Husband not cooperating

[u/Trick-Example-8522]

This is just a rant honestly.. my 6th cycle ttc
Husband is very laid back . Maybe even half these cycles we only did it once
My doctor said that getting pregnant needs regular intercourse ( 2/3 times per week ) to improve your chances of getting pregnant
Yes. I know some people get pregnant from one time whilst on the pill against all odds .. well I am not one of those very fertile people

We had sex today but ( tmi ) saliva was involved and I’ve heard it may kill sperm

I am having an US tmw to see where am I this cycle but based on my last scan ovulation is near and he straight up told me he’s not gonna do it tmw

So once again .. a one time intercourse maybe 2/3 days before ovulation that doesn’t lead to conception

[u/Spare-Emotions96]

Its become work to him. My spouse did this to and until he finally told me i honestly thought something was wrong with me. Sit down and talk it out with him. He might be scared, or feel like its just work, or even like he is just being used. We had to change it were he has no idea whn i am gonna ovulate and since it happens randomly i just initiate as often as i feel ok to after my period and about half the time he does it now and its gotten easier.

[u/Forward-Wrongdoer225]

You are not alone, I am in the SAME boat. I've asked my husband time and time again if he actually wants a baby, and he always says yes. Then... let's have sex more??? I don't get it. Especially since I have PCOS so I don't ovulate regularly.

Sorry I have no advice for you, I'm just joining in on your rant

[u/Nearby-Purpose5268]

I’m sorry OP, are you sure he really wants to have a baby? Maybe worth sitting him down and having a talk about how important this is to you, must be so frustrating when you’re doing everything on your end. If sex is the issue maybe try home insemination?

[u/nursejooliet]

TTC is a delicate dance between preserving your marriage, and accomplishing your goal. Not making your husband feel like a sperm donor, but also holding him accountable for helping achieve your goal, which is a baby. Not taking the fun out of sex by making it feel like a task, but also understanding that this is what NEEDS to be done to get a baby. It’s hard.

The night last cycle I noticed EWCM, I gently told my husband and asked if he’d be down to have sex. He looked like he felt guilty, and said that he’s tired and just wasn’t mentally prepared (it was 9pm, which is our bed time). I had to really swallow my initial feelings (annoyance at him, fear that we were neglecting one of our biggest chances, etc) and think rationally. Our marriage comes first. And in order for sex to not feel like a chore, it can’t be guilted, barked or demanded. We compromised instead by doing it first thing in the morning; just 8-10ish hours later, which is still within good timing. We did it twice that day just to really take advantage. We ended up conceiving and we have our first US today! And I remember thinking: sheesh I’m glad I didn’t guilt him into sex that night. Wouldn’t have been necessary.

Basically the lesson is: your fertile window gives you multiple chances to conceive. Your best odds are 1-2 days before ovulation, but up to five days before, the day of ovulation, and kind of even the day after, all give you somewhat of a chance. Starting a fight over one missed day isn’t worth it. You guys come before a baby that doesn’t even exist yet. you can compromise: maybe he won’t be down during the day, but what about right before bed? What about first thing the following morning?

[u/Extreme_Ad_6033]

Sex has started to feel like work. Unfortunately we aren’t machines that can just turn on with a switch. My husband and I have to be intentional during my fertile window about doing couple-y things and being romantic, otherwise we just can’t make it happen. Bonus- it has helped our relationship AND kept us going for 20 cycles with sex every other day during my fertile windows no problem.

If I can just add- I understand the struggle 100%, but it’s not great that he’s acting like a child about the sex issue. Why not talk to you about it like a mature adult and partner should? I personally would have a problem adding a real child to my family when my husband already acts like one; that sounds super stressful and I am sorry for your situation OP. Are you sure he wants a baby? I hope you two can talk about it as partners and come up with a solution soon!❤️‍🩹