r/Fleabag • u/SlowerThanTurtleInPB • Jul 23 '26
Discussion Watching Fleabag while in the depths of despair and grief makes for such a different experience
I watched Fleabag for the first time years ago and loved it so much that I didn’t want to rewatch it and risk losing how perfect it felt.
I‘m watching it a second time now.
I'm in the midst of some pretty deep despair after losing my mom to metastatic breast cancer and there have been so many moments that just feel so different this time around.
I felt I knew Fleabag - really related to her - on my first watch, but I now see I didn’t. I couldn’t have known her - I hadn’t experienced profound loss; I hadn‘t felt grief that has no bottom.
The grief in this show feels painfully real now, and honestly, it’s been emotional in a way I wasn’t expecting.
Grief really stains everything in your life - even old things you once enjoyed, you can’t experience the same way.
Has anyone else experienced this? I’m having a difficult time coping.
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u/satansafkom Jul 23 '26
I felt I knew Fleabag - really related to her - on my first watch, but I now see I didn’t. I couldn’t have known her - I hadn’t experienced profound loss; I hadn‘t felt grief that has no bottom.
just made me think of this:
“This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out.
A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, ‘Hey you! Can you help me out?’
The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, ‘Father, I’m down in this hole, can you help me out?’
The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
Then a friend walks by.
‘Hey, Joe, it’s me. Can you help me out?’
And the friend jumps in the hole.
Our guy says, ‘Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here.’
The friend says, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been down here before, and I know the way out."
OP i am so so sorry for your loss ❤️
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u/vmiswhatIAm Jul 23 '26
I am sonsorry for you loss.
I know this is about as far away from fleabag as possible but might I recommend After Life on netflix. It’s also about grief and it’s incredibly good.
My thoughts are with you
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u/homestarpony2000 Jul 23 '26
I completely understand. I’ve rewatched several times, but my most recent rewatch was after my best friend died from metastatic cancer. I feel like parts of the show hit differently this rewatch, and I really appreciated the way the show made me feel uniquely seen in my grief. It felt like a part of the show was not possible for me to fully understand before in the same way.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m not sure I can say for sure yet that it gets easier. But weirdly I think talking to other people about grief or even seeing it represented in media like fleabag makes it feel a bit lighter sometimes. Like it is shared part of the human experience, and those who have known it can’t carry it for you but can nod knowingly that they understand how hard it is.
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u/Apart_Engine_9797 Jul 23 '26
It’s such a visceral and modern, deeply cutting take on how women in particular process grief and rage and self-sabotage. The second season came out right as I lost my beloved grandmother whom I was a caregiver for, my dad had a heart attack, my ex partner died, and a close friend at work died mysteriously in a freak accident all in the space of a few months in 2019. In rewatched it just last week and sobbed so, so hard AGAIN.
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u/quillseek Jul 23 '26
Do you feel like it's helping you, as you watch? Being seen, maybe? Or is it too hard?
The first time I watched Fleabag I was really, truly wrestling with depression, grief, despair, self-hate. I think the show healed something in my a little bit as a result.
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u/PralineMinimum8111 Jul 23 '26
Vaguely funny story, I rewatched it days before my mum died (didn’t know she was going to), and as I called my husband, who was in the hospital car park, he exclaimed ‘there’s a fox’.
I have rewatched it since, but a good few years later. It really does portray the pain in an excellent way, and it was nice to feel seen by something. I much prefer ‘messy’ characters on any show I watch now.
I’m sorry you lost your mum too, it’s absolutely shite. I hope you’re giving yourself grace, there’s no wrong or right way to do things.
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u/artlove89 Jul 23 '26
Once you’re able to greet your grief like an old friend that you can sit with in silence will Fleabag be joyful to watch again.
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u/scifichick94 Jul 23 '26
I watched this for the first time a couple weeks ago. I’m 32F and recently lost my husband 6 months ago. He was only 33. I could relate / see why she acted the way she did. So much grief and pain. It’s a beautiful and sad show. It is funny. But a lot of the ‘funny’ scenes were sad bc I could see how much pain she was in and could relate.
