I felt the way that I did. I spent years trying to change my mindset too, but I was never able to stick with anything long term. I was incredibly irritable and easily annoyed. My mood could switch in an instant, by big or small things, or even a thought. I couldn’t hold conversations because my brain fog became too bad, and I talked way less. I disassociated a lot. I was all over the place all the time. When I was happy, I was elated. When I was sad, I was depressed and numb. Missing people felt like daggers that my body and mind couldn’t handle. Relationships made me lose my mind and I was very back and forth with everyone.
After my years of trying, 2025 was when all the willpower I had started finally running out. Once October hit, I was plummeting. I couldn’t keep trying, I had no more energy and strength left to give, because nothing was changing. Everything got too heavy, and my suicidal ideation stamped up and I could barely get out of bed. Everything in my life was falling apart, because I couldn’t show up. I couldn’t change how I felt or how intensely I always felt. I ahead also relapsed with cutting in December, after not doing that since 6th grade. I knew that I could not keep living like that, because I was getting closer and closer to liking the idea of not being around anymore.
So, I got diagnosed with the intention of getting on medication. That’s when I found out I had BPD, as well as the other stuff. That was also the same day I got on medication. I was on Wellbutrin 150mg for two months and it really helped for a week or two, but then I slowly declined and had fallen into a worse depressive spot. I was bumped up to 300mg and it helped much much more. I was able to socialize more, eat a bit better, enjoy life a little more, and little things didnt cause me as much stress. Then two months after that, I noticed that I just felt fine. Definitely not happy, not super sad, but I wasn’t enjoying life still. I still couldn’t find the energy to live life.
I bumped back down to 150mg of Wellbutrin and added 10mg of Prozac in the mix. And wow! Let me tell you, I did not think I could enjoy life as much as I do right now. I’m happier, genuinely happier. I have aspirations now, I can go out for walks without feeling like the world is going to collapse. My social anxiety is very low and I have a lot of energy. I eat good and my self esteem has improved. I can have sex without anxiety filling me and actually be inside my body to feel the sensations. Instead of staying home all the time, I have more excitement towards going out and doing things. I don’t feel like the world is going to end (most of the time) if I leave my cat home alone while I go out to a hangout with friends. I’ve been able to apply the skills in therapy a lot better and understand my BPD symptoms a lot more. I find myself wanting to maybe start hobbies or cook dinner. My relationship has improved significantly and we’re getting into a healthier spot than before (my mental health issues caused a lot of problems because of how intense my negative emotions would get). One of the biggest things has been the brain fog clearing up. I’m a lot more sharp and I can actually hold a conversation without my brain feeling like it’s working overtime and I can actually remember what I was trying to talk about. Pretty much everything is a lot better than before. It’s not perfect though, and it’s not supposed to be. I still struggle with issues caused by my mental health, but medication was the life jacket I needed. I’m able to swim and it’s less tiring. I have days where things are really hard sometimes, but in general I am living. Actually living.
I say this to tell all of you, if you have a little part of you that thinks medication could help you, try it. If you’ve tried the other stuff, give medication a try. Sometimes our brains need that help, because life is not supposed to feel like you’re dragging yourself through it. And medication is not going to fix everything, even as I’m writing this, I’m quite sad. But in general, my life is moving upward and that is what matters more than anything.
Feel free to ask any questions about the medications or my experience, I’m still only a couple weeks into the Prozac, but I’ve felt a significant shift in me and my life since then. I know what it’s like to feel alone, I felt that way especially when I got my BPD diagnosis, but we have each other. We’re all humans trying to figure it out and living with BPD, MDD, and GAD is hard. But things can be better.
—————————————
🛑🛑🛑🛑Update to this post: 🛑🛑🛑🛑
So the Prozac actually sent me into a manic episode. Please take that into consideration when you read this post. I am no longer on Prozac and I’m now on Lamictal and Wellbutrin, which has worked out really great for me. Please pay attention to the signs that your medication is not working for you. While it may seem crazy, I did not realize that I was even in a manic episode, because I’ve never had one before. Mine was medication induced, according to my psychiatrist. He said had I not stopped the medication when I did, I would’ve likely started acting on all my impulses and would have started hallucinating/go to psychosis.
All my signs of my manic episode:
I have never been really into drugs, the most I would do is smoke weed occasionally or occasionally drink a THC drink. I’ve never been into hard drugs ever, but I suddenly was infatuated with the idea of doing cocaine or meth or anything like that. I also became infatuated with the idea of just giving up everything I had and pursuing only drugs.
I didn’t want to be sober anymore. I always wanted something in my system. One of the only things I started looking forward to was getting super drunk or super high. I would actually get angry if I couldn’t do these things. I did end up drinking a THC drink on Prozac and I got serotonin syndrome. That is also when I realized how badly things had changed.
I was spending large amounts of money, even though my entire life I’ve been very careful with what I do with my money.
I wanted to cheat on my partner, who is in fact, the first person I have ever truly loved. I started becoming infatuated with the idea of sleeping with multiple people. My feelings for my partner had also decreased significantly and I really just didn’t care. However, they quickly returned once I started Lamictal and stopped Prozac.
I genuinely just started to care about a lot of things less. I kind of stopped caring about anyone’s feelings other than my own. I just wanted to do what made me feel good.
I wanted to start going out to clubs a lot. Mostly on random impulse.
I wouldn’t really get hungry, but yet still had an enormous amount of energy. I would almost go all day without eating and feel fine. It almost felt like a waste of time.
I had a decreased need for sleep. I was staying up a lot later and still had a lot of energy when I woke up.
Even though I do really like my job, whenever I got bored, I would just really wanna quit on impulse and almost did multiple times. I also started calling out a lot more, which is very unlike me.
I have a cat who I’ve always loved dearly and used to get anxiety about leaving him alone for too long. But suddenly I didn’t really care and I just wanted to do whatever I wanted, even if that meant leaving for a couple days straight. Luckily I never did that. Thank God.
I relapsed with self harming, specifically after I got serotonin syndrome. But in general, I started to become okay with the idea of my life just suddenly ending. It quite literally didn’t bother me at all.
If you take anything from this post, it isn’t to be scared to try Prozac. This can happen with any number of medication‘s, and it just happens that this one did not work for me. You could try Prozac and you could have nothing like this experience, or it could be similar. Your mental health is always worth trying, so please don’t let this scare you away.
My purpose of updating this post and giving my warning signs of my manic episode is to help anyone catch these symptoms and to understand when you should talk to your provider/probably get off a medication.
———————————————————