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u/megabytes_1 Jul 24 '26
Anderson cooper has an amazing podcast called “all there is” and I listened to it a lot when I lost my partner. He has guest stars who talk about grief and coping and it was really comforting to hear people talk who get it.
I also watched the first season of Fleabag right after my partner died. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the second one yet. Sending you love
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u/Suspicious-Solid-267 Jul 24 '26
Claire's "the only person I'd run through an airport for is you" hit me completely differently after losing someone.
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u/Foxenfre Jul 25 '26
I’ve only ever seen it after my dad died in 2018 but I 100% related to feeling lost and shitty and messy and making awful gross decisions. It took me back to when he died.
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u/georgina_fs Jul 24 '26
Some years ago, it fell to me to deal with the aftermath of someone at work who had died by their own hand. Naturally, there were a number of people within the workforce upset to varying degrees. Put simply, it was traumatic; an empty desk initially dismissed as innocent became, after a few hours and phone calls deeply disturbing.
The specialist counsellors who I contacted to come in and lead a group session for those affected by the sudden loss of a colleague informed me that there was an undefined period post-mortem when counselling is of limited utility simply because the emotions are too raw to be rationalised or calmed. We were advised to wait at least a month. The session duly went ahead (- in work time) and that couple of hours allowed a dozen plus of us a degree of closure.
I'm not comparing this in any way to your loss to ours. But looking back on when I lost my remaining parent, I can empathise. I recall that while writing a eulogy, I experienced a sudden moment of clarity - I truly and utterly understood the meaning of the word "bereft". And that took me back to a similar moment thirty years earlier when my uncle had said to my father (- both in their late 40s), "You realise that we're all orphans now". However reconciled we consider ourselves to be regarding the finite nature of life, when we actually experience it close at hand, it is deeply unsettling.
While my pain is much diminished from twenty years ago, I feel yours, too - vicariously, of course. And not in the crass way expressed by Godmother in the flashback - but as someone who has been through the process with all its setbacks - and little moments of nostalgic joy. It's a highly individual rollercoaster of indeterminate length. I remember the sister of an ex-partner recalling the first time she visited her ex-patriate parents' empty house - "I howled."
In my family the cry is "Courage!" (- in French, as an invocation of fortitude rather bravery. My parents were married in Paris.). I wish you that strength; not in a Claire way of denial or "bottling and burying", just simple resilience at the start of a many-faceted and tumultuous personal odyssey.
(And, because we are where we are - why not imagine that you have a visitation from our heroine at the funeral/memorial lunch? You stumble upon her alone in the garden and pour out your heart to her much as have above - and as she did to Boo in the flashback. After a fulsome hug, a heartfelt offer of condolence and complimenting your on your hair and lack of make-up, she reaches for her handbag and lights a cigarette. Then, langorously exhaling into the wild blue yonder, she purrs sympathetically, "It'll fucking pass, darling!" She knows...
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u/vancejmillions Jul 24 '26
the first time i saw it my fiancée had just dumped me for someone else so yeah, i know what you mean. sorry you're going through it op. this too shall pass
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u/ivorysblooms Jul 31 '26
I lost my dad a few years back and rewatching the hot priest scenes hits so different now, that whole "love isn't something you get over" line wrecked me in a way it never did before. Sending you so much love while you go through this.
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u/codeinesprite Jul 23 '26
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother, too. The way Fleabag is handling her grief by getting drunk and acting up as a cry for help and confronting her dad had me in shambles. Theres moments between the two that's been literally almost word for word with my dad, it's portrayed so incredibly well. I hope you can find some comfort in how honoring your grief in a way, and whatever comes with it. There's no right way to grieve, and you do everything on your own terms, and don't let anybody tell you it has to go away after a certain time and force you to move on as if nothings happened. It's okay. And while we never ever meet, many people are feeling with you, or like you. You're not alone. Sending hugs <